To be a bit annoyed that I have to remind my DH to remind my DC that its Mothers Day soon?

[sausagebapsforlife]

Anyone else have this?

It is approaching and no-one has mentioned it. Yet again it seems like no-one will do anything for me unless I remind them. I have to remind my DH to remind the DC. Both DC are adults and both live quite a long way from us. Neither of them are Mothers themselves yet.

So this morning, as usual, I mentioned it to my DH and asked him to not to forget to give them that nudge and he said he is not going to this year. They are adults and shouldn't need reminding.

While I do agree with that, I also know that both my DC have full on lives and won't forget on purpose. It will simply be overlooked. If not reminded they are definitely both likely to forget and then when they realise they have missed it will both feel really bad. And I actually don't want them to feel that. At the end of the day they are both good kids. Just forgetful and busy.

But every year I do feel a bit disappointed that they are likely to forget unless prompted and I don't think its too much to get a card and some flowers once a year.

Have they been reminded/prompted/spoon-fed every year? If so then yes, they might forget this year. Accept that and give them the chance to recognise it and take control from next year onwards...

What exactly are you expecting them to do that requires so much advance notice and discussion 😂

Let them forget. Let them feel bad. And don't remind them about other things.

It is part of growing up. Mine forgot once. And they felt awful, and have never forgotten since. Even though I don't place much value on it, they do, society does (not in UK) and it was a bit of a life lesson for them

So you’re annoyed that you need to remind your DH to remind your DC that it’s Mother’s Day?

How do you know they’d all forget without you? Only one way to find out..

You say they live far away? Is there any chance they live somewhere like Australia or the US where Mother’s Day is in May so the supermarkets and shops won’t be reminding them?

My husband adored his late mum but was oblivious to Mother’s Day unless I reminded him. Didn’t make him a bad son or person, he always remembered her birthday and his parents wedding anniversary. Just one of those things.

my sister is living in Australia for 30 years and every year I have to remind her that our Mother’s Day is in March, not May like theirs. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love our mum as much as i do.

do they remember your birthday, are they thoughtful in other ways?

Maybe he could say that to them and ask them to set reminders on their phones or workcalendars

i get everyone is busy but it happens every year in March it’s so easy to google the date and yes they are adults who can do this themselves

i would be upset too if I were you, Mothers Day should be important to them - you should be important to them

Whether or not your adult children celebrate Mothers Day has no bearing on how they feel about you. I had an awful relationship with my own mother (now long passed away) and yet I never forgot Mothers Day because I was conforming to societal and generational expectations - it also pleased her to send her a few flowers and a card.

I do feel that the younger generation don’t put as much importance on greetings cards and official days, as perhaps we did. However Mothers Day turns out for you, I hope it’s lovely - perhaps arrange to do something nice with your DH.

Just stop babying them. They know when birthdays and significant events are.

Again... THEY'RE GROWN FUCKING ADULTS.

They have phones that automatically put in things like mother's day.

Plus they aren't under a rock.

If they don't bother,it's entirely on them

I feel for you, OP. I have a ND family and take the view that if I don't issue ALL the reminders - including my birthday etc - they will not remember special days. Yes, the date itself will trigger them to remember, but the fact that it is approaching does not.

With us, it's a family joke. The (adult) kids say I only phone to remind them about something (I don't), but I do not prompt by text. It's just a thing in our family.

Incidentally, when they were little, I did prompt DH about my dates so that he could take them shopping/make something, but once they were old enough, I cut out the middleman.

They haven’t forgotten op

They just don’t want to celebrate the day

Aw OP it wouldn’t take much for your DH to send a quick message, even if he thinks he shouldn’t have to, if he knows how hurt you’ll be. Some things matter more to some than others, this matters to you and that’s important.

i am lucky in that my DC always remember but I don’t really like the whole ethos around Mothers Day. My own DM feels the same. My DC treat me well all year round so I don’t need one day to be spoiled. But I know everyone doesn’t feel the same and if it is special to you then it must hurt and I’m sorry your DC don’t do better OP

Do they need reminders from their parents about exam dates? Job interviews? Medical appointments? When the milk is about to expire? When the rent/mortgage is due? I’m guessing probably not, because they are adults running their own lives. So they don’t need reminders for this. I’m with your DH.

What a nasty comment

They're adults. If they care to remember then they will.

Mother's day isn't special. Fine when the kids young but as adults why do you need to do anything special? You chose to have kids, the didn't choose or ask to be born so why should they buy gifts/cards/flowers/take you out? Maybe you should do it for them since you're the one that wanted kids in the first place.

I feel the same with fathers day.

Why is it up to your dh? I know men are to blame for everything on here but there has to come a point when you have your own voice so use it if you want

Do you email or phone your DDs OP?

If so, can you mention it yourself - e.g. what you are planning to do for yourself that day and ask whether they'd be free for a phone and zoom call while you and they go out to separate cafes for a pastry at chat together, if distance means you can't actually get together?

Exactly this

This. My dc have no one to remind them but have always since being little put thought into showing their appreciation of me as their mother on mothering Sunday.

My adult kids don’t buy me anything for Mother’s Day and don’t text or anything and haven’t since they were kids almost forty years ago. I don’t feel bad, they don’t feel guilty.

They do phone/WhatApp/visit regularly the rest of the year, which means far more than marking one overhyped day a year.

Because it honestly does t seem to have occurred to the op that her two adult dc don’t live under a rock and if they don’t send a card etc for Mother’s Day…. It’s because they don’t intend to do anything about it

OP there are huge ‘nudges’ in every shop, supermarket and all over the Internet. You can’t escape the advertising for Mothers Day even if you tried!!! Don’t be brainwashed into thinking that a card on MD means anything. My DH refuses to go along with what is a huge marketing exercise for the card companies and never sends one to his mum who also agrees with him!! They talk every day at the same time. Cards on one day of the year mean zilch

but does it really mean anything if you remind them?

DH is really good remembering birthdays but his mother used to rewrite to him twice a year, s week before her birthday and a week before Mother’s Day. I always wished she could have the joy of his remembering and sending a card unprompted.

I’d be quite offended if my mum had to remind me about Mother’s Day or any other important dates. I live quite far from my parents and my job is hectic, but I’d have to be a bit stupid to miss Mother’s or Father’s Day or birthdays.