Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

Agreed with the op 100%

We have record levels of autistic/speech disordered/numerical problems with kids today, and we wonder why!!

Well in our grandparents' generation you could substitute 'technology' for 'valium'.

I think it has a significant and lasting impact on language development, on well being and mental health and on communication.

^

Exactly.

I don't think it's doing the parent want favours either!!

Do you think autism is caused by a parent on a phone?

I don't have kids so I can spend more time on my phone 😂

Be honest, if you do this, you prefer your phone to your child. The proof is right there.

It is heartbreaking to see. I agree wholeheartedly. These children will grow up with serious mental health problems, there’s no two ways about it.

Has it occurred to you that all of those things existed before and we just....didn't know?

I have relatives that are 100% autistic but are of the age that kids weren't assessed for anything routinely. They were just naughty or different.

DH definitely has ADHD. But he was just considered "naughty" or "wild".

We have more knowledge now. You can't say that screen use or vaccinations or any of the other ridiculous connections people have made cause these things. We are just more aware of differences.

I used to work in a paediatric assessment centre and parents would bring their children for speech therapy, autism assessment appts, hearing loss etc and we would sit and watch 90% of these parents sitting in the waiting room on their phone ignoring their children. Sometimes the kids would be trying to get their parents attention but failing and it was really sad.

The therapists used to get really upset about the kids who had great potential to learn new skills but their parents just didn’t give them enough attention. The little ones would at least get a better chance when they went to school but more than one parent would be kicking up a fuss about not enough support whilst having not done any of the homework set by the therapists to try to help their children. Not all parents, some were amazing and very engaged. But this used to bother all of us

I agree. My kids are grown now but I know I probably would’ve been like this if smartphones were a thing in the 00’s.

I’d love to be able to make my phone a ‘dumb’ phone for set times. I’d probably sleep a lot better if I couldn’t ’just nip on my phone’ to check something then end up unconsciously scrolling for ages.

Its definitely an issue.

And today instead of substituting it, you can just add it.

Or at least Sertraline and Citalopram etc so I'm not sure what your point is?

you can install the Forest app and set times for it, and it also plants real life trees the more time you spend off your phone

The problem is, the makers of all these apps and these websites (this one is a good example) are very good at getting us hooked on interacting with their content. So many of us are effectively addicted to our phones

Some of the makers of these apps are in a documentary on Netflix, The Social Dilemma. Every one of them said they don't allow their kids to have smart phones, I would urge everyone to watch this, it's fucking terrifying where we're heading.

If you were sitting on the tube late at night off your face on Valium and were not giving your child the attention they were desperately asking for, you would be called out and JUDGED.

Exactly. That’s why many schools have banned phones at pick up times because so many parents were looking at their phones and ignoring their children when they came out.

Most people up that late on public transport with a child, would surely be giving the child attention, or at least trying to get them to sleep.

But people are weird and thoughtless.

The other day it was really cold, child in thin buggy, no older than 2 perhaps, no blanket or shoes, not that shoes would do much in upright freezing cold buggy.

No excuse not to have blankets or even a towel around the poor child’s legs, just stupid thoughtless mum, as it’s been cold for days, so even if she had to leave home in a hurry, she could have a blanket in a bag on the buggy as the weather has been freezing.

Haha so true there’s so much berating and scaremongering around tech on MN, it makes me wonder if they’re logging on through the medium of a potato

Some of the 'Snapshot' brigade have made me think we may be communicating with a potato.

So I'm inclined to agree.

Not whilst out on walks or trips to the park they didn't. And they likely didn't spend 8+ hours a day on their hobbies completely disengaged. Plus their hobbies weren't really harmful in the way phone use is. Children copy parents. And now we're seeing sexual assaults becoming commonplace in primary schools because parents don't care their young children are accessing disturbing material, as long it keeps them quiet.

Because we're the first generation of parents to have 'had a hell of a day"? Stop making excuses. It's inexcusable and the OP is right.

My point was that it's not just parents "these days" who struggle to cope with the demands of parenting - it's an old problem with new maladaptive coping strategies.

It's a bit deeper, in my opinion, than just putting the phones away.

My parents didn't have phones. Their generation had different crutches.

People decompress in different ways. I've never understood the "wine mom" thing that goes on, but it doesn't mean I judge them for their way of doing things.

Low doses of valium would not cause people to act "off their face" and was extremely common in the postwar period.

Edited to say: not that I think it was a good thing!! Just that this is not a new problem.

Those that are suggesting a dumb phone please can someone reccomend one that has WhatsApp (family abroad) and a decent camera ?

Most wild animals don't ignore their offspring when they need them.

There's really not a good enough excuse to keep scrolling your phone when your baby's been trying to get your attention for half an hour.

I don't think its a case of being on phones v interacting with kids. It's ok to ignore a child, they need to learn they cannot demand attention constantly. A mother who is at home with a toddler 24/7 cannot possibly interact all the time. So in that respect I don't think previous generations interacted more with their kids, they taught their kids to leave them alone at certain times. What's so damaging now I think is when a parent is tired of interacting they hand over the phone because they think it's one or the other. What's missing is the vital in between of doing nothing. Kids should be bored and day dream and sit there looking at people or traffic or whatever. Their brains need to process. It's good modelling for your child if you sit on the tube or wherever in silence and ignore them for a while. When the next generation come along they will never have learned to do nothing and will have a really difficult time in adulthood. I worry about the lack of cognitive development too.