Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

Years ago those parents would have had their heads in a newspaper or magazine. Or at home watching tv. Or doing a crossword. Parental issues are not new it’s just different distractions now.

I so so so agree., in fact was just speaking to dh about it the other day, how I see mums and dads completely ignore their kids while doom scrolling their phones. I’m so pleased we didn’t have them as our kids were growing up.

Disagree and agree. Phones are way more addictive than anything we’ve had before and transportable so although it’s not a new issue it’s now turbo charged.

Well said OP!!

💯

Its very sad. The children are suffering neglect.

Even so, if the child needed their attention, you wouldn't expect the parent to ignore their kid.

Well said OP! And while we’re on the subject of children’s health, they DO NOT need to drink those silly sugary bottled “juices” when thirsty.
if you get them used to water, that’s what they’ll drink!!!!

I'm not a parent but I find it a bit depressing in general that, wherever you are in public, you're surrounded by people staring down at their phones.

I remember about 13 years ago I was with my then toddler daughter on the train. We were chatting. As we got off a lady stopped me and said how nice it was to see a parent talking to her child. I was abit confused at the time, but sad later when I realised it was unusual. We used to have some fabulous chats on the train!

I agree OP, I was just on a plane and a dad sat with his kids spent his whole time scrolling while his kids caused chaos. At one point his kid put the seat tray down and then started kicking it up and down. After a few minutes of it he dragged his eyes away from the screen just long enough to yell 'no' and then was right back to it.

People weren’t thrilled with me recently when I said every single week (EVERY single week) for the whole of my kids swimming lessons everyone around me bar one or two other parents sit on their phones for the full hour, sometimes with me having to tip them and say ‘your ds is looking for you’ as their child waves up madly because it’s their turn/ about to be their turn. In your case hopefully a one off but yes totally agree with you

Exactly. You'd have to be so engrossed to not react to your child laying their head on your lap on a busy Tube, or tugging at their hood because they were so hot, which is what OP also said was happening. Or not give a shit about your child full stop.

I see it with carers too, in cafes. I notice because I care for a young adult with additional needs. There’s no chat- just the carer looking at their phone, and the care-ee just sitting. You’re paid to enrich, not to babysit! 😡

Same here. When I've gone for appointments, or just seen people walking past from my window, nearly are staring at their phones. I have a smartphone but often forget to turn it on, I really only need it for emergencies and actually don't think it would be comfortable to use for surfing the internet. I far prefer to take in life and notice what's going on around me. I feel sad for kids being brought up with them. What's so important that you have to be constantly scrolling??

Let's face it, the parents' behaviour is what normalises mobile phone usage, so by the time the child is 8-9 years old, they already pick up that their parent having their face welded to their screen is the norm and the way things need to be, so it perpetuates the next generation's behaviours.

Before the era of mobile phone usage, the alternative was to plonk kids in front of the TV to keep them quiet. The difference is that when they were out shopping, the TV stayed in the home and kids then had the chance to interact a lot more.

I was sat on the bus the other day and a mum and daughter got on and sat behind me. I was expecting them to get the phone out but they didn’t. They spent the journey looking out the window and chatting about what they could see. The fact that I was so shocked by it says a lot about where we are now

I drive past a school on my way home and I'd say 95% of the parents are on phones - completely ignoring their kids that they've not seen all day. I used to love walking mine home, them chattering about their day and what they wanted to do at home. The damage that parents are inflicting onto their kids these days is appalling and society will pay the price in 20 years time.

How the fuck did I get through raising 7 kids without a bloody phone telling me what I needed to do in life and a fucking app reminding me to breathe?
They all grew up and none are in fucking therapy.

Summary is that modern technology is de-skilling society at large (collectively) in every way possible.

Reduced communication skills
Reduced social skills, eg conducting meaningful friendships, 1000 "friends"
devaluing relationship, courtship, swipe-left, next please mentality
sexual connections, porn addictions starting in adolescence
lower attention span
AI compromising the ability to think through problems.

having been in IT all my career, Im not against technology but seeing the way it is being used, put in the hands of people with zero warnings or education about the dangers until it's too late, is all so bloody depressing.

I would be looking to tell the baby's parents .

I agree. I really want to get off my phone more and be present but I literally don't know how when everything is via the phone nowadays. Banking, emails, messaging people, shopping, apps for work, booking doctors appointments, nursery app for my child, my calendar, to do list, maps for directions, checking bus times, utility bills, listening to music, ring doorbell app. I don't use social media much and read Mumsnet a bit, but I still find myself on the phone a lot because I'm always busy doing something on it.

Were you up interacting with your child at close to midnight each day? I don't think we can judge a parent by their behaviour at 11pm. So many posters are comparing this interaction to parents they see in the daytime, at the playpark etc. As some posters have said, I would stroke my child's head but for other DC this can be enough to start the process all over again.

Both my teens and their mates voluntarily use the fauna app for revision, it blocks your phone and rewards you for doing so. They would struggle to revise otherwise. It’s insane where we are with this.

When I was a child (60s) we had a small black and white TV but it only showed programs in the evening, not during the day, so there was no plonking me down in front of it. Instead I used to go play with my toys, or go outside to play if it was fine.

And it teaches kids that doom scrolling is normal.