To worry my DD8 might be too attached to her cuddly toys??

[RedFish1]

DD is going on a school trip soon. She has two cuddly toys she has slept with since she was 6 months old and we have made a decision a few months ago, that it might be best for those cuddly toys to stay at home. DD has been practicing sleeping with other cuddly toys but tonight she got embarrassed and after some convincing, told me that she worries about making her cuddly toys feel sad and she feels bad to leave her favourite ones on the floor. I think the reason she was embarrassed is because obviously she knows they don’t have real feelings. She is a really sensitive and caring little girl. She never wants to make anyone sad, so I suppose this explains why she’s feeling guilty to not have them with her at night.

We have made an agreement that I will take care of them at night whilst she practices going to sleep with other cuddly toys. That way, she doesn’t have to see them so hopefully won’t feel so guilty.

Im just a little worried that this is too strong an attachment. This is new to me as my eldest didn’t have a cuddly toy she depended on and I’d really appreciate some advice. Thanks.

My daughter is 17 and still sleeps with her favourite cuddly toy. She is off to uni in September and said cuddly toy is going too. She will not leave him behind!

Totally normal for this age. I suggest having all the cuddles in bed with her for now, then the favourites can stay tucked up safe in her bed waiting for her, and the others can go with her. I’m sure the teddies would all enjoy a bit sleepover together in your DDs bed. At that age my youngest sometimes slept under a giant pile of teddies.

I’m nearing 50 and have a well travelled cuddly toy who I sleep with every night. She replaced my fav bear who I had since childhood but was threadbare and now has a bed on the side!

the only place I don’t take my bear is to festivals (just in. Add) but have a festival bear for that!!!

i totally understand the concern about loss and having an alternative and pics is such a good idea!

It sounds like your offer of looking after them when your daughter is away is a good idea - it keeps them safe and lets her know they're being looked after. Could they have 'sleepovers' in your bed before she goes? It's good that she's trying with another two, but clearly favours the two she's leaving behind for safety - and that's perfectly normal. I used to line mine up next to me on my pillow (with hardly any room left for me) and still remember meticulously arranging them 30+ years on. One got lost somewhere years ago, and it was my absolute favorite. I've recently replaced it (at great expense) as even as a professional woman in my forties with four children of my own, I still found myself thinking of it. It's now happily installed on my bedside table. It's only small, but I feel very content having it there. Let your child be a child. I don't think any of us fully grow up anyway (in my opinion).

My daughters both took their favourite cuddly toy off to university with them. They came back and they still sleep with them.

Your daughter is absolutely fine and normal.

My 43 year old husband still sleeps with his teddy bear!

It’s fine to want to cuddle her toys in bed, but it would be best if the most precious ones stay at home and guard her bed, so they don’t go missing.

My mum and grandparents went Christmas shopping one year and bought me an enormous cuddly toy. The guy in the shop wrapped the toy in a bin bag to keep the rain off and handed it to my grandad. Grandad then tore a hole in the top of the bag and freed the toy's face "so it could breathe".

He was a highly intelligent and skilled man who navigated adult life better than most. He was just incredibly caring and not a little quirky! I love him dearly.

Your daughter is fine. She just has a beautiful imagination!

My 18 year old’s favourite childhood teddies came to Majorca last year! She sleeps with them every night. She is in 6th form, uni in September and a young leader at brownies. She is a little young for her age as profoundly deaf but loads of her friends have teddies too - I know I had them on my bed till I was about 25 😂 I hope she has a lovely time

Hopefully you're getting the message loud and clear, OP, that re your original question of whether it is too strong an attachment, no it's very common. For lots of people it's completely fine. The problem, arguably, is her wish to leave them at home. It's nice that you are supporting her with it I suppose but I would also be saying if it's too hard just take them, and if they do go missing (which is extremely unlikely in the grand scheme of things) we will deal with it together. Don't unintentionally feed the fear that loss of them would be catastrophic.

Could she perhaps take just one of them? Wrap one in a muslin, or dress it in dolls' clothes, then take the muslin, or put the clothes on another toy? Even (whisper it) cut a little scrap off the label and sew it onto another toy.

It seems a bit sad to me for her to definitely deprived herself of these toys for so many nights ("practising" plus on her trip) just to avoid a small chance that she might lose them. Mine went to uni with me - I was a boarder from very young and it was completely normal for people to have them, so it never occurred to me not to bring them. My 16 year old has 3 that have come on every single trip he's ever been on. One once got posted back from a Welsh hotel with a beautiful note.

