Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

We got told a lot ‘children should be seen and not heard!’ Parents absolutely ignored their children it’s not a new thing at all.

Absolutely. Has nobody read 'Not now Bernard'? Written before mobile phones were invented.

I do not like this e-parenting of giving a toddler a phone or tablet to watch stuff on it. The worst ones are parents who have bought a tablet holder for pushchairs. Please interact with children, verbally and other ways.

We are going to create people who will have social skills and mental problems later in life.

What did she say when you pointed it out? Did she look flustered?

Zombies raising zombies. The future is bleak.

Parents can't blame covid on their behaviour of their 2 year olds now.

I would probably start to connect with the child in this position, but then I guess you'd risk being stabbed or something.

You are completely right OP and I don't care what day they've had. Step up; parenting involves sacrifice.

I remember my psychology teacher talking about this in 2018 and how she was worried about it, on the back of a lesson about early years attachment. I think it’s just gotten worse. I obviously wouldn’t judge anyone for occasions, but if it’s the norm it must be so harmful

I agree it is bad to ignore your children continuously - with that being said, parent have always ignored their children but it looked differently in previous generation such as knitting, reading books, papers etc

The posts trying to justify phone use at the expense of a child's mental health are screaming addiction.

Phones / tablets are now being used to suppress emotions, a coping mechanism and a distraction. We should be teaching our children how to deal with sadness / boredom / frustration / tiredness etc - not shoving a tablet or phone in their faces whilst trying to justify that it's for the best and that we 'need' to do it. We should also shouldn't be relying on them to get through life. What did people do 20 years ago when there weren't phones? If they'd had a bad day / were tired / sad / cross etc?

We've been fooled into believing that they're not damaging us and that we're great parents despite so many stories to the contrary. It's not true.

"What did people do 20 years ago when there weren't phones? If they'd had a bad day / were tired / sad / cross etc?"

Drink a lot and/or watch TV and various other maladaptive strategies. I certainly don't think parenting as a whole is getting any worse although it is different.

I agree OP. I work with young kids and couldn't be more against tech, when I see a device in a buggy it gives me the rage. If you are too young to walk then you are too young to have a device. Waiting areas are different I think thats ok to placate an upset child sometimes. But going for a walk with phone in hand is unacceptable IMO. Many kids are behind in gross motor skills because they are too long in buggies, not to mention poor concentration and communication skills.

As for the 11pm thing I had an insomniac toddler and sometimes avoiding eye contact for a long period was the only way he would relax and go to sleep. So in that regard I understand the ignoring but the way to model that would be to close your eyes and pretend to snooze yourself, not being engrossed in something else.

I hate the amount of times I am forced to be on my phone when i don't want to when with my kids. Parking apps for example. I was recently at a museum with my kids and there were no audio tours or pamphlets just QR codes at every exhibition, probably from covid times. The whole thing was designed for every visitor to be looking at individual screens. Instead we just wandered and chatted about what we thought we were looking at, no way was I spending my time on a phone. It feels like there is a big conspiracy out there forcing us to spend more and more time on these little screens.

It is definitely showing up in young children’s ability to socialise and communicate. I think recent cohorts are the ones with the most children struggling in these areas. Covid had an impact but this isn’t a reason for the babies and toddlers born after this ended to struggle. As well as babies being ignored so many are in front of screens when out shopping. I know it is hard work - I raised four before the days of phones and home delivery - but each trip out is a learning opportunity and you just need to factor longer into the trips and let the child ‘help’.

I think if you'd posted about parents phone usage in a park for example that would be a reasonable discussion. But we cant judge a situation where parents are on the tube at 11pm with a toddler. There are too many explanations for their behaviour such as trying to get DC to sleep, traumatic day etc.

The post is here to make you feel like you can give yourself a huge pat on the back, for doing better. Most of the posters doing that will have selective memory of their own experiences with a toddler. I think using the internet to soundboard our judgement in order to boost our own self esteem is another problem with society. We talk about mental health and anxiety but this can't be helping when a mother cannot ever get it right.

I had my arse handed to me on this forum some time ago, when I dared to suggest that mothers and/or fathers, walking along pushing a push chair with one hand whilst engrossed in a phone, was ignoring their child and not good for communication. It was suggested that the reason they were on their phones so constantly was that there was an emergency/ banking/ shopping/ getting directions/ making an appointment and any one of a number of reasons why that was absolutely the right thing to do.

I really don't think those are reasons why people are on their phones, at least for the vast majority of the time. I think it has a significant and lasting impact on language development, on well being and mental health and on communication.

A little while ago, I saw a father with a young child pointing out the fire engine that drove down the street. The boy was excited and waved at the fire engine. A short time later, it came back up the street and the driver sounded the horn for the little boy, who jumped up and down, waving madly. A small, but significant interaction and an experience for that child. It also brought back memories of the times I would point out birds, flowers, cars, trees, insects, animals on our walks or just on our way to the shops.

Of course the world changes and we can’t go back to earlier times, but it seems we are raising generations of people unable to communicate, acquire basic skills, achieve independence, have robust mental health and show consideration and empathy.

Not always the case, many parents still put their phones before their kids, there is evidence everywhere you go. Not everyone is taking an important call or sending urgent texts.
Why do some parents have kids just to ignore them by giving them a screen so often?
Some people shouldn't have the smallest pet to care for let alone a child.

She looked at me blank and then said oh I didn’t see the rain. Then she moved the baby under the canopy/porch. If that was my DC I would have gone crazy

Lol, ok then 🤣

That's very sad. Parents shouldn't be looking at phones at the expense of their child, and young children should definitly not be having phones instead of interacting with the world!
When my DC were young I'd pop on a bit of Cbeebies when they were up at stupid o clock or at the 'witching hour', and we'd sometimes look at the Cbeebies website together on the laptop, smartphones didnt' exist then.

I agree but it was midnight. I don't know the circumstances but those parents might have been switching off for ages first time that day. I've seen worse parenting without phones involved.

In the 80's my mum was either talking on the phone or reading a magazine. I didn't get 24/7 attention. Maybe we are demonising phones in that sense.

However, you definitely have a point. I think it's hard to ignore a baby to the same level with a magazine. Phones are addictive and it's mainly social media and ironically sites like this.

I agree but it was midnight. I don't know the circumstances but those parents might have been switching off for ages first time that day. I've seen worse parenting without phones involved.

'I've seen worse parenting' really isn't where we should be setting the bar.

It was 11pm and no matter what sort of day they'd had, scrolling their phone was not so important they had to ignore their baby desperately trying to get their attention for half an hour.

If your child was trying to get your attention and you ignored them = same thing
If your child was lying in pram quietly, not looking to get your attention and sleepy = not the same thing.

Which is an example of how nowadays parents can't cope without technology.