Would it be unreasonable to tell my housemate I won't help her anymore if she has another child?

[AmyCakeMaker]

I have been friends with Jodie for several years and we have lived together for a while now and 2 years ago, Jo had her daughter (Susie). We get along and don't have any problems.

I have helped Jo with Susie a lot in different ways (distracting, playing, supporting with appointments etc). Susie's dad is not around and Jodie's family only help out occasionally, but because they have their own children, jobs, health etc they are not around as much.

Jo struggles a lot with Susie and can't handle temper tantrums, so I didn't mind helping Jo. However, as time went on, it became more helping out.

I am currently 5 and a half months pregnant and yesterday Jo said to me that she wants another baby and plans on getting pregnant soon (she didn't go into specifics about how she plans on doing it) because Susie should have a sibling. The thing is Susie is a jealous child and already I can see some jealousy problems from when my child is born.

If she did have another child, I won't be helping out because I will be focusing on my own child first and I won't have the time, energy for my child, Susie, Jo and another baby.

Although she hasn't said anything, but I wonder if she's hoping because I will be going on maternity in a few weeks that I will be around more and can support her with Susie and her pregnancy.

Would it be unreasonable to tell her that I won't support her if she has another baby?

Unfortunately, in this area I would struggle to find a suitable house/flat and would not be in a good place financially if I moved out, so that's not an option. I also don't have any close family and other friends don't have the space.

It's not your business whether Jodie (Amber?) has another baby or not. It's her house, not yours.

You shouldn't have got pregnant while living with your friend.

I feel sorry for all the kids involved here.

You should tell her you will no longer be able to help after your baby is born because you will be focused on your new baby. 2 things could happen.

1. She agrees and accepts that
2. She may ask you to leave then you can go to the council and be housed while you work on getting on your feet. No more babies in the mean time PLEASE!

So is this a 5 bedroom house so everyone has a bedroom including the new babies? Do the dads get on all living there too? I thought you’d have wanted a house just for you, your partner and new baby to live in. This seems a strange set up.

Or

1. She smiles and nods, but then carries on expecting help and trying to manipulate OP into doing childcare.

I think you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time OP

Why the hell are any of you having babies in the first place. The whole situation is completely unstable

I don't - neither if you should be having children when you don't have the resources and capacity to support them.

She really isn't. There are innocent kids being brought into this.

I don't really understand why the two of you seem to be having/planning babies with no parental input from either father from the outset.
Anyway, with potentially three children growing up together, trying to bring them up completely separately is unlikely to work.

I voted you are unreasonable for bringing another apparently fatherless child into this sorry mess, not so much for telling “Jodie” you won’t be available to help out with whatever poor disadvantaged kid she produces. Feckless much?

Sorry OP, there are no options than to move out. You can't say you won't help, it'll be a default.

Tell her you won't be helping out anymore. It might put her off. She needs to parent her kid.

You will soon have three kids to look after. Yours, the current child Susie, and the next one that Jodie is planning to have.

Sounds like a great set up. Hmm.

To be blunt, if you can't or won't move out you will have to accept that this is your life going forward. So can you think of anything yourself that will make your life better for you and your baby?

Interesting

Where’s your babies father in alll this? Is he supporting you?

Leave this commune asap! What is this nonsense, living with a 'friend'? Concentrate on yourself and your child, not the commune!

If you expect to continue living alongside this person then yes YWBU, especially if it’s her house.

I would try as much as possible to (a) politely distance myself from the friend and susie, maybe if she has to care properly for susie she’ll think twice about having another, and (b) do everything possible to find somewhere else to live before your own baby is born. I can absolutely guarantee that as soon as you have your own baby this whole arrangement is going to fall apart so you need to be prepared (housing lists, savings etc).

You need somewhere else to live. Living as a housemate is great when you're a student, or single, but not when you have one - or multiple - kids. It's not fair on them!

Why are posters asking about the dads of these children.

It's 2025 and women are allowed to have babies-as many as they want-without having to involve the father of the child.

Having said that, OP, I don't think I would want to live with Jodie. So, you must check out what benefits you are entitled to, including housing benefit. You don't need to involve the father of your child or go to him asking for support and you don't have to.

But the benefit system is expected to support them ? 🙄

That's why it's there. Use it.

Why are posters asking about the dads of these children.

It's 2025 and women are allowed to have babies-as many as they want-without having to involve the father of the child.

Not if they're expecting everyone else to fund their choices.

I'm not sure why you're coparenting with this woman - sure, housing is problematic to find but this situation is untenable. You need to find a way to move out.

OP mentions maternity leave…

Im wondering what made you feel that this was an ideal situation to have a child in?