Tell me I'm not still considered a young mum this time round

[Impacttywin]

Afternoon all.

For background I had my first child at 15 and am now 23 pregnant with my second.

I'd been looking forward to not having to deal with people staring at me, making rude comments and making mum friends my age.

Only to read threads on here where people are saying under 25 is way too young to be a mum and the youngest mum they know is 29 etc!

I'm not far enough along to go to antenatal classes yet but please tell me I will not be the youngest there.

It does depend on where you live. The youngest in my group of friends to have a baby was 29 at the time and the oldest was 39, so yes, you'd be very young in that context.

If anyone gawps, you can console yourself with the fact that although they may be older, they don't appear to be any wiser or have any manners!

At my baby massage class I was the youngest mum at 30. Most were closer to 40 or older. This is in Scotland.

In our NCT group, the youngest was 27 and oldest 38 with most of us being around early 30’s. I think NCT is a very middle class thing to do though so it’s a bit self selecting.

Across the baby and toddler groups I have gone too there have been mums with one or two children in their early twenties (or looking incredibly youthful, I never asked) and they were as as equally lovely as those who were late 30’s.

I was 32 with my first but I would have loved a child sooner but I didn’t meet my partner until I was 28 and he is the most wonderful dad, I couldn’t imagine having a child with anyone else. In summary 23 is totally not too young and I don’t think you will stand out as a young mum particularly. But just don’t worry about it. There’s enough to worry about anyway without this.

Depends entirely on where you live. You would have been the youngest in my nct group by at least a decade. But why let it bother you if you’re happy

I can only imagine the comments you must’ve had thrown at you when pregnant with your first. You’ll still get plenty of comments thrown at you this time regardless, only some will be different. It’s one of those things people feel entitled to do in life- and yes I’m fully aware I’m commenting at you right now! 😂
It can be grating to hear but tends to just be idle chat without much thought behind it. So try not to take any of it to heart.
How wonderful to be having another child with so much life ahead to spend with them.
My daughter’s 7 like your eldest. However, I’m 47 and very aware my only child will quite possibly no longer have me around by the time she’s my age. Additionally, my parents are in their 80’s and unable to experience most of the joys of having their only grandchild now.
Having children makes you a target for lots of crap at any age. People are going to say what they’re going to say regardless. Enjoy every moment is what I say. You’re only just entering your prime time physically and I guarantee so many older mothers are envious of you getting to do it all now, no matter what they say differently.
Lots of mums your age and younger will be having their first child. You’re also an inspiration and role model to them as you have so much mum wisdom and experience already!
There no such thing as the perfect age to be a mum. We all go through the same emotions. Some just judge others more, which generally tends to be driven by their own circumstances than yours.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and wishing you every happiness with your expanding family ❤️

Yes you’re a very young mum. Average age is 29.2 but around here everyone is older by a few years at least. In my NCT the youngest was 29 and she was 6 years younger than the next.

Just to add. It’s only today’s standards that label you as a young mum. Completely normal in my mums generation.
Young mum DOES NOT = bad mum!
❤️

I would never condone anyone being mean but surely you can see why a pregnant 15 year old would draw looks. You were a child. Literally! I would be horrified to think of a child being a mum.

Sorry to say you’ll still be seen as a young mum. I was asked by the trainee midwife after I’d had dd when I was 23 whether or not I was going to go back to school when the baby was a bit older! And was completely ignored by other mums at baby groups to the point where I stopped going to them. I felt very isolated.

I had my first at 26 (and could pass for 16, I had such a baby face) and I was the youngest at most baby groups and still am the youngest parent at nursery. I had my second 2 years later but thankfully by then parenthood had aged me sufficiently that I didn’t get as many looks 😂

I have discovered that on Mumsnet it seems really common to have children mid 30’s, even late 30s-40. In my real life I don’t know anybody personally that had children in late 30’s, and personally I think that’s quite old- especially for a first. But, I think it’s definitely more common in middle class circles, and that’s not my background.

I am more of a council estate type girl 😂 and most people I know had babies in their 20’s. I think you’re young but definitely wouldn’t cause me to raise an eyebrow or think it unusual.

