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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fake a drinking excuse to avoid my friend finding out we are ttc?

105 replies

nondrinking · 21/03/2025 20:52

This girl used to be one of my best friends, my bridesmaid, my partner-in-crime for ridiculous amounts of cocktails. Then I got married, had a baby, and settled into SAHM life (which I love), while she’s been off traveling, climbing the career ladder, and generally living it up. We drifted apart after I had my little one, which is a bit sad, but we recently started messaging again and have finally made plans to meet up after nearly two years!

Since she knows my husband very well, we’re making it a couples’ thing as she’d also like to see him, and she’s coming over with her boyfriend (whom I haven’t met yet). Naturally, she asked the all-important question: what are we drinking? Back in the day, we had a talent for putting away an impressive amount of cocktails and staying up way past our bedtime having charcuterie and wine, so fair enough.

Here’s the issue: my husband and I have cut out alcohol while we try for baby number two. It’s been over a year (no luck yet, unfortunately) so trying to maximise our chances any way we can. But we have also realised that telling people we’re TTC just leads to endless questions and unsolicited advice. And with this friend… she’s not known for keeping things to herself, and I know she’d be checking in constantly with “So?? Any news???” texts. I’d rather avoid that. From social media and the odd messages we have exchanged I know that alcohol is still a big part of her life, something she enjoys and I’m not sure she really socialises without it (not at all in an unhealthy sense)

So, AIBU to make up a reason for not drinking? And what’s a good excuse that doesn’t scream, “I’m pregnant” or “We’re trying”? Also, what about my husband? We can’t both be on antibiotics, surely?

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 21/03/2025 20:56

Say you're a recovering alcoholic and your husband is supporting you.

PandaG · 21/03/2025 20:58

Given up alcohol for Lent? If that would wash as an excuse at all? Or realised you were drinking too frequently so having a few months off to reset?

MidnightPatrol · 21/03/2025 21:00

Given you are TTC and not actually pregnant, I’d probably just have a few small drinks anyway.

She probably won’t even notice.

Meem321 · 21/03/2025 21:00

Or get pissed and shag when you get home? Works for teenagers...

MyVIsForVendetta · 21/03/2025 21:02

In the words of my teenagers “its not that deep.”

Original poster
nondrinking · 21/03/2025 21:02

@Meem321so these are exactly the comments that are unhelpful and hurtful during infertility that we’d like to avoid through not telling friends that we are ttc

OP posts:
Onlyvisiting · 21/03/2025 21:04

I'd just go with 'oh, we actually gave up alcohol last year, did dry January/sober October and felt so good we're making it permanent!
Or- well we won't be drinking as got DC in the house, but
I'd probably say sth like 'will have a bottle of x to go with the meal though' as I'm assuming you will be happy for them to have a drink, but guessing you won't be making booze a main feature of the night, so this makes it clear.

ScaryM0nster · 21/03/2025 21:04

Can’t hack the hangover with a small
child
being the obvious one.

Lent would be another.

Jk987 · 21/03/2025 21:04

I'd have a couple of wines and water in between. It won't affect your chances of getting pregnant.

IdaGlossop · 21/03/2025 21:04

This is far simple than you are suggesting. All you need to say is you have both found it easier to stop drinking since becoming parents as hangovers and childcare do not mix, and now you've got out of the habit and got used to drinking Schlöer/alcohol free/mocktails etc.

FaerieGodmother · 21/03/2025 21:05

I also think "it's not that deep". I barely notice people not drinking anymore. About ten years ago it was considered weird if you didn't I think, but now is a lot more common

If she gets pushy tell her to go away or lie and say you are an alcoholic as suggested^^. She may believe you if you used to put away a lot (no judgement - I did too in my youth)

ByWildLimeCat · 21/03/2025 21:05

Is there any part of you that fancies one night off to let loose a bit? One boozy night catching up won’t ruin any TTC chances for you and if you’d enjoy that over worrying you’ll trip up over an excuse you’ve both made up, I’d get a few drinks in and enjoy it and get back to the 0% the next day!

I say this as I can’t think of a reason you’d both be off the sauce without eyebrows being raised!

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 21/03/2025 21:05

In my experience, whatever you say, people will suspect you're pregnant.

NewName2025 · 21/03/2025 21:06

I havent really had a drink since I had DD1 (now nearly 4yo) because I can't really tolerate it anymore and I hate being hungover with a child. Just tell her you don't drink anymore and that DH has switched to 0% alcohol to keep you company. She's free to crack on but you won't be joining her.

PurBal · 21/03/2025 21:07

“I’ve got a kid, I don’t really do that anymore”

Onlyvisiting · 21/03/2025 21:07

Jk987 · 21/03/2025 21:04

I'd have a couple of wines and water in between. It won't affect your chances of getting pregnant.