I'm 41, and a (reasonably) sensible, well-adjusted adult.
Pinky (a now verrrry flat, un-fluffy rabbit), has been with me since 1983. He has survived almost 20 house moves, I cuddle him in bed every night and he'd honestly be the first thing I'd think to save in a fire.
And... my mum adores him. He holds such memories for her of childhood and innocence and honestly, it's so sweet. There's enough badness in this world and your daughter won't always want to be so publicly demonstrative of her love for these special toys... She sounds a sweet, lovely child, let her do what makes her happy 🩷

Ah that’s very sweet. My youngest is 11 and is very attached still to the 15 teddies on his bed. When he was younger and only had a few he would bring them all on holiday or to his friends for a sleepover. Eventually he had so many I would say you can only bring a couple and he then wouldn’t bring any as the other teddies would be sad. 😢
Now at nearly 12 the teddies are all still on the bed. I have a feeling he’s going to demote them to the top of the wardrobe soon. Will make bed making easier for me!

What you should have done was buy at least 5 of each (ever so slightly different features) and have entire back stories and family trees created. So Ted’s great aunt Hilda is going with her rather than Ted. They are much easier to replace if they go missing than the hallowed Ted.

Do we have the OG bear and a plethora of his family in our house? Damn right. 😅

Dd is in secondary school and all the girls still take their teddies on school trips. My dd and her friends have sleepovers and always bring their teddy. They are 12 and 13. It’s quite a normal thing and no one even mentions it.
Im in my 30s and still have my two teddies I got when I was born on my bed. I don’t take them on holiday because they are too precious but I would if I wasn’t worried about losing them. As I say dd still sleeps with hers every night. It’s ok to have a favourite teddy all through life. As long as they are not so attached they need to carry it around every minute and that’s only because it would be distracting and get lost. Many dc in my children’s primary school bring teddies to cuddle in class.

Ah sorry didn’t see your updates re them getting lost. That’s fair enough. I totally understand, I speak from experience of having to buy a replacement favourite teddy and throw it around the garden to make it look as loved as the original. I wonder what my neighbours thought

Having seen your update I think I misunderstood your post. Apologies. So while in a way yes it’s reassuring that other children still sleep with their teddies, both mine have lost special teddies on trips abroad while in senior school and it was pretty traumatic. One, Bunny, lost forever in a hotel in Austria. And two others, Raffy and Little Bear, recovered after two months and more emails than I care to remember, from a campervan in France.
She’s obviously very caring and it’s lovely that she doesn’t want to make them sad. But she would be even sadder if she didn’t have them to come home to. Taking a photo of them on the trip is a great idea.

I’m 40 and sleep with a cuddly…

My DS is 8, he would take an entire suitcase of soft toys on holiday if he could. He doesn't have a favourite and often cries on the way to the airport because he feels sad about the many that he left behind. Last night he asked me to pass him the few that had fallen out of his bed onto the floor because he felt sad for them. Some kids have big feelings, it's fine, it's who they are. I am helping him navigate the extremes he feels but it's just the way he is.

This has given me horrible flashbacks to when I was 18 (yes, 18) and took my childhood Teddy on holiday with my so called friends.

I came back from the shower to find poor Teddy hung by the neck dangling from the light fitting. 😩😱🧸

DD is quite right to take different toys. Just support her in managing this as she sees fit.

I am nearly sixty and still sleep with a bear.

Quite right - we have bears whose main job in life is to go on holiday. The consequences of losing the main bears is just too awful. The kids - even when small - managed just fine. DD is 15 and off on a residential today. I expect Florence will be going.

Don't worry about this at all. My son was very attached at this age and would take them everywhere, we had to have rules on now many. Then it just stopped overnight and totally lost interest. It's just a phase and she's only 8.

My DD is 11 and has a favourite cuddly. She tells him her anxieties, and when she’s REALLY worried, she chews his ear. Literally.
She obviously knows he’s not real, but still says that he’d feel sad if she left him behind etc. I think it sounds completely normal, especially at 8.
If you’re worried about the school trip, both of my DC took teddies on residentials, as did 90% of their class mates. Like a PP, a teddy was always on schools list.
Although my DD probably wouldn’t take her favourite as she’s terrified of losing him

My DCs primary school was brilliant. Not only were favourite cuddlies encouraged, they were photographed, recorded and had a daily check to make sure they hadn't got lost. It was lovely to see the supposedly grown up and sometimes tough Y6s getting on the coach with a battered old toy clutched in their hands.

DS took his favourite bear to university, keeping him hidden away. He then discovered that everyone else on his landing had done the same. They had a little party for them one afternoon.

I sleep with a little cuddly toy called George. I am 40. You're welcome 😊

Because if she loses it while she’s away it’s a tragedy! My dd had a couple of near misses when she used to take her favourite dog everywhere - disaster averted by an observant and kind member of housekeeping at a Novotel when he ended up caught in the sheets for instance, who contacted guests with small children to figure out who he belonged to. DD decided that this dog should stay safely home in her bed guarding her room while another came on holidays with us.