Cafe humiliation

[Skyview7]

Took my DD (hardworking mum to my 2 DGC) for lunch in a very nice local cafe (pink tea pots, fresh roses on the tables) as a treat.
Lunch menu looked nice. We ordered and I asked if I could just check if my salad could be gluten free. At this the waitress asked if I was choosing or actually coeliac. I am in fact, coeliac and she said then informed me that I would need to sign something first. Honestly, I thought it was a joke but she came back with a large clipboard and an A4 sheet of paper and pen and asked me to have it signed by the time she returned; she was not going to take the order until this was done.
I sat staring at the paperwork wondering of this was for real. The paperwork was a disclaimer that if the cafe should inadvertantly slip me anything gluten laden then they would keep this piece of paper with my "consent" at the risks therein.
Several ladies having tea and lunches were staring at me and DD when the waitress came back; she was astonished that I hadn't signed their form yet. I just wanted to have a nice salad lunch with my daughter to treat her without having some jobsworth make me out to be some sort of liability to them. DD said it had sucked the good vibe right out and she was absolutely right.
So the waitress then asked why I wouldn't sign. I had to explain (calmly but upset) that I had hoped for kinder and far more inclusive customer service instead of singling me out and making me "other" whilst their diners looked on wondering why I was having to sign their paperwork before anyone was willing to serve us. She said, no, it's not like that - but I had to explain again that their paperwork was not to caring for the customer it was them covering their back against me if they were to make a mistake. Although I previously liked the cafe very much, DD and I left.
I'm a woman of the world and a solo traveller too. I have a happy go lucky nature but today...I really felt humiliated. AIBU?

Unfortunately I’ve been in places that won’t serve you if you state that you have allergies because they are scared of messing up and being sued. I’ve seen disclaimers on menus stating that they can’t guarantee no cross contamination due to their small kitchen spaces. My local pub which has a coffee shop within it has sealed commercially sourced gf cakes to get around this and are a nut free building but for instance if you order food can’t guarantee anything cooked on the griddle or deep fried (except chips, have a dedicated chip fryer) is gf because they only one of each. True allergies are hard because you don’t want to kill your clients!

And they would refuse to serve you.

I don't see it as a waiver against sloppiness on their side. (If done correctly) it is more of an informed consent - it describes what they can and will do to accommodate you. If they don't follow their procedure, it is on them. If they do and contamination still happens, it is bad luck.

I think if it depends what was in the disclaimer to sign. The cafe can't waive responsibility for negligence in a disclaimer and nor should they. But if this disclaimer is confirmation that the OP's party has understood the kitchen handles gluten and cannot guarantee food free from cross contamination, that's a bit different. I can see the value in the cafe having it confirmed in writing to protect them that the OP's party received the message and were happy to have a meal prepped in a non-GF kitchen. The disadvantage to verbal and written notices is that it it one person's word against another as to whether the party was made aware of the cross contamination risk at the time of ordering if it comes to it later on. It can't and shouldn't cover the cafe having poor training or hygiene standards.

This will become more and more common though, and I think that more cafes and restaurants, especially small independent places, will refuse service to those with severe allergies and coeliac disease because the risk isn't worth it. The stakes are so high and in a small busy kitchen it's not possible to have dedicated space utensils and equipment for nut free, gluten free, dairy free, egg free, soya free, sesame free etc. as well as the many combinations of those allergens. It sucks for people who have allergies and coeliac disease who will have their options reduced further though.

That wasn't my point, perhaps the low literacy is an even wider issue than expected.

Do you realise that to be properly gluten free, that cafe would have to organise its kitchen so that there was total segregation between the salad leaf assembly stage of the salad making, and the adding croutons bit.

So you couldn’t get the same staff member with same gloves on to assemble three salads in a row, two standard one gluten free.

And you can’t let a staff member assembling two gluten containing salads do leaves, croutons, leaves, croutons without changing their gloves between te croutons and leaves step because going from croutons to leaves then means the whole bag of leaves is then contaminated.

Superficially it sounds easy. In real terms it’s tough.

She didn’t want served. Not exactly the own goal you think it is 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Does anyone else watch, "Great British Menu"?

Tom Kerridge has an allergy to, I think, shell fish, but a couple of the chefs have mentioned how much more difficult it is to keep washing hands and avoiding cross contamination.

I wouldn’t have wanted to eat there after that either because they wanting a disclaimer would say to me that they weren’t confident they could exclude gluten. So on that basis I would also have walked.

I can’t see that it was humiliating as such, because there’s nothing to be ashamed of with being coeliac but I agree I wouldn’t feel safe.

