To be a bit annoyed that I have to remind my DH to remind my DC that its Mothers Day soon?

[sausagebapsforlife]

Anyone else have this?

It is approaching and no-one has mentioned it. Yet again it seems like no-one will do anything for me unless I remind them. I have to remind my DH to remind the DC. Both DC are adults and both live quite a long way from us. Neither of them are Mothers themselves yet.

So this morning, as usual, I mentioned it to my DH and asked him to not to forget to give them that nudge and he said he is not going to this year. They are adults and shouldn't need reminding.

While I do agree with that, I also know that both my DC have full on lives and won't forget on purpose. It will simply be overlooked. If not reminded they are definitely both likely to forget and then when they realise they have missed it will both feel really bad. And I actually don't want them to feel that. At the end of the day they are both good kids. Just forgetful and busy.

But every year I do feel a bit disappointed that they are likely to forget unless prompted and I don't think its too much to get a card and some flowers once a year.

I really can't be arsed with another pointless "celebration" designed simply to boost profits. But I am with your DH on this - you'd have to be living on Mars to not notice when it is because every other ad / email is about what you should buy! If your children don't know when it is or that you care about it, then they simply can't be arsed, in which case you know what to get them for their birthdays.

It's nothing to do with your DH. I'll get cards because DC are young and still make them at school and I'll get some daffodils because they give them out at church. I'll send my mum a card because she likes it but I do find it a bit silly and will be happy for DC to not bother when school stops facilitating it.

Same as I would have found it weird if DH had done anything about it when DC were too young to do it themselves.

You raised them.

YABU

You shouldn’t be reminding DH and DH shouldn’t be reminding DC.

Your DC shouldn’t need reminding and if they do, DH shouldn’t need telling to remind them.

I do feel sorry for you that both your DH and DCs seem to take you for granted but I don’t understand how it makes you feel better to receive something when you’re the one having to tell them to do it.

You might as well buy a card for yourself and just sign their names.

I thought you were going to say they were about 7!

no excuse! They are adults..he’s right im wondering you’re overindulged then growing up and they haven’t learned to think for themselves

Retaliating by not giving birthday or Xmas presents would only be appropriate if the adult children didn't get their mother a card/present for her birthday and/or Xmas.

I told my mum when I was 19 that I didn't agree with enforced 'caring about your mother on one specific day' and that I'd demonstrate in ways of my own choice. I did it, for example, by never turning up at my parents without a gift for her.

They don’t need reminding, it’s all over the shops and social media that it’s Mother’s Day?

My dc are adults too, both have autism (one severely autistic), I doubt I will get anything other than a message from my eldest dd, my youngest lives with me but isn’t capable of sorting a card without support.

I’m not too bothered about Mother’s Day tbh, people should appreciate their mums every day of the year.

This⬆️ 100%!

It's not a big ask - no matter how busy their lives are - there are reminders absolutely everywhere - supermarkets, TV adverts, etc. Your life was undoubtedly busy when you were raising them but yet you remembered EVERYTHING for them - they can get a grip once a year & show you some consideration. If they forget, be rightfully cross with them & tell them how crap they are!!

The lack of insight in this Op when we’re talking about adult children is hilarious

I agree with your DH and I wouldn’t do any more reminding myself.

Also what’s to stop you booking yourself a nice lunch etc for Sunday?

I assumed you meant little children and was going to say you were being unreasonable as until they are old enough to want to fo it themselves then it's pretty pointless.

Now I know they are adults you are definitely being unreasonable as they are perfectly capable of sorting it out themselves.
Tbh my children at 10 and 12 have never done anything other than if school have made crafts and I am not bothered if they ever do something as present buying for the sake of it feels very pointless to me.

I'm sorry your kids are selfish, it must be really shit for you.

Presumably they visit supermarkets and shops? They see all the mothers day stuff all the time. If they don't get you anything, it's just because they can't be arsed.

They don't even have to buy anything from the shop. They could order you flowers online when they're waiting for the bus. Letterbox gifts, etc there's all sorts out there that they could order in 2 mins.

"If not reminded they are definitely both likely to forget and then when they realise they have missed it will both feel really bad."
Let them feel bad. Maybe that will remind them to do it unprompted next year. And I'd make damned sure that it would be a 'when they realise' and not an 'if they realise'.

Did you not teach them Consequences as children?

And yes, as has been suggested - maybe 'forget' their birthdays this year?

Get them to put it in their calendar on their phone, they must have something that they need to add events into to check what they are doing. Mother's Day is always in March and Father's Day is always in June. They can put a reminder in to buy a card etc and they can also do it for birthdays and again you can set a reminder for however long before you want. It repeats yearly.

When my children went to uni they knew that they wouldn't be reminded of it. They also knew that Dh would come down on them like a tonne of bricks if they forgot anything to do with me and the same for me if they forgot anything for Dh.

I wouldn't remind them but instead send a text to say that your expectation is to be remembered on birthdays, Mother's Day and Father's Day and to add it to their calendar now. Then the onus is on them. If they are selfish, maybe you should be selfish back.

I'm wondering if mine will remember, but resolved to not view it as an obligation or a disappointment. Worst thing would be them reluctantly traipsing out to get something and send it because of a reminder. I didn't remind them for DH birthday and they sorted it. I have not always sent mother's or father's day cards to mine every year.

DH sidn't get MIL a birthday present or card one year. She "forgot" his birthday and Christmas presents that year. About 14 years ago (in his defence we did have 4 kids, 3 under the age of 4) but that aside it sharpened his mind and he's never forgotten since!

I know I’m in the minority but I don’t see why your DH is so uptight about sending a quick text?

They are grown women, just as you are OP.

Do you need someone's help to remember a basic, annual thing that is all over shops and the internet for weeks in advance? I'll guess the answer is no.

If they don't bother it's not because they didn't realise or forgot.
Do something you enjoy.

I would book a lovely pub that you want to go to and invite them

Eh? I’m an adult and don’t have kids and neither DH nor I need reminding it’s Mother’s Day! Your DH is quite right.

I can't really see why anyone would want a duty card in any case. If they genuinely don't care enough to make a small effort unprompted, then what's the point, really? It's just a tick box.

Hopefully they will become a bit more appreciative as they get older.

Then again, maybe they will surprise you and remember without the prompt...if you haven't ever given them the opportunity to take responsibility, you can't know that they won't get their acts together anyway!

Has it occurred to you Op that your adult kids are aware that Mother’s Day is looming

they just choose not to celebrate it

They're adults. If they feel bad, they feel bad.

That's like telling someone you want a card and a present twice a year no exceptions, I can't imagine doing that to an adult child or my husband.

Even if my DH had celebrated Mother's day for me whilst the DC were growing up, I would never in a million years expect them to HAVE to do something when they are an adult.

You're not his mum and your kids are adults. 🤷‍♀️