WIBU to not provide cake at DC’s party?

[DeliciousWorm]

Feeling a bit nervous about this, but here goes… DC (turning 6) is having a small birthday party at home with a few school friends. We’re doing a couple of activities, pass the parcel, and I’ll be providing plenty of party food sandwiches, crisps, fruit, etc. However, I wasn’t planning to do a birthday cake.

I know it’s traditional, but DC isn’t that fussed about cake and never eats it when we go to other parties. I also hate the faff of cutting it up and dealing with the mess, plus I always feel a bit grim when the whole party coughs over it before blowing out the candles. I was thinking of just doing cupcakes or even sending the kids home with a small bag of sweets instead.

DH thinks this is a faux pas and that people will judge. I just think it’s unnecessary waste and hassle! WIBU? Does anyone actually care about the cake, or is it just one of those things we all do out of obligation?

Well, I bake for a living and totally forgot to make a cake for dd last week! The guests didn't seem to care, and luckily my dm had done her one earlier in the week so dd wasn't fussed either...

I'd go with cupcakes, one candle in one cupcake to blow out maybe?

I don't think the party would ever end if you didn't have cake. You sing happy birthday, cut it up and shove it in a bag to hand to them as they walk out the door. As a parent I'd be hanging around until that happened as it's usually the polite way of saying "ok we are done- everyone leave now".

I never did cake. Always did cupcakes - they were made by a local place that did fancy-ish cupcakes and they would make one up as the 'Birthday' cupcake with a candle and some other decoration. As there were a wide range of flavours, everyone seemed very happy. Though tbh if I'd ever found out anyone had had a tantrum over not having cake, I'd have been more likely to never do one, not less. And never invite them again obviously.

Cup Cakes are a great idea.
I found cutting and wrapping 15 + pieces of cake to shove into party bags at the end of the party so stressful with all the clamouring from kids and parents for various things, looking in the party bags and wanting to swap with someone else because they wanted a blue gift, not a yellow one or insisting on having a particular bit of cake decoration etc... whilst OH gazed into space and pondered the deeper meaning of life, when the venue wanted us to clear out quick for the next lot.

So I started to pre cut and wrap a second cake at home - so all the party bags ready to hand out without any botherations. The family always wanted to enjoy the other cake at home anyway and it kept the birthday going a bit for the birthday child, and the cake was always special to them.

What will you all stand around when you sing happy birthday if there is no cake.
Supermarkets are full of amazing options it takes zero effort these days, all the character cakes, they have cupcakes. I've seen people do stacks of doughnuts if their friends like doughnuts, even vienetta have a birthday cake one now.

Children have been blowing out candles on birthday cakes since goodness knows when, worrying about the germs is overkill. Have you seen how close primary children get to one another and how often then put fingers in their mouths and touch things at school. The birthday cake or whatever you have won't harm anyone!

I think this is a terrible idea. Here is a lovely birthday cake, let's all sing happy birthday but sorry you won't be getting any as it's just for show.

I don't see how cutting up a cake is such a big deal or faff. You don't need an expensive cake either, supermarket one or even home made is fine. I suspect most kids will be very disappointed if there is no cake to take home.

What about donuts?

My child isn't keen on cake (we have done cake as traditional) but I've also stacked iced ring donuts - you can buy 12 in Sainsbury's for a reasonable price. Then each child takes a donut home. My child eats donuts but not cake!

Since covid we always use a balloon pump to blow candles out. It's just stuck. If your child doesn't eat cake just have cupcakes or a pinata. I don't do party bags anymore I just give homemade cupcakes in the theme of party. It's so much easier and don't feel the waste or cost.

I would say yabu but you're sending them home with a cupcake! Winner.

I don’t think it’s about the cake, it’s ceremonial. Cupcakes would be okay for me but no cake is not

Box of Krispy Kremes? Pile them up and put candles in the top one. Yu could add sprinkles for extra festive-mess. They will certainly travel home much better than cake.

Your husband needs to sort himself out if he worries about people judging him for the quality of your children's parties.

Not that having cupcakes instead of a big cake is even a problem.

Can’t you get a cheap £2 Victoria sponge for the purpose of blowing out the candles? And then some cupcakes to hand out? I find it sad not to have a cake to do the whole “singing, blow out candles”

I tried it once with a tray of cupcakes and it was FAFF.

No cake?

No fucking cake? 😱😱😱

If the birthday child is not bothered, why should anyone else be? I assume you will be serving something sweet- you could put candles in a bowl of ice cream or on a jelly.

I think an individual cup cake or fairy cake is fine.

I also hate the faff of cutting it up and dealing with the mess, plus I always feel a bit grim when the whole party coughs over it before blowing out the candles.

YANBU to provide cupcakes instead but this ^ is weird. How it cutting up a cake a faff or messy? What are you using to cut it, a shotgun? And why are people coughing on the cake?

Doesn’t have to be cake. Could be a doughnut tower or brownies or macaroons or ice cream sundaes, cookies or profiteroles ( can you tell my kid hates cake?!?? )

but does need to have candles and shared with friends to celebrate!

Indeed!
A candle on a cupcake and happy bday song would work though!

I don't think everyone is reading your post fully. If you are handing out cupcakes then absolutely no need for another cake as well, I think cupcakes have become more common because they are easier to give out.
I would think about how you will sing happy birthday and light a candle so maybe just keep one cupcake back for this or just buy a general cake (not a birthday cake) to use for this purpose.

Cupcakes sounds like a great compromise.

Another idea though - does DC like cookies? We've done giant "cookie cakes" a few times because both DD and I vastly prefer them over actual cake. Can still do the candles thing then too.

Cupcakes are fine. A kids party with no cake or cake alternative would be very odd.

During covid, but when meeting was allowed, I put a candle in a mars bar for ds to blow out, instead of breathing all over a cake. Then cut up the cake for kids to take home.

I wasn't a great cake eater as a child but was 100% there for the fire ceremony.

If I went to a birthday party without a cake and candles as a child, I'd not have complained but would have felt it was 'not real' in a way I couldn't articulate but would remember for a v e r y long time.

If your child isn't fussed about cake, just get a caterpillar cake and do the whole singing happy birthday/candles thing, chop the cake up, wrap in a napkin and bung it in the party bags! The whole thing takes 5 minutes and is hardly a big mess or a fuss 🙄 it's not a birthday party without the singing and cake and the kids will expect that at the end of the party!

My daughter would notice if there wasn’t cake and candles at a birthday party and would be a bit disappointed. But it’s your sons birthday so do what he’s like… but I would put a candle on them and let them sing happy birthday.