Boyfriend keeps pushing my boundaries

[Hurricanejsms]

Bfs family is visiting and he keeps allowing them to come in my room unannounced. It’s my time of the month and I got blood on the sheets which they seen from him not telling them it’s off limits. So embarrassing. Everytime I try telling him it turns into an argument and he gets defensive and tells me about how bad I treat him and he tries so hard to please me. How am I in the wrong?

Duplicate post

Why don't you live by yourself?

Why don't you live by yourself?

It just happens sometimes- no matter what protection I use, on the heaviest day of my period when I'm moving about in my sleep i'll often leak a bit, plus sometimes it starts through the night- I imagine OP (and a lot of people) are the same.

To be honest if someone was doing this to me and I was on my period, I’d fly off the fucking handle.

Dump him.

Lock your door

I've not read the whole thread - but -

1 - leave him -it's rude behaviour and the thin end of the wedge

2- buy period pants - they save your sheets and contain leaks - a complete game changer :)

Yes, I’ve started to go through peri menopause and it gets worse before it’s over . I have to sleep with a towel under me. I don’t mark the bed though.

Consider some period pants. It’s trial and error because they can be like swimwear but they are great if you find one that suits.

I obviously meant paid work, so that she can afford to leave her shitty partner.

Why do you have blood on your sheets ? Surely you can control your bleeding with products.

You must be a man, surely.

I can change my pad 30 minutes prior and unexpectedly flood.

Also sometimes laying down and twisting the wrong way can cause a leak.

It doesn't happen all the time, maybe once or twice a year. But getting a little bit of blood on the sheet has happened regardless of whether I use tampons or pads and despite the fact that I change both regularly.

Also in your own home it is perfectly fine to do a couple of things before you get around to stripping the bed.

Your comment feels like it is blaming OP when it's actually just a sequence of events that wouldn't have been an issue if her in laws weren't rude people with no concept of social norms and her partner a spineless jerk.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Yawn.

Ok this is beyond weird!
Firstly coming in your room to spend time with you is creepy! Wouldn’t you all be downstairs together… not in your room?
Also, you got blood on your own bed sheets and his family commented on it? WTF! Firstly it’s completely natural and secondly no normal person would comment and embarrass you.

You need a proper chat!

Your BF is a tosser. Find someone else.