I get it, it's not what they ask it's how they ask. My son has food allergies and I once walked straight out of a restaurant as they insisted on questioning me at the door with everyone looking on. I'd happily answer and actually discuss, but it's the attitude and how it makes you feel, eating out for most is a nice treat..

If you have children I hope you don't invalidate their feelings like you just invalidated OP's.

So if you ever feel sad, angry, upset, disrespected - that’s all self-inflicted is it???

The OP’s point wasn’t about it being or not being a gluten free kitchen, or the risk of cross-contamination. As a coeliac that’s a risk we have to live with. The point was about the fact they asked her to sign a waiver to say that if they glutened her (which could make her extremely ill), it would be a shoulder-shrug on their part and they would have no responsibility in the situation. And it was a salad for goodness sake. We don’t need a waiver to understand the risks and the impact of that - it’s just ridiculous. No one understands the risks more than someone with serious allergies, intolerances and coeliac disease (autoimmune disease).

I agree. And I’m surprised the OP hasn’t come across it before. I have family members with shellfish and peanut allergies and it is just a standard thing. Annoying, but not humiliating and applicable to other groups of diners too.

The scarier aspect of this, is why OP hasn’t been asked to complete a form previously. Unfortunately, that’s because lots of cafes didn’t used to consider cross contamination and so the OP was at greater risk. The legislation has been updated, and so businesses have improved their processes, but where they have identified that they are not able to eliminate contamination they are making customers aware.

If you’re coeliac, immediately after eating gluten some people have extreme reactions and are ill for days or weeks. Even if you’re one of the coeliacs that don’t have an immediate reaction like that, eating gluten causes a whole load of long term effects like stomach cancer, osteoporosis, ataxia, malnutrition and infertility to name a few - it’s not taken seriously enough.

This.

There are very few places, especially smaller cafes and coffee shops, than can guarantee no cross-contamination.

I work part time in a coffee shop. We have a 5 star food hygiene cert. The food prep area is small, and we use the same milk steamer for all milks, wiped down between servings. Even with all reasonable care, we cannot guarantee that food/drinks are 100% free of allergens. If a customer says they have a dietary requirement or allergy, we will explain that there is always a risk of cross contamination - because there always is, no matter how careful we are.

We don't ask the customers to sign anything, but I can see why some cafes might. It protects the cafe from the customer saying that they weren't told of the risks, but it also protects the customer from being served a product that could cause them to be very ill, or kill them. Sometimes when you are verbally explaining, you can see the customer just nodding and saying it will be fine, without really listening to what you saying.

At least in that case you would be justified in calling it a humiliating experience, even if it was you who humiliated yourself.

So why single out one individual for the clipboard treatment? It would be enough to post a notice that diners eat at their own risk on the menus or on the entrance door.

This doesn’t protect her at all. The kitchen could be sloppy with their food prep as it “doesn’t matter” as the customer eats at their own risk. I think this makes customers less protected.

They are choosing to be chefs in a world where people have serious food allergies. They need to find a way to not kill their customers.

I live in the US, where people are not shy about lawyering up. I've never once witnessed a clipboard incident in a restaurant or cafe. Wait staff are always happy to answer questions from diners about allergens in dishes. Menus sometimes come with allergy warnings.

There are many ways cafes and restaurants can deal with allergies and intolerances. The in your face, aggressive, clipboard and signed waiver approach is neither necessary nor appropriate.

My husband is a coeliac
We've had the folder of doom to scroll through
The "we cant guarantee no cross contamination" talk
Not had to sign anything yet but he'd just do it whilst thinking they were being rather silly
I dont think people will have been staring at you because you'd been given a piece of paper to read and sign unless you or some of your party were making a fuss over it
Move on from it and don't go back there if you disagree with their approach

I would imagine it's due to cross contamination and it can be air borne. They won't have a separate oven and flour can definitely be 'in the air' if they bake on site

I have a sesame allergy. I ate in Wagamamas recently. The manager came out. I had to sign a form on an ipad, I had a sticker put on the table In front of me, another on my menu and another on my plate when it arrived. It never occurred to me to feel humiliated, it showed they were taking it seriously.

This was my experience. I'd explained that I had an allergy to cheese. The manager took my order and explained they can't take responsibility if there's a tiny bit of cheese, contamination, etc Nothing to sign.

I have a non celiac gluten allergy. No way would I sign that. Not even sure it would be legal if they’d sent me into an anaphylactic shock with careless cross contamination!

Wagamama is the only place I feel safe eating as a coeliac. I hate doing the speech, but they do take it seriously.

Meh, if its true just sign it.