To worry my DD8 might be too attached to her cuddly toys??

[RedFish1]

DD is going on a school trip soon. She has two cuddly toys she has slept with since she was 6 months old and we have made a decision a few months ago, that it might be best for those cuddly toys to stay at home. DD has been practicing sleeping with other cuddly toys but tonight she got embarrassed and after some convincing, told me that she worries about making her cuddly toys feel sad and she feels bad to leave her favourite ones on the floor. I think the reason she was embarrassed is because obviously she knows they don’t have real feelings. She is a really sensitive and caring little girl. She never wants to make anyone sad, so I suppose this explains why she’s feeling guilty to not have them with her at night.

We have made an agreement that I will take care of them at night whilst she practices going to sleep with other cuddly toys. That way, she doesn’t have to see them so hopefully won’t feel so guilty.

Im just a little worried that this is too strong an attachment. This is new to me as my eldest didn’t have a cuddly toy she depended on and I’d really appreciate some advice. Thanks.

I was away with work for a night this week and took a teddy. I did worry a bit that the one I left behind would feel left out but he had DH there to look after him 😂

8 is still so young - I wouldn’t give it another thought. Dd was still taking Little Ted everywhere even as a student - inc. the months she spent in Russia, which included a very hairy horseback trip in the wilds of Siberia! She still has Little Ted decades later.

My DC goes to scouts and at the sleepovers a teddy is mandatory on the kit list.

This is to stop embarrassment for the ones that still need a teddy.

I'm 47 audhd, and still attached to my teddies! If there were a house fire, I'd try to save them!

for very good reason as those of us who’ve had lost favourite disasters or near misses have explained. The child is in agreement with her favourite staying safely at home. It’s just a question of whether the attachment is normal (to which obviously, yes) and how to navigate it. The OPs solution of top Ted having a sleepover with her rather than languishing on the floor is good.

OP, your DD sounds as if she's got a rich inner life and her teddies are included in it. Her anxieties and yours, that her favourites might get lost on the school trip aren't unreasonable and the suggestion that you get her an Outward Bound Bear, dedicated to travel is a good one. In the unfortunate event that OBB is lost enroute, you (or your DD) can have a scenario that he or she was tempted away by independent travel, hit the hippy trail etc. It would be a natural part of the character arc for OBB, whereas Top Tier Bear would be a distressing loss.

Thank you so much for the very helpful replies. I honestly think some posters don’t quite understand just how special her two favourites are to her. She was a thumb sucker as a baby, but would only suck her thumb when she had the cuddly toys in her arms. Without those, she couldn’t put her thumb near her mouth. They were an enormous part of her comfort every day as a new born. I literally couldn’t have cuddled her to sleep without them. Sometimes I questioned who she was more attached to, me or the soft toys! 😂

She is older now and no longer sucks her thumb, so she only has them in bed at night, or when she’s cuddled up on the sofa in the evening. But they are there, every day. She knows how precious they are to her and so having an alternative for travel is really important. We actually started working on that back in summer. So there is another cuddly toy now who has a whole personality and he sleeps in her room every night and “takes care of her”. This narrative was built with the school residential in mind, as she had expressed her eagerness to leave her favourite two at home.

I lost my favourite cuddly toy when I was 4, and it was actually quite traumatic. And I wasn’t as attached to mine as she is to hers.

I am just trying to support her as best I can.

It is very reassuring to hear that her attachment is perfectly normal. I just wasn’t sure when she was talking about how she was worried about their feelings. But it sounds like it’s just her lovely, gentle nature and great imagination at play. ❤️

Gosh - my 13 year old GS loves cuddly toys - he has lots of them and still unashamedly asks for one for birthday and Christmas!

I am widowed and, thinking about it, I wouldn't mind one! 😀

But it sounds like it’s just her lovely, gentle nature and great imagination at play. - exactly - and to be encouraged as an antidote to fronted adverbials and the like!!

When I was sent away to school at the age of 10, my mother threw out my cuddly toys and I never forgot it. There was one in particular, a rabbit, that I adored. To me it had a personality and it looked after me so losing it was a real wrench. Only in my 60s did I set out to find a replacement and I did find one, which now sits next to my side of the bed with some of its new rabbit siblings.