But the OP didn't say she would love a drink but isn't sure its safe, she doesn't WANT to drink. Plenty of people don't drink alcohol for different reasons and the ' well have one anyway so you fit it' is a really shitty attitude. Peer pressuring to alcohol should really be over by the time you are an adult IMO.....

Nobody should need to make an excuse not to drink, a simple, oh I don't drink alcohol any more' should be more than enough. But sadly some people have drinking on social occasions being the norm so rigidly ingrained that I understand why the OP wants a ready reply to hand so she doesn't have to disclose the main reason.

Hibernatingtilspring · 21/03/2025 21:09

As others have said, there's nothing wrong with 'we don't drink anymore' and that's that.
However I do think it's best to give your friend a heads up first so that she can adjust her expectations. You dont need to over explain or apologise. Just 'i don't enjoy it any more' or 'it doesn't agree with me any more' - like others have said, it's easy enough to say you stopped due to childcare/sleeplessness etc and haven't wanted to go back to it.

WinterMorn · 21/03/2025 21:09

Just say you don’t want to drink alcohol. It’s as big a deal as you decide to make it!

thehorsesareallidiots · 21/03/2025 21:12

Just say that baby/toddler + hangover = shit combination. Which is fucking true.

Dreamerinme · 21/03/2025 21:13

I used the excuse of being on antibiotics for an ear infection or similar to get people off my back about drinking when I was pregnant but hadn’t announced it yet. No one argued with me that it was fine to drink.

As there is both of you not drinking you could say as others have said that you have extended dry January/giving up for Lent, or say that you just can’t hack the hangovers with a small child anymore.

If she harps on just be firm and avoid meeting up with her again in situations where alcohol is a possibility. It’s very immature to pressure other people to drink alcohol and I’d be really annoyed if a friend kept on at me.

Kaleidoscopic101 · 21/03/2025 21:15

If you need a convincing lie, you could say you had bloods done for tiredness to check if you're anaemic and had a liver function blood test that shows you have high bilirium, they want to run another test in a month's time to see if the bilirium is still high and adviced to not drink anything until the next blood test. High bilirium can actually present in many people as a fairly innocuous condition with hardly any symptoms called Gilberts Syndrome and for women can incidentally be present if you have a virus or on your period. Honestly you're making the right call about not telling her. You shouldn't feel you have to, it's private sensitive stuff.

MasterBeth · 21/03/2025 21:15

nondrinking · 21/03/2025 21:02

@Meem321so these are exactly the comments that are unhelpful and hurtful during infertility that we’d like to avoid through not telling friends that we are ttc

A year trying to conceive is not "infertility".

Bikergran · 21/03/2025 21:16

nondrinking · 21/03/2025 20:52

This girl used to be one of my best friends, my bridesmaid, my partner-in-crime for ridiculous amounts of cocktails. Then I got married, had a baby, and settled into SAHM life (which I love), while she’s been off traveling, climbing the career ladder, and generally living it up. We drifted apart after I had my little one, which is a bit sad, but we recently started messaging again and have finally made plans to meet up after nearly two years!

Since she knows my husband very well, we’re making it a couples’ thing as she’d also like to see him, and she’s coming over with her boyfriend (whom I haven’t met yet). Naturally, she asked the all-important question: what are we drinking? Back in the day, we had a talent for putting away an impressive amount of cocktails and staying up way past our bedtime having charcuterie and wine, so fair enough.

Here’s the issue: my husband and I have cut out alcohol while we try for baby number two. It’s been over a year (no luck yet, unfortunately) so trying to maximise our chances any way we can. But we have also realised that telling people we’re TTC just leads to endless questions and unsolicited advice. And with this friend… she’s not known for keeping things to herself, and I know she’d be checking in constantly with “So?? Any news???” texts. I’d rather avoid that. From social media and the odd messages we have exchanged I know that alcohol is still a big part of her life, something she enjoys and I’m not sure she really socialises without it (not at all in an unhealthy sense)

So, AIBU to make up a reason for not drinking? And what’s a good excuse that doesn’t scream, “I’m pregnant” or “We’re trying”? Also, what about my husband? We can’t both be on antibiotics, surely?

Yes, you could both be on antibiotics, both getting over a cold that turned into a chest infection. Remember to cough a bit, and Google which antibiotics you mustn't drink with, in case they ask.

Olika · 21/03/2025 21:16

Just tell her you are not drinking anymore as having a child has changed things for you.

takealettermsjones · 21/03/2025 21:18

Take the Friends approach.

  • Recovering alcoholic
  • Mormon
  • Had so much last night you're still a little drunk