Would it be unreasonable to tell my housemate I won't help her anymore if she has another child?

[AmyCakeMaker]

I have been friends with Jodie for several years and we have lived together for a while now and 2 years ago, Jo had her daughter (Susie). We get along and don't have any problems.

I have helped Jo with Susie a lot in different ways (distracting, playing, supporting with appointments etc). Susie's dad is not around and Jodie's family only help out occasionally, but because they have their own children, jobs, health etc they are not around as much.

Jo struggles a lot with Susie and can't handle temper tantrums, so I didn't mind helping Jo. However, as time went on, it became more helping out.

I am currently 5 and a half months pregnant and yesterday Jo said to me that she wants another baby and plans on getting pregnant soon (she didn't go into specifics about how she plans on doing it) because Susie should have a sibling. The thing is Susie is a jealous child and already I can see some jealousy problems from when my child is born.

If she did have another child, I won't be helping out because I will be focusing on my own child first and I won't have the time, energy for my child, Susie, Jo and another baby.

Although she hasn't said anything, but I wonder if she's hoping because I will be going on maternity in a few weeks that I will be around more and can support her with Susie and her pregnancy.

Would it be unreasonable to tell her that I won't support her if she has another baby?

Unfortunately, in this area I would struggle to find a suitable house/flat and would not be in a good place financially if I moved out, so that's not an option. I also don't have any close family and other friends don't have the space.

No. It's there to support people who need it, not those who've chosen it.

What has the year got to do with anything? Having a string of kids with no dads is in no way advisable, nor is it fair on the poor kids involved.

Yes, she does mention maternity leave but she will also be able to claim benefits which will enable her to leave this toxic situation. That's what she should do, for the good of her mental health. living with Jodie sounds crazy

I see the Far Right are out this Sunday morning.

Force women to stay with men or let them live in the street. Fantastic

We need the population to grow but we want to force women to stay with men that they don't chooses as a life partner or not have children.
The sysyem is there to help and the OP works so she is entitled to get help for her and her child.

I bet the house is called Cuckoo’s Haven. Bloody hell, what a life for the children involved.

Definitely read this before with different names?

Where are the dad’s in all of this? It’s giving off the vibe of some sort of mini commune, where traditionally, I think kids are shared or something, so bound to be blurring of boundaries really.

As a taxpayer I am very happy to fund a reasonable lifestyle for a woman who finds herself pregnant and can’t work. It’s one of the very reasons I pay tax and I’d rather avoid the abusive relationship/ workhouse alternative. Quite apart from the ethical reasons (it’s the women who have to make the choice) it’s not good for society. And no I do not need people shouting “WHERE IS THE FATHER” with a daily fail embossed loudspeaker either thank you. It’s just a lazy way to put women, often young and lower economic status, back into their boxes by shaming them.

I might raise an eyebrow if they’re on baby number 4 mind you…

Why are you still living with her and having a baby. Of course YABU when you still live with her and foolish enough to be having a baby!!!

Adding my voice to "where is your baby's father?"

Who is paying for these multiple kids? Muggins taxpayer I suppose.

I think you are bonkers to have a baby in this situation. Move out find somewhere suitable to live even if further away. You are not so far from being off on maternity so maybe take it a little early use that time to move and set yourself up. Is the Dad involved atall?

I agree! Although I'm not perfectly happy with placing a subjective number on the amount of children a woman can have, if she wants four, then so be it.

Of course, not every woman will want 4!😀

It’s just a lazy way to put women, often young and lower economic status, back into their boxes by shaming them

Nobody is shaming these woman/OP - in 2025! It is reasonable to expect the father to step up and help raise the child, provide support and pay 50/50 in costs etc plus any emotional support needed.

If he’s not around then shame on him!

Nobody is shaming these woman/OP - in 2025! It is reasonable to expect the father to step up and help raise the child, provide support and pay 50/50 in costs etc plus any emotional support needed.
If he’s not around then shame on him!

I think the lot of this feckless crew deserve shaming.

I don’t disagree in principle but so often it’s used as a way of shutting other queries down, like in this thread. The OP is not asking about how to get an absent dad to step up, she’s not given any details of her finances in this thread at least, yet how many people have raised this. To me it speaks of an undercurrent of “if you will have kids out of wedlock you can only expect to be treated badly, what are you complaining about?”.

Plus whilst I agree that this situation sounds not great, you only need to look on the relationships board to see what some women who have got married or where the father is on the scene have to put up with from the dad- it sounds much worse than the op here.

Lots of lifestyle choices being funded by universal credit? Babies need more than this set up.

Are there any dads here? Or are you and her both having babies as single mothers?

Absobloodylutely!
It is not unreasonable to believe men should be equally responsible for the children they father.

I'm not going to sing some sisters are doing it for themselves bullshit when there's men out there not supporting their children.

What “feckless lot” are you talking about precisely? And how would “shaming” them help either the mother or the child?

The OP here seems to be in a private rental and mentions maternity leave, so I’ve assumed she’s working. If other women find themselves unexpectedly pregnant then I don’t have an issue with taxpayers funding a reasonable level of benefits so that they don’t end up on the streets, are forced into unsafe living arrangements or have to give up their child.

Flatmate needs to choose a dorm donor willing to support her and child so she can’t have his help … or money.

Relying on you is foolish for both of you. Unless she pays you. And you agree terms.

I'm struggling to get my head around this op, why are you both living together but having children without partner involvement etc?? I must say I've never heard of anyone having that set up. Did you plan on being a single parent? As it appears your concerns would have been better to be brought up with your housemate before you got pregnant yourself, let alone the fact she also wants to get pregnant again?! Very odd

If other women find themselves unexpectedly pregnant then I don’t have an issue with taxpayers funding a reasonable level of benefits

Where does she say the pregnancy was ‘unexpected’? Sounds more like careless, hence my calling her and the fathers ‘feckless’.

How have we got to a position in society where it’s considered good and feminist to use men for sperm and then declare there’s no need for them to be involved in a child’s life?

I’m all for not shaming women but the pendulum has now swung so far that we’re ignoring what’s best for a child.

I feel really old but wtf is going on these days?!

Are you living there free in exchange for childcare. This is the kind of arrangement that could be great if you are both willing to help each other out. Does she help you at the moment in any way? Will she help you when the baby is born? Maybe how she treats you then might help determine whether or not you need to move out.