The poet John Betjeman was so attached to his bear, Archibald Ormsby-Gore, that he loved all its fur off and he held it in his arms as he died at the age of 77.

Two late elderly friends were buried with their teddies, just sayin'...

My dd was the same about cuddly toys being on the floor until she was easily at high school. Quite normal I'd say.

so sorry your mum threw out the toys - that was cruel.

cuddlies are important and should be cherished. I'm glad you've found some new ones.

I'd make a special bed up for her favourite cuddly toys that she does not want to lose. Put them in a safe place in her room where no one will touch them. Take a photo and give to her. Take another cuddly toy with her on trip and put photo of favourites under pillow and then tell them all about her trip when she gets back. Problem solved. I'm 70!

I agree, it was cruel and I never forgot my toys.

The replacement is an old Steiff rabbit, maybe from the 1960s, and almost the same. A very fine and proud looking rabbit.

Our DD is 40 and until she was 16 'brown ted' slept in the bed with her.
BT was then relegated to the bedside cabinet. It's still there now and she
takes it on holiday. She is a mother of 3 teenagers.
BT was a gift from her brother when she was born 11 weeks prem.
Was put in the incubator. DD says it's the feeling of love she has.

If it gives your DD comfort that's all that matters.

Taking something less irreplaceable is a good idea. We had "Camp Teddy" and he went to cub camp, scout camp, and school overnighters for quite a few years. He was a bit smaller and more packable than the normal teddies and had a name tape (son's name, not teddy's name) sewed to his wrist!

I'm 44 and still attached to my soft toys, Been having a few low days recently and cuddling them has give me reassurance.

Proven that cuddling soft toys is a good thing https://slumberkins.com/blogs/slumberkins-blog/adults-with-stuffed-animals-psychology?srsltid=AfmBOoqdwBGN0O8hg5UDiAZR0v4o11FG2SIlMU76QeX5IcCTgnWKPjb

My DM has cuddled soft toys when recovering from surgery. She still has her teddy from the age of 18 months - he's now 74!

It’s so normal! I’m 37 and still have my Teddy from my childhood, he’s a big comfort. My daughters are only small but they both have their special teddies they take to bed/wverywhere else

I'm 52 and I still consider my toy mouse's feelings, even though I know he's made of fabric. Sometimes I take him on holiday and sometimes I don't, but then I tell him it's because mice aren't allowed in that hotel and I really need him to stay at home and look after my house. I don't see what harm this does.

Perhaps she can tell her favourites that they aren't allowed on the trip because they need to be safe at home looking after her bed for her, and that while she's practicing, perhaps they can practice being apart too so that they're not upset when it happens.

My mouse also likes to travel with a view. If he's in the car he has a travelling pouch over the headrest of the passenger seat so he can see out. If he has to go in a bag for say, airport security, I make sure he's comfy and not squashed and not face down, and tell him to pretend to be a toy for a few minutes while we do whatever it is. He and my mum's bear are besties and travel like this together.

I am 44 and still worry about hurting their feelings if I only choose one to come on holiday with us. I am in every other respect a (fairly) normal adult!

I think this is a great idea 😀perhaps photos of them having fun !!

A little girl who wants her comforter, leave her be x

It's sensible to send a comforting but less attached cuddly in case it gets lost.

DS lost a small, white toy that got bundled up in a hotel bedding change when he was 9 and was gutted, and still upset a month later. Fortunately he'd bought it on a trip a few months earlier and could be replaced. His most loyal favourite is harder to lose, but less portable.

My 14yo is still very close and loyal to his cuddlies. I've got a lot of family and friends who've kept their special attachments well into adulthood.

My favourites are not well travelled because of the risk of loss or damage. I found someone on Etsy that makes replicas a few years ago. I still take away something to cuddle, but my favourites have stayed at home for about 30 years.

Keeping the cuddlies safe, comfortable, and looked after is a good idea. It's reassuring to know that they're happy at home 😉

I might be known to drive around with my teenager's cuddly while he's at school and greet him as I get in and out of the car through the day