My ex is a cunt. If I write to his solicitor will it cost him?

[1664Ex]

The consent order says he has to cover half of uniform and associated education costs when agreed in advance. So he won’t agree anything in advance.

He wrote, via his solicitor that he would cover a single big uniform bill - she said she had told him to do it because it was the “right thing” but that he doesn’t technically have to pay. And so he didn’t pay. But she charged him for the letter.

So, currently he is ignoring everything. Even if I ask in advance. Just total no contact - the last time he was in contact it was to tell me that he would contact the police as my emails which are no more than every 2 months or so, and are entirely related to the kids, is harassment!😂

So if I write to his solicitor, will she charge him? Or can he just tell her to shred it and carry on ignoring?

[ Background info is he is a hugely well paid director of a public company. He pays at CMS rates and not a penny more. He won’t see the kids apart from on school holidays unless I drive them, or find a cab. They are all disabled, full EHCP and all senior school age. ]

Only one way to find out.

Indeed although I wondered what the protocol was.

im also tempted to write to him via his office. The post room will make sure he gets it.

I would have thought going via his office is a bit more likely to be seen as harassment...

Yes, every time you write to his solicitor, she will charge him time to review the letter, speak to him and write back to you.

So every time you need something I would be writing to his solicitor. I’d also send things piecemeal, so ask for one thing one week and another thing another week. It will add up.

I would also go back to court to get that order amended. It’s clearly not working. That will cost him a fortune, but would also be expensive for you.

I'd send him a letter via the solicitor for everything, school trip 1/2 the costs send a letter, uniform send a letter, shoes send a letter. He'll be begging you to email him soon enough.

What if he says to solicitor “ignore her and shred everything.” ? Does that force me back to court?

I like this idea!

I think you have to wait until it mounts up to a decent number and then take him to the small claims court.
I believe that’s the only way you can enforce a consent order.
Family courts is a waste of time

Surely he would just uninstructed her

I think you should go back to court, as he's paying the basic CMS rate you're not going to lose anything, and the judge will be unimpressed that he's weaseled his way out of contributing to school expenses. You can draw up a list of reasonable expenses, and ask the court to direct him to pay for half.

The risk of going back to court is that he could look for additional custody, but it's not as if he wants it. He doesn't want to see the kids, so very unlikely he'd look for it. If he does, and then doesn't take it up, go straight back to court, as you can show he's looking for access to reduce payments.

You can represent yourself - I did - he'll have to pay for a solicitor. You really can't lose by going to court, but he'll be out of pocket.

And I totally agree with doing all this via letters to his solicitor.

No she won’t charge him but it will prove the point re harassment.

What are you wanting exactly? He’s paying what he has to pay.

Honestly, maybe I'm a bit petty but I'd take pleasure in every penny it costs him even if I didn't get a penny in that moment. I'd send the letter to the solicitor they are going to charge him 15 minutes minimum for reading the letter and relaying the information to him. Every single time. I'd save all the receipts and take him to small claims as well. If he wants to be a cunt I'd give it to him good with a smile on my face. Obviously, there's lots of information that he needs about his kids education, cost ect and if he is threatening you with the police then going through a 3rd party is best all round. 🤣

Why will he have to pay for a solicitor?

If you start bombarding his solicitor, especially sending things piecemeal, for the sole purpose of it costing him money then you're proving the harassment he's claiming and he would have grounds to pursue legal action which could ultimately cost you money rather than him.

If you're not happy with the current arrangement then you need to go back to court to get it amended.

He isn’t though, is he?

No he isn’t. He is meant to cover as per the consent order;
half of uniform
half of school related expenses/trips
the full cost of accessing his private medical insurance.

He pays for NONE of this with the exception of one child’s music lessons, which he covers half, in arrears.

All three have health needs - because he won’t claim on his insurance I have added them to mine, and am covering 3x excess of £250 pp/py.

He also used to see them EOW but only if I delivered them to him, a 90 min round trip. Or paid for a taxi (£85). So I have, as they have got older, declined and said he can come and get them, or not. But I wouldn’t be facilitating. So now he has them for extended (5 nights) periods over the school hols. He has to get to 52 nights as per CMS and anything over this he calls “doing an extra.”

What has set me off is one of the kids needed new school shoes. He is autistic and hates change so insisted that I took them to the menders a couple of times, but they really are broken. I told ex, and rough budget and bought exactly the same ones and they were £70. He has totally ignored my email. And I just thought “fuck you.” He does literally nothing with them, never takes them out never mind on holiday whereas I do. And he takes this as evidence that I have “too much” money.

See what I’m dealing with?

But truthfully, the consent order has no teeth.
Family court to my knowledge and I’m sure if anybody knows differently they’ll correct me cannot garnish his wages, I don’t think they can put charges against his house.

They can award costs against him to cover your legal costs, but again if there’s no assets there’s nothing to recover the money from.

It’s one of those situations where you may be completely and utterly legally right but the so all you can do about it
Which is why the courts favour clean breaks.

The only thing you could do is go back and ask for the consent order to be varied on the basis that he isn’t complying with it and ask for a lump sum payment that could work

He pays cms. Get over it

I would make the threat first and tell him you'll seek an order that he pay your costs if you're compelled to go back to court. Courts don't look with favour in this BS.

Dont contact his job that would land you trouble as you have his home address and a legal reps. address.

You can write to the solicitor as a care of address or as "legal" asking a please remind your client of his obligations under the court agreement enclosing the agreement with the sections highlighted.

She will have a charge-out rate as someone in the office has to open the post and read it and stick it (a copy) into his file as you may later end up using the letters as evidence. She will not "shred" the documents is they are addressed to her

Its likely that he will be charged a fee for this.

However I would be careful going down that route as it may be seen as harrassing him if the letters are too frequent and non-urgent. But you can engage with her as his solicitor and you acting as if you were also a solicitor communicating on behalf of your client and he has objected to you contacting him directly. Its then up to her to seek instruction on what he wants to happen when she receives a letter.

She will not engage with you without instructions from him.

But if you know the items he should be paying for for the next 3-6-9 months you could do a schedule and sent it on the basis of his not wanting you to communicate with him directly.
So i would try get a list of everything each child will need from the school uniforms and shoes for the year any extra books/materials or classes, trips, etc. (with confirmation from the schools if possible ) plus any aids eg glasses eye tests etc.
Noting that the costs are current so may be subject to inflation
I would also add in a paragraph about his refusal to engage with the children on his days unless you transport them with a list of his days and a taxi fair for the trips if booked with your local taxi firm.

On the medical insurance if he is a senior officer in a PLC and you go back to court see if the order can be attached to his employer/salary as its likely a standard BIK for his role?

But he doesn’t pay any of the other costs associated with HIS children and which he has been told he should. Why should OP “get over” the father of these children just ignoring their needs and refusing to pay what he should towards their expenses?

They charge a minimum of about £30 - that's a unit of time in lawyers' terms - just for reading the letter.

Despite everything you're saying about the court order, his solicitor is advising he doesn't owe the money.

So you need to dig deeper there because the solicitor wouldn't say this unless it was justified.

Wow.

Not really the point of your thread (given the issue is XH's behaviour) but unless the solicitor is still instructed they cannot charge their client for receiving correspondence.

We often get letters for former clients. We tell the sender that we are no longer retained and they will need to make direct contact.