To be a bit annoyed that I have to remind my DH to remind my DC that its Mothers Day soon?

[sausagebapsforlife]

Anyone else have this?

It is approaching and no-one has mentioned it. Yet again it seems like no-one will do anything for me unless I remind them. I have to remind my DH to remind the DC. Both DC are adults and both live quite a long way from us. Neither of them are Mothers themselves yet.

So this morning, as usual, I mentioned it to my DH and asked him to not to forget to give them that nudge and he said he is not going to this year. They are adults and shouldn't need reminding.

While I do agree with that, I also know that both my DC have full on lives and won't forget on purpose. It will simply be overlooked. If not reminded they are definitely both likely to forget and then when they realise they have missed it will both feel really bad. And I actually don't want them to feel that. At the end of the day they are both good kids. Just forgetful and busy.

But every year I do feel a bit disappointed that they are likely to forget unless prompted and I don't think its too much to get a card and some flowers once a year.

They don’t feel that bad if they haven’t learned that MD is always in March and to put a reminder in their calendar. If you’re ordering flowers, you can even do it weeks in advance and have the delivery company worry about it getting there for the day.

Stop reminding them and get them to take some adult responsibility . They’ve known you and your h for at least 20 years and since birthdays never change, it’s even more unreasonable that they need reminding.

I suspect that my kids have occasionally been reminded when someone posts a Snapchat story but they nip out for a card and flowers which is what I’d like to receive. Last year (I think) was super early so more understandable if people forgot but I hope that they rectified their mistake when they realised.

I think you should find yourself 'forgetful and busy' next December and see if anyone notices. I agree with your DH, they don't need reminding.

Thanks for reminding me.

shame on them if they cannot remember but I am with DH, they are adults. It's also not really meaningful if they only remember because a patent made them to. I'd rather not. I think you need to let that go. It's largely a commercial exercise only in any case.

@Ilovelowry I think the point is that they know it's important to the OP. I genuinely don't care much about MD but my kids know that so it wouldn't be that big a deal to me if they forgot. But it is a big deal to OP and that is something they should repect.

Just wait and see if they remember. If it gets to Sunday and they haven’t, then I’d just send a cheeky/jokey message to remind them ans to make up for it.

At least then you might get a phone call and it may prompt them to remember next year.

Why are you so worried about this, OP? Why exactly does it matter to you so much that they may forget?

I have adult sons, they have a WhatsApp group to organise presents for me for birthday /mothers day/Christmas. I think ds1 is usually the one to take the lead. They've never forgotten.

OP your DC need to think for themselves!

YANBU !!
I would also feel the same. I am 40 year old Female with my own child. I have two siblings (27), (32). The 27 year old and his wife manage to spoil our mum every year no issue. However the 32 year old (problem child) ALWAYS forgets or doesn't bother and it breaks my mothers heart (he is her favourite) so myself and my dad take it in turns every year to buy a card from him and have it sent. Now I'm pretty sure she knows it's us but means she's not as disappointed (I do tell my brother when I do it so he doesn't duplicate) as I just cannot stand the fact he can't be bothered. Now there has been times when we haven't thinking the same as the others in this thread that he's an adult etc but the disappointment that then leads too just makes me anxious.
so in my opinion you are not been unreasonable to expect your husband to give them a nudge that MD is fast approaching and I think he's a bit unreasonable to refuse tbh. It takes 30 seconds wether he should have to or not is beside the point - you are their mother and even if they are adults that doesn't stop
there was a time when they were at home and your husband benefited from the tasks you did for the kids (I am guessing) like dinner, ironing etc and you may not do things for them everyday now but you have done for the whole family and to ask your husband to give them a nudge is not unreasonable at all.

just my opinion

They’re adults. Also it’s hard to forget with all the signs in every single supermarket and everywhere. Unless your DC never leave their houses, don’t watch any tv, don’t see anyone it’s beyond difficult to not register that Mother’s Day is around the corner.

Nothing to do with your husband.

It's up to your adult children whether they celebrate Mother's Day or not.

My mother didn't do Mother's Day, she said it was an American invention that came over in WW2. I don't do it either, never have. I'd rather have a fuss made over me on my birthday because it's about me as a person.

Just remind your adult children yourself.

Social media, shops, tv/radio, partners, friends, colleagues are all mentioning it one way or another.

Unless your children are actual crabs, living under a rock, there is no way they are forgetting Mother’s Day is coming up.

I think OP, for Mother’s Day, you should start a tradition now where you treat yourself. You go out for a nice breakfast maybe, buy something for yourself and get some chocolates to enjoy. You earned it, raising two kids.

There is no way I would do this. It's just fabricated day.

I agree there are adults but how hard is it for your dh to remind them. The only person who loses out is you! Why would he want you to be hurt, even if he’s not directly caused it he could have prevented it. Plus presumably your children rely on you guys giving them a heads up so he should do it but say I’m not reminding you anymore put the date in your phone.

My MIL texted my husband 3 weeks ago to ask him to send MD cards from him and grandchildren in advance to ensure in time for this week as she is going on a 3 week holiday.
DH has not had time to do so.
We both work full time, travel a lot for work and have zero help with childcare. Both MIL and my parents stay circa 2-3 times a year and treat it more like a holiday. They are 2-4hrs away.
So sorry, but whilst feel bad cards won’t arrive in time for her holiday we have other priorities at this time than sorting cards for a made up fabricated day.

You don't have to, OP, you choose to.
Alternatively, you could take the line that it's now mostly an excuse for a lot of commercial activity, and opt to ignore it. Up to you.

I mean your MIL sounds a bit of a div for reminding/telling you husband to ensure cards are sent on time. But..the whole, we are so busy, super kooky, bringing up our kids, no time for that sort of commercial nonsense.. vibe…is really naff. Either you can be assed, or you can’t. Takes all of 3 minutes to send a moonpig card. If you don’t want to, then don’t. But cut all the crap in between.

This is why they never bother to remember, though! Everyone has a calendar on their phone. They're lazy.

Ooh, I just realised the kids are adults. So,

1. Stop mollycoddling them - if they care about it, then it's up to them to sort it out
2. If they are going to send you flowers, why do they need to "mention it" several days in advance?
3. Isn't Mother's Day really for little kids to give their mummy a few daffs, and some cornflakes in bed? Not a thing for adults.
4. If you have to prompt your kids, then isn't the whole thing absolutely pointless and meaningless?

Don't be one of those "martyr mothers", OP - you're better than that, I'm sure.

I have 2 adult children they have there own lifes to get on with.
I never did bother with mothers day im just happy to have children that call every other day to say hi and let me know they are okay thats good enough for me.
I get thats it may be an important day for some but not for me.
Im a mother every day i wake up even though i dont have to do any parenting anymore im still a mum.

Why do you think they will forget?

I haven't mentioned mother's day to my mum but I know it's happening and will have a gift for her.

Every year my FiL messages my husband to 'remind him' about mother's day. It's tedious and actually insulting that he (and my MiL) don't trust that after 36 years he will remember mother's day.... Especially he now also has a wife and two children too! (Note: they aren't reminding him to get something for me......)

I'm with your husband. They will remember themselves and if they don't so what... Sulk then.

Sorry, but it doesn't sound that your children really care about you. What are they so busy doing that they cannot remember a card or gift or plan a lunch with their mother? That is just a stupid excuse. If they wanted to do it, nothing would stop them. You asking your husband to remind them, almost feels like you're begging for something, that your kids don't really care to give. I totally understand your disappointment. I'm sure it hurts and this is not a nice situation but perhaps bring this up with them instead.