Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to not provide cake at DC’s party?

105 replies

DeliciousWorm · 21/03/2025 12:34

Feeling a bit nervous about this, but here goes… DC (turning 6) is having a small birthday party at home with a few school friends. We’re doing a couple of activities, pass the parcel, and I’ll be providing plenty of party food sandwiches, crisps, fruit, etc. However, I wasn’t planning to do a birthday cake.

I know it’s traditional, but DC isn’t that fussed about cake and never eats it when we go to other parties. I also hate the faff of cutting it up and dealing with the mess, plus I always feel a bit grim when the whole party coughs over it before blowing out the candles. I was thinking of just doing cupcakes or even sending the kids home with a small bag of sweets instead.

DH thinks this is a faux pas and that people will judge. I just think it’s unnecessary waste and hassle! WIBU? Does anyone actually care about the cake, or is it just one of those things we all do out of obligation?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/03/2025 14:44

DeliciousWorm · 21/03/2025 12:34

Feeling a bit nervous about this, but here goes… DC (turning 6) is having a small birthday party at home with a few school friends. We’re doing a couple of activities, pass the parcel, and I’ll be providing plenty of party food sandwiches, crisps, fruit, etc. However, I wasn’t planning to do a birthday cake.

I know it’s traditional, but DC isn’t that fussed about cake and never eats it when we go to other parties. I also hate the faff of cutting it up and dealing with the mess, plus I always feel a bit grim when the whole party coughs over it before blowing out the candles. I was thinking of just doing cupcakes or even sending the kids home with a small bag of sweets instead.

DH thinks this is a faux pas and that people will judge. I just think it’s unnecessary waste and hassle! WIBU? Does anyone actually care about the cake, or is it just one of those things we all do out of obligation?

You could always do cupcakes as an alternative

Would your DD eat one of those?

No cutting, no faffing

Barleysugar86 · 21/03/2025 14:46

Cupcakes are fine! Of course you can still put candles into cupcakes. We have done this when we had an outdoor party for DC and needed something easy to transport and share without a proper kitchen.

Onlyvisiting · 21/03/2025 14:47

If no cake I think you need an alternative dessert to be eaten at the time. Not just savoury party snacks then a bag of sweets to take home.
Have you asked your DS? As just because he doesn't EAT the cake (but also- bought cakes are often pretty bleugh. If he likes cupcakes there must be a kind of cake he'll would enjoy) but would he not miss the whole make a wish/blowing of the candles ceremony?

ArtyFartyHippopotamus · 21/03/2025 14:49

Cup cakes will be fine. They are also far more hygienic than someone blowing out candles on a cake that everyone is going to share.

TheCourseOfTheRiverChanged · 21/03/2025 14:50

I did jelly cups for LO's last birthday. A few candles in his jelly cup that he blew out after everyone sang happy birthday. Kids were all very happy with their jelly and chocolate frog, noone mentioned cake and it's never even occurred to me that someone might have thought there should be a cake involved somewhere.

Rivertrudge · 21/03/2025 14:50

I would at least do cupcakes. Your DC may not care either way about cake but most children love cake with icing and look forward to it.

pizzaHeart · 21/03/2025 14:51

Cupcakes with candles for DC and a cupcake to each child. No mess no hassle and very simple.
You would be judged without cake or cupcakes. ( and rightly too)
It’s ceremonial it’s a logical end and it’s expected treat.

ilovesushi · 21/03/2025 14:55

It's not a kids birthday party without cake and candles.

Starfishfriend · 21/03/2025 14:57

Everyone noticed by the way. I text the parents I knew after and thankfully, the ones who I knew already knew I am a dick and the ones I didn’t know, discovered it that day. Highly embarrassing but my 4 year old didn’t notice

This and the comments here are so enlightening. If I didn’t do cake I’d have said oops! Then not thought about it again, can’t imagine txting people or thinking it was embarrassing. I’m not judging this poster because I’ve been to parties where they’re stressed about the cake and now I know why I suppose! What a shame it’s another thing to worry about other parents judging you on.
I’ve always thought a spit covered, cut up and stuck to a napkin bit of cake was a bit gross, even as a kid, so maybe that’s why I’ve never minded if people didn’t do the cake. I think your plan to do cupcakes is absolutely fine if your dc is happy with that.

MsBucket · 21/03/2025 14:57

You could have one large cupcake topped with a number 6 candle for your child and then have individual cupcake boxes for each child to take home. There can be brownies as part of the buffet provided if you really want to serve cake or something sweet at a party. That way you’re not having to deal with the faff of cutting the cake and whoever wants to have cake, can have some at the party and they get to take something home with them.

Holiday24 · 21/03/2025 14:59

Cupcakes are definitely fine! We've been to loads of parties with cupcakes instead of a big cake.

TumbledTussocks · 21/03/2025 15:00

Cupcakes are fine but that’s not ‘no cake’
buy Something LO does like to stick a candle in though.

