To fake a drinking excuse to avoid my friend finding out we are ttc?

[nondrinking]

This girl used to be one of my best friends, my bridesmaid, my partner-in-crime for ridiculous amounts of cocktails. Then I got married, had a baby, and settled into SAHM life (which I love), while she’s been off traveling, climbing the career ladder, and generally living it up. We drifted apart after I had my little one, which is a bit sad, but we recently started messaging again and have finally made plans to meet up after nearly two years!

Since she knows my husband very well, we’re making it a couples’ thing as she’d also like to see him, and she’s coming over with her boyfriend (whom I haven’t met yet). Naturally, she asked the all-important question: what are we drinking? Back in the day, we had a talent for putting away an impressive amount of cocktails and staying up way past our bedtime having charcuterie and wine, so fair enough.

Here’s the issue: my husband and I have cut out alcohol while we try for baby number two. It’s been over a year (no luck yet, unfortunately) so trying to maximise our chances any way we can. But we have also realised that telling people we’re TTC just leads to endless questions and unsolicited advice. And with this friend… she’s not known for keeping things to herself, and I know she’d be checking in constantly with “So?? Any news???” texts. I’d rather avoid that. From social media and the odd messages we have exchanged I know that alcohol is still a big part of her life, something she enjoys and I’m not sure she really socialises without it (not at all in an unhealthy sense)

So, AIBU to make up a reason for not drinking? And what’s a good excuse that doesn’t scream, “I’m pregnant” or “We’re trying”? Also, what about my husband? We can’t both be on antibiotics, surely?

If she’s as full on as you say and would constantly text if she knew you were TTC, then it sounds like if you say you’re not drinking she’ll be needling you to ask if you’re pregnant.

This. You need to give your friend the heads up before.

That's not helpful. There have been plenty of good excuses on the thread.

I haven’t had a drink in years as alcohol doesn’t agree with me anymore. DH might have one beer as he just doesn’t enjoy it anymore. Not drinking isn’t a big deal like it used to be a few years ago where everyone would comment. Just say you gave up for dry January and you’re both liking the positives you feel from it. And if she keeps pushing you, stay firm, but then don’t see her again as she isn’t a good friend if she can’t respect someone’s decision.

When she buys a round go for wine spritzer when it’s your turn at the bar get soda water in a wine glass and ask the barman to put a drop of apple juice in it looks like wine

if it’s wine at the table , have a bottle of soda water in your hand bag to water it down when she’s not looking

with all the talking no one noticed

..,, or how about just share something personal with an old friend

“ we’re not drinking because we have secondary infertility and are desperately trying our best to conceive, we don’t really want to talk about it again until we have happy news “

oh and good luck 🤞 👶

@Onlyvisiting But the OP didn't say she would love a drink but isn't sure its safe, she doesn't WANT to drink

OP actually said she doesn’t BECAUSE of TTC. Others are pointing out it won’t have a material effect TTC, likely only psychological. So, I guess people are not saying she had to drink or even wants to drink but if it’s ‘just’ because of the TTC aspect as opposed to a want otherwise, and they would be happy to/want to if TTC was not in the table, then there is no reason.

I think the best thing to do is to respond to the friend saying, looking forward to seeing you, but heads up, we have given up alcohol. If they ask why, just say it’s incompatible with a busy life running around after little people. Which is true really, I drink, always have, but am sure I probably went for periods over a year without a drink when kids were little, only because I didn’t have the time/energy to ‘fit’ drinking in at the time, even a glass of wine of an evening, would have preferred to skip it and hit the pillow 30mins earlier instead.

Good idea @pimplebum . Actually you have just reminded me that a friend of mine used to mix instant coffee into water to fake a whiskey. But of course you can smell the coffee so not sure that would work.

Or just have a pint of coke and say it's rum and coke.

I do understand the OP's concerns though. I have a bunch of big drinking friends and when I am trying to scale back I want it to go under the radar and not drawn attention to.

You're over thinking this. So many people don't drink/drink rarely nowadays, it isn't unusual.

Just say you're on a health kick. That's true, without going into details.

Yes - I was once taking the antibiotics that you actually cannot drink on (metronidazole?). It wasn’t an excuse, it was genuine, but people assumed I was pregnant. It was worse because I was taking it due to an infection following a miscarriage.

I don’t drink anymore because even a small amount started making me feel like shit when I started drinking again after pregnancy. You could say that if she pushes for a reason.

Just say you don't drink anymore, no one should question you but they do as I know too well as someone who hasn't drank in 5 years (just not interested/ gives me migraines/ like to leave when I want and drive home 🤣🤣) say that a hangover with a child is hellish so unless she wants to come and help tomorrow you'll stick to the soft drinks 🤣 other ones are you're on antibiotics that you can't drink on, or you're due a blood test in the next few days and they don't want alcohol in your system. If she gets arsy just make her feel awkward by saying you're an alcoholic.. when we were struggling to conceive and people would ask when we were having a baby etc I would always try and say light hearted stuff but it didn't stop them, I eventually got annoyed and started making them feel uncomfortable with real answers / calling them out / firing cheeky shit back at them 🤣🤣

Here's a crazy suggestion, just be honest.

Say you're being healthy because you'd like to have another child and have cut out alcohol. You don't have to say you've actively been trying, you could phrase it as getting your body as healthy as possible in preparation for pregnancy.

No need for silly excuses and lies.

"we don't drink. But I'll make sure there's some good stuff in for you"

End of .

I’d just say on a health kick so not drinking. I do think there is an age thing here. I’m 40s and lots of woman have just quit drinking.

It’s the medical definition of infertility.

I’d say we’re on a bit of a health kick atm, or doing a bit of a detox, we feel sooo much better for it!

One of my not-drinking friends (she has cirrhosis) says when asked why she does not drink says 'I went Pro then retired early'.

It always gets a laugh and then people leave it. She's a rockstar in many ways to my mind.

You win for the most insensitive comment.

I went through years of fertility problems and fertility treatment. I found I was more likely to get pregnant when I’d had a couple of drinks or so. Not sure if it was feeling more relaxed or possibly alcohol thins your blood slightly or something. Disclaimer: I am not recommending this from a medical pov!

Just say you don’t drink anymore since having your child as you’re trying to be more healthy and sensible.

Just don’t drink much. That always draws the least attention. Have a glass of wine and stop at that. If she asks just say you’re older. Have a kid. It’s just now you live your life anymore.

Worked for me and I was 36 and not even trying 🤦🏻‍♀️

‘DH and I don’t drink anymore but obviously don’t let that stop you. ‘

Honestly? I’d just drink. It won’t make a spot of difference. And it might be fun to cut loose a bit and likely have a shag that’s not boring and ‘purposeful’.

Say you have a terrible hangover from the previous night

Change the plan to going out for a meal. It's weird having friends coming to your home in the evening as you sit and drink cups of tea. Obviously that's fine if none of you drink alcohol but it changes the vibe if one couple drinks and the other doesn't. Go for a meal where the focus is on enjoying the food instead of getting pissed.

Just tell her neither of you drink alcohol anymore. She'll probably be fine with going out for a meal.

If they're drinking and being annoying drunks after you've eaten (all drunk people are at least a bit annoying when you're sober), you can go home and they can stay out having fun.

"might be fun to cut loose a bit and likely have a shag that’s not boring"

Bit rude. OP and her husband could be swinging from the chandeliers for all you know.

"I found I was more likely to get pregnant when I’d had a couple of drinks or so. "

Unless you have about forty kids, that's not statistically significant piece of information.