I am 37 now and absolutely cannot imagine having a baby at this age. I feel like the best part of life is over, not just beggining 😂 I can’t imagine parenting young children in my 40’s and doing school runs.

Stop caring what others think op and do your best young mums can do it alone i did.
Im 38 my youngest is 20years my eldest is 22 years.
I took a lot of stigma from alot of folk even family but i made it work.
I worked my arse off to be where i am to day from benefits to cleaning tables to becoming a support worker for mums.
From bedsit to baby unit to owning my own home and living abroad.
No matter what age women are when they have kids someone will always judge without knowing your story.
So hold your head up op you got this.

You feel that that the best part of your life is over. At 37? How fucking depressing. You’ve hopefully got another 50 years of living.

Well yes, even if I live until 87, which is unlikely, surely those last 20 years are a bit shit compared to your 20’s and 30’s?
I do feel a bit like it’s all downhill from here to be honest. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis?!

As soon as I passed 35 I felt very old. Maybe it is to do with having my kids young. Maybe having kids when you’re older makes you feel young, who know. But I definitely feel far from young.

I was 24 and met one other mum younger than me at baby groups. All the other mums were lovely though and never felt judged.

Depending on where you live you could still be the youngest. There’s a trend of leaving having kids until right near the end of your fertile years these days.

don’t let it worry you though. 23 is a lovely age for a baby. I was 22 with my second and felt a difference in how I was treated even compared to being 19 with my first. Having a baby in your teens is an interesting experience. People seem to assume you’re a bit thick. It’s amusing and annoying in equal measures.

I’m 31 and I’m the youngest mum in my child’s class, I think it depends on where you live to what’s the norm.

I was 21 with my 1st going to baby groups (I’m now 27- expecting my 2nd). Most people were lovely to me and I made friends with a nice group of women who were all aged 30-43. I remember there was a bigger age gap between me and one of the other mums than there was between me and my son- age didn’t make a difference, we bonded over being mums. I

I did look quite young (I was still ID’d for paracetamol, which you have to be over 16 to buy!). Unfortunately, this meant I still had many unkind and patronising encounters with doctors and random people when out and about. Op, I’m sure sadly you already know what that feels like, but you get used to it I suppose.

I found the stigma very insulting to be honest. I do think it’s very ott and patronising with some of the comments on MN regarding mums under 25. I was no different as a mum than the mothers who were 30+ (bar having a lot less money!). I was heavily invested in being a good mum, and if anything I was probably a bit too by the book at times. People assumed I fed my child crap and didn’t give a toss about things like screen time in passing comments, which was upsetting when I was actually the opposite.
HOWEVER, I did not get that at all from the mums I made friends with at baby group so stuff the one’s who made a snap judgement of me based off age.

Overall, op you’ll be fine and I imagine people will be a lot nicer than they were to you with your fist. I’m sorry you had to experience that as it really is unfair.

Living till 87 when you’re 37 now isn’t unlikely. It’s about average. You sound depressed.

I’m not depressed. Have lots of things I enjoy, I like my job etc. I just don’t like the idea of getting old, and realistically at 37 I probably am mid-way so it’s all downhill from here. It’s just reality.

There’s a span of 18 years in my mum friend group so I wouldn’t worry! I could be your mum, age-wise but you could probably teach me a lot as you’ve got a much older child and been through more parenting than me! Congrats on your pregnancy ✨

Same! Except mine is only 1 year old. All the other first time mums were late 20s or early 30s.

Who cares what other people think and their opinions. You are a mum to your lovely children, that's all that matters

I understand why, I even went to a hospital baby scan in my school uniform after doing a GCSE exam god knows what everyone must of thought. In hindsight good job I didn't get pregnant a few months earlier or I would have no GCSEs.

Having everyone stare at you and people making comments all the time does make you feel self conscious though, I think being pregnant again is bringing the memories back which is a me problem and I need to get over it

I was pregnant at 22 and didn't experience that level of self-consciousness or people staring at all.

I was a bit worried about going to an ante natal class because of my age, as I thought all the other couples would be older than me and my partner and I didn't go to any. But I think you should if you want to, I look back and think I had nothing to be ashamed of.

I did go to mother and baby/toddler groups and never felt judged at all or like people were staring. X