SpryUmberZebra · 21/03/2025 15:02

I don’t think it’s an issue, I did that a few years ago for my daughter, I got individual cup cakes from Bundt and I remember one of the girls coming to me towards the end and asked is the party over? We didn’t cut any cake 😂I said there’s a cake in your party pack and she said but it’s not the same 😅

Everyone else was fine.

i decided on the cupcakes because she took her friends to a Kidz Bop concert so it didn’t make any sense taking and cutting a cake and we didn’t want to come all the way back home just for cake.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/03/2025 15:03

I am baffled, bewildered and confused at the concept of cutting a cake into pieces being such a trial and leaving such a devastating mess?

It's cake. You're not butchering a bloody cow! It's some butter cream and crumbs.

Do cupcakes if cutting cake is such an ordeal but birthdays = cake, and handing out squishy bits of cake or cupcakes is a part of the 'now piss off to your own homes, party is finshed' routine.

What would you stick candles in and sing happy birthday round if there's no cake?

chaosmaker · 21/03/2025 15:06

@DeliciousWorm I was in M&S yesterday and they have individual squares of chocolate covered cake that has Happy Birthday written on it. Might be worth a look. You are under no obligation to provide a cake though if your own child isn't fussed

Mydogisamassivetwat · 21/03/2025 15:06

Starfishfriend · 21/03/2025 14:57

Everyone noticed by the way. I text the parents I knew after and thankfully, the ones who I knew already knew I am a dick and the ones I didn’t know, discovered it that day. Highly embarrassing but my 4 year old didn’t notice

This and the comments here are so enlightening. If I didn’t do cake I’d have said oops! Then not thought about it again, can’t imagine txting people or thinking it was embarrassing. I’m not judging this poster because I’ve been to parties where they’re stressed about the cake and now I know why I suppose! What a shame it’s another thing to worry about other parents judging you on.
I’ve always thought a spit covered, cut up and stuck to a napkin bit of cake was a bit gross, even as a kid, so maybe that’s why I’ve never minded if people didn’t do the cake. I think your plan to do cupcakes is absolutely fine if your dc is happy with that.

I text a couple of my friends who were there, like “omg, I forgot the fucking cake!” that’s all and they laughed at me.

Then when they went back to school (dd has an aug birthday), a few of the other parents who were there who I only knew to say hi to made comments about it or that their kids had been upset that we didn’t sing happy birthday.

We had an facepainter who turned up stinking of booze and had to leave and a princess Elsa who couldn’t fucking sing, it was stressful 😂

MySweetGeorgina · 21/03/2025 15:09

Cupcake is the answer! It is cake without the mess of cutting

stick them on a big plate with some candles in and sing Happy Birthday

Username9898 · 21/03/2025 15:16

Do cupcakes. We stuck a candle in one for DS to blow out while we sang. Then everyone got to take one home. No mess, no fuss.

LazyArsedMagician · 21/03/2025 15:18

I think you need to consider here if your child has never had a birthday party, or been to many, they might not have had the opportunity to "feel fussed" about cake. Don't you think they might enjoy having Happy Birthday sung to them and then blowing out the candles? Don't you think you might enjoy looking back at those photos when they're older?

Do you have to do it? Of course not. But honestly I think for the sake of buying one from Tesco for a tenner and getting some photos to share, you're being a bit pathetic. It's a cake not a cow needing butchering. And I'm sorry to say, you're far likely to have sandwiches and any other food opened at home squashed into carpets than you are to have a huge mess from cake taken home in a party bag!

Whoarethoseguys · 21/03/2025 15:21

I think blowing out the candles and everyone singing happy birthday is an important part of a birthday party for a small child. If you can think of some way of doing that without a birthday cake you are not being unreasonable.
But if you don't plan to have the blowing out the candles and the singing in think you are being unreasonable

Bettyboop2530 · 21/03/2025 15:31

I did cake for my son's 1st and 2nd birthday and alot of it went in the bin - it was a lovely cake but too much for us and it was £60!
I know have a huge personalised cookie made which went down well for his 3rd birthday and my second son's 1st birthday, and it only costs £25.
This year I'm having some little Shrek cupcakes too for his birthday tea 😊

pinkpanther84 · 21/03/2025 15:34

I would just buy some cupcakes

Riversof0tter5 · 21/03/2025 15:41

Maybe I need to rethink my entire childhood relationship to fire ceremonies

OolongTeaDrinker · 21/03/2025 17:48

My eldest went to a 6th party with no cake a couple of years ago. He and his friends still talk about the party with no cake!!

MsBucket · 21/03/2025 19:24

Mydogisamassivetwat · 21/03/2025 15:06

I text a couple of my friends who were there, like “omg, I forgot the fucking cake!” that’s all and they laughed at me.

Then when they went back to school (dd has an aug birthday), a few of the other parents who were there who I only knew to say hi to made comments about it or that their kids had been upset that we didn’t sing happy birthday.

We had an facepainter who turned up stinking of booze and had to leave and a princess Elsa who couldn’t fucking sing, it was stressful 😂

Show quote history

@Mydogisamassivetwat That sounds like a rather stressful day so I’m not surprised the cake was forgotten. But at least you can laugh about it later 😋.

Swipe left for the next trending thread