Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

I no longer go out for dinner in restaurants when there are children there because it makes me want to cry at them all on screens. Lots don’t even make it into a high hair anymore. Just sat in their pushchairs with a phone. It depresses me so much I just don’t go anymore!

I agree OP. I’m presuming the rise in children having speech and language difficulties when they start school has some correlation with this. It’s so sad. I also hate seeing kids in buggies and in shopping trolleys staring at screens. They’re so little. My kids are late primary and early teens and this just wasn’t a thing when they were toddlers. Or it was rare. But now it’s the norm and socially acceptable, in some circles at least.

I do understand how difficult it must be now to not be distracted by your phone but saying it’s mum / parent shaming is really unhelpful when the emotional and social needs and health of young children are at stake here.

I saw a mum once crossing the road, looking at her phone and pushing a stroller with a baby in at the same time.

It was a pedestrian crossing, but she didn't even look up.

People are too distracted by their phones.

Never mind that the phone snatching thieves are on the prowl.

I agree. I was at a cafe last summer with outside tables. On one table sat three grown ups, and one child (aged about 2-3, I’d guess). All three of the adults were scrolling on their phones. Not one of them was engaging with the child in any way. Poor child had no one to talk to and was just sat there. It made me feel so sad and honestly, has really stuck with me what a disaster smart phones have become to society. Yes they are useful, and I’m happy to scroll through crap too, but there’s a time and a place.

Totally agree OP, this is why kids have lost the art of conversation, give@take , won’t take no for an answer ( scream = iPad) no imagination for writing stories, have to be spoon fed information, can’t think for themselves ( sorry I’m ranting)

Ah, i wouldn’t let it worry you OP - 6 months time the baby will most likely have their own phone when the parents upgrade theirs…

seriously though - there was a bit on Radio 4 recently how damaging smart phones are to kids and how the expert thought they should be banned for under 16’s. Sad times indeed.

As a point of comparison, global tobacco is worth 1 trillion, while Apple alone is worth 3 trillion. And Apple is just one company among thousands of tech companies which are happy for us to be gawping at a screen all day. In fact much more than just happy - their profits insist it. But unlike smoking, governments are totally complacent toward the grip big tech has over our lives. As long as we remain functioning economic units, they couldn’t give a shit if we are all zombified both in and out of the office.

This is the main issue. Phones and the algorithms are designed to be addictive for a reason. Just like tobacco and smoking the power the tech and social media companies industry has is huge. We as individuals need to be more vigilant and take responsibility especially when it comes to our children.

Why more and more present at primary unable to interact concentrate and not
potty trained

Totally agree with OP.
This lack of interaction with children at these crucial early stages in life will have profound consequences for the child and society as a whole.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

I think they'll be wondering why their kids also have very little to do with them after they leave home.

Anyone excusing this by saying parents have had a busy day - this excuse needs to end. Absolutely nobody needs to scroll social media on a train or tube - it's not a 'need' or a human right.

And yes I have been a shit parent many times - I can still openly admit this.

This is an excuse tech has invented for us.

If the parent was reading a book and ignoring their child or baby it would be JUST as rude - but you know what - nobody does that because books ar enot as addictive and you don't see people ignoring children who are actively trying to speak to them for any other reason.

and another point on screens - they are replacing reading etc which is also a way to help kids relax/ keep them busy (how I would have been distracted as a child in a restaurant)

I went on a very expensive AI holiday last summer - I was shocked at the screen use by kids and teens. By the way there is no need for parents to be 'tired' of parenting here - there was an incredible all day child care set up with full activities, every child was in some sort of group.

Yet I did not ONCE see a child reading a book - in a week. On the last day I saw a boy with a book and actuallywent over and complimented his mother!!

every child or teen I saw at meals/ relaxing had their nose in a screen.

and btw. I have a SEN child so I KNOW how hard it is sometimes - but this does not explain the ubiquity of screens to keep kids busy.

I agree, also.

also absolutely true that kids growing up seeing adults on phones crave a phone.

we are tool using animals. Children evolve to watch and 'do' what adults around them do. See adults using phone - phone must be most important thing to 'master'

Yep, exactly this.

My son is 5 now and yeah I'd have a quick scroll when out and about while he chilled in his buggy for 5 minutes between running about or chattering and Yes I'm posting now while he watches scooby doo before we go out, but when he gets restless or just wants to show me something or whatever, I stop and engage, put phone away etc and always have.

And before anyone comes at me with "what about ones who don't rest/Sen/tired parents with no support etc" - I did lockdown with a baby/toddler who never slept (since discovered he has additional needs)

It's not that hard to engage with your kids.

I saw a little kid run up to a bus stop advert board recently trying to swipe it like a screen. It's was very bizarre to watch but if everything you see involves clicking and swiping that is what you expect.

I have no idea who the parents are she brings so many kids.

Agapornis · Today 00:06

Urgh I see parents/adults round here with noise cancelling headphones and pushchairs :\
That said, I also see dog owners doing the same - ignoring their dog. What's the bloody point of having a child or dog if you block them from both sight and mind?

This ^ I live next to a forest walk, and I see people pushing prams and walking dogs but on their phones paying no attention to either the child or the dog. I feel so sorry for those being ignored! One dog really caught my attention, he was trying to stop for a wee and the woman didn't notice, just yanked the lead when he tried to stop and dragged him along.

Put the phone away for ten minutes, engage with your child and / or your dog - everyone would be so much happier.

It’s so easy to do! I make such a conscious effort now not to be on my phone so much. When my daughter (14) comes to talk to me my phone goes away. I limit myself to 30mins in the morning and evening to scroll and then it goes away. My daughter’s phone is with me from 10pm until she is up and ready for school in the morning.

she is also following my lead in not being on her phone - they really do follow examples set x

The difference being that a magazine or a crossword is not designed to be addictive like a phone is. Much easier for the parent to stop and turn their attention to the child when they ask for it. Once the crossword or magazine article is finished, there was not an infinite amount more puzzles or articles there waiting for them, and in general they would not take them out and about with them everywhere they went, to be constantly distracted by them.

Its not just about the phones. Some people will ignore their children and zone out even without the phone.

I'm a primary school teacher, and you'd be shocked at the number of parents who greet their very small child with their phone glued to their ear in the middle of a call.
Often, they don't even greet their child, they just turn and start walking away, and the poor child is just trailing after them. It's so sad to see.

But a phone makes it infinitely more likely.

I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel so so sad OP, it like with anything in these situations, you’ve only seen a snapshot of their day.

Also phones don’t exclusively just have TikTok and MN on them. Everything in my life now is organised via my phone. I’ve been on one while my child is on a train because it’s the only way to get my ticket out or check times, or routes home, or if there’s delays. I’ve had moments where there’s been a death and I’ve had to keep in touch with my family but don’t want a sad phone call in the carriage.

If they’re on the train with a baby at 11pm they’ve hardly been clubbing, maybe something awful has happened. Maybe they’re trying to find a place to stay, or have had bad news.

It doesn’t make me so so sad. The only thing that makes me so so sad is that people see a snapshot of a day and assume that to be the case all the time. And it’s ALWAYS a judgement on women.

Another thing that makes me so so sad is people who think they need to come on a forum and make demands of adults they don’t know in a “I just care so much about the little children” type way.

Honestly I think people expect women to only ever go on their phones for 5 minutes a day and that they should hide ina cupboard when they do so.

Yep. When I was growing g up it was with the newspaper or TV or pub.

People want to blame phones because it’s easy, but there’s about a million others ways people are shit parents

Of course parents ignored their kids years ago. Ignkring kids is not a new thing. Parenting is MUCH better these days and far more child centric. There’s many ways to improve parenting standards but looking to the past is not one