Would it be unreasonable to tell my housemate I won't help her anymore if she has another child?

[AmyCakeMaker]

I have been friends with Jodie for several years and we have lived together for a while now and 2 years ago, Jo had her daughter (Susie). We get along and don't have any problems.

I have helped Jo with Susie a lot in different ways (distracting, playing, supporting with appointments etc). Susie's dad is not around and Jodie's family only help out occasionally, but because they have their own children, jobs, health etc they are not around as much.

Jo struggles a lot with Susie and can't handle temper tantrums, so I didn't mind helping Jo. However, as time went on, it became more helping out.

I am currently 5 and a half months pregnant and yesterday Jo said to me that she wants another baby and plans on getting pregnant soon (she didn't go into specifics about how she plans on doing it) because Susie should have a sibling. The thing is Susie is a jealous child and already I can see some jealousy problems from when my child is born.

If she did have another child, I won't be helping out because I will be focusing on my own child first and I won't have the time, energy for my child, Susie, Jo and another baby.

Although she hasn't said anything, but I wonder if she's hoping because I will be going on maternity in a few weeks that I will be around more and can support her with Susie and her pregnancy.

Would it be unreasonable to tell her that I won't support her if she has another baby?

Unfortunately, in this area I would struggle to find a suitable house/flat and would not be in a good place financially if I moved out, so that's not an option. I also don't have any close family and other friends don't have the space.

Glad it’s not just me! What the fuck is going on in this house?

I read all the way through this thread wondering when somebody was going to ask this.

Providing a place to live in exchange for childcare isn't "taking advantage" of anyone, it's a simple and equitable transaction. As things change, of course, both parties may need to revisit it and see if it still suits them.

Who are you having a baby with? Why aren’t you living with him?
You can’t have babies and live in the same home as someone without ending up pretty much doing it together like some kind of commune/blended family. The kids will be raised like siblings; you can’t avoid that.

If you’ve planned a baby then it’s time to move out and go live with whoever you planned the baby with.

@AmyCakeMaker sorry but where are the fathers of all the children or children to be??? Is this an extremely fertile house you are both living in? whose flat or house is it??

That sounds like a very unhealthy dynamic to bring another child into!

I think your main focus should be on finding an alternative home for you and your future child.

It doesn’t sound like Jodie should have another child, but this is the least of your problems.

In 15 years time… this set up will no doubt be the focus of a disturbing Netflix documentary.

You’re the one who went to hospital with reduced movements and got ‘told off’ by this woman with the child, aren’t you?

Those whole situation is fucked. You have to get out of it.

The OP is not asking about how to get an absent dad to step up, she’s not given any details of her finances in this thread at least

Well we know she works, as she’s planning maternity leave and we know she is living with a friend, so has no ties to the property and we know she is struggling with a child in the house already.

OP has put herself in a poor position, hence the questions about the father and if there’s any chance he can help.

OP you would be better off seeking council accommodation, where ever that maybe and get yourself housed, at least you would have a secure tenancy, your friend can ask you to leave at anytime and you don’t have a leg to stand on.

Why are you both bringing more kids into the world when already struggling with current situation? No mention of the respective fathers. This is baffling to me.

So I'm really sympathetic to mothers who find themselves in hard times with children but I have nothing but criticism towards people who are already in a poor position and then think ooh let's bring a child into the world that's going to be deprived of a decent upbringing. Who brings kids into a bloody house share!?

All of these questions!

This sounds such a chaotic way to bring children into the world.

Poor kids.

Tell jo to go.

YANBU to put your needs and your future
child’s needs first and she certainly can’t keep using you or expect you to be a substitute parent or fill the gap that the father would do if he was around. You need to explain how you feel and maybe Contact your local council children’s department or Citizen Advice Bureau for advice on what you or your housemate can do in terms of living arrangements if living together no longer works, but do not have family close by, or about to move out due to financial restrictions

And so little answers...

Keep telling her that you are really looking forward to having her support - she will be able to help you with your baby like you did with hers.

Absolutely, OP what are you BOTH thinking?!