To fake a drinking excuse to avoid my friend finding out we are ttc?

[nondrinking]

This girl used to be one of my best friends, my bridesmaid, my partner-in-crime for ridiculous amounts of cocktails. Then I got married, had a baby, and settled into SAHM life (which I love), while she’s been off traveling, climbing the career ladder, and generally living it up. We drifted apart after I had my little one, which is a bit sad, but we recently started messaging again and have finally made plans to meet up after nearly two years!

Since she knows my husband very well, we’re making it a couples’ thing as she’d also like to see him, and she’s coming over with her boyfriend (whom I haven’t met yet). Naturally, she asked the all-important question: what are we drinking? Back in the day, we had a talent for putting away an impressive amount of cocktails and staying up way past our bedtime having charcuterie and wine, so fair enough.

Here’s the issue: my husband and I have cut out alcohol while we try for baby number two. It’s been over a year (no luck yet, unfortunately) so trying to maximise our chances any way we can. But we have also realised that telling people we’re TTC just leads to endless questions and unsolicited advice. And with this friend… she’s not known for keeping things to herself, and I know she’d be checking in constantly with “So?? Any news???” texts. I’d rather avoid that. From social media and the odd messages we have exchanged I know that alcohol is still a big part of her life, something she enjoys and I’m not sure she really socialises without it (not at all in an unhealthy sense)

So, AIBU to make up a reason for not drinking? And what’s a good excuse that doesn’t scream, “I’m pregnant” or “We’re trying”? Also, what about my husband? We can’t both be on antibiotics, surely?

Exactly this! You sound like you are overthinking it. I’m sure her life has changed somewhat too.

Or you’re both moving to Yemen. Problem solved!

Absolutely this!!!!

you are a grown up. You have not seen her for years. Just don’t drink.

crazy to use the expression infertility after a year. You have a child, if you must label yourself perhaps secondary infertility. In a few years.

Another viewpoint but let loose and have some drinks! If you haven’t conceived after a year, it’s not your alcohol intake effecting your chances. Kick back and have some fun

Whatever excuse you want to say, make sure you mention it before, it'll give her the chance to go ahead or cancel.

Health kick? I used that as an excuse the other day because wine feels like wasted calories 😂

Having gone through 3 failed rounds of ICSI, I gave up trying to conceive after years of uncertainty, and then found myself pregnant. My advise would be to forgoet about babies for a few days, enjoy planning a night out and have some fun with an old friend. Enjoy and good luck.

Driving! Has worked for me for decades. Lent is good too.

1. we are hungover from last night
2. we are on a health kick
3. alcohol adversely affects our mental health (this one is true for me!)
4. we are trying to lose weight (may not be relevant for you)
5. buy non-alcoholic wine and decant in to a normal wine bottle (I did this when pregnant)

Honestly I think it’s quite normal these days for people not to drink alcohol. I don’t drink anywhere near as much as I used to and will quite often have a glass of coke/water/cup of tea and nobody assumes I am pregnant or trying to be. It’ll probably be a non-issue

On a side note, have you had any blood tests done recently? Get all your levels of the main ones tested and get your levels up to ‘optimal’

We learned our lesson that hangover and looking after little one doesn’t mix well. We were 🤢 so much the next day little one thought we were unwell, never again will be drink.

I don’t drink anymore and it’s purely down to a hangover with a toddler 🤣🤣

I’d maybe just say you now have to limit because hangover and kids don’t mix well but get some alcohol free drinks so you can still switch to them when you are ready, so that might be from the get go or you might have one glass of wine with your friend.

This only needs to be as complicated as you make it, why go to the effort of elaborate explanations when "I don't drink these days, gave it up a year ago" will suffice?

I think saying you both don’t drink anymore instead of just you makes it less obvious. Can’t handle a hangover with a child is an obvious one too, though I’m sure you get ‘oh go on you can have one or two though!’ with that
do tell her beforehand in case she doesn’t fancy it though

Just say you've given it up after doing dry January and realising that you feel better not drinking. It's really not a big deal these days!

You have acid reflux. Covers not eating a whole host of things when you are in the early stages of pregnancy too.

Just say you don't drink now. Pretty simple.

‘ we no longer drink alcohol’ . If you want to participate you can have some alcohol free wine, beer etc
when I was late 30s/early 40s I found alcohol was giving me terrible acid reflux; that lasted for over 2 yrs. May be an excuse you want to use?

Just say you don't drink any more. I really wish people would just accept that some people don't drink alcohol without having to give reasons and not be interrogated about why not.
I don't drink alcohol and it's fucking annoying.

If you don't want to tell her you don't drink any more just tell her one of the following:

1. You have a long drive the next day or have to be up very early for something.
2. You've given up alcohol for Lent
3. You're on antibiotics for something

I’d probably just have a few drinks, one night isn’t going to affect your fertility by a measurable amount. Either that or DC are a good excuse, as you have them in the morning and don’t want to be hungover.

Say you’re really hungover?

antibiotics screams pregnancy.

Or just be honest and say you’ve been trying for a while and you’re trying to be as healthy as possible.

You shouldn’t really have to explain. Alcohol is the only drug that people think you’re weird if you don’t partake- bizarre !

I usually tell people that I’m giving my liver a rest Alternatively, could one of you drive and the other be on antibiotics ?

habing the odd glass of wine is not the reason you haven’t conceived

You just don't make a big deal of it and assume they won't either. "We're actually not drinking right now, but please bring whatever you and [bf] like and I'll make some mocktails for everyone, too. Do either of you have any allergies or diet preferences? I was thinking of making..." Usually if you just act like it's nothing interesting and something you assume they won't care about then that's what will happen. If they do ask for some reason just give a basic "this isn't actually a thing" answer. A shrugging "We hit pause last year and just haven't picked it back up - it turns out hangovers and toddlers are about as much fun as you would expect and it's been easier to just not start" should be plenty.

Have a non-alcohol contribution idea (cheese plate, dessert, some good bread and olive oil) ready if you get an indication that she just wants to bring something for the table.

Is it a long term excuse or short term you need?

Short Term - Taking antibiotics

Mid term - Taking antihistamines for hay fever and can't mix with alcohol. It is tree pollen season 🤧 😪.

Long-Term - You stopped drinking, New Year resolution etc and you've never missed it. Sleeping so much better blah blah.

It certainly is. The UK definition of infertility is failure to conceive after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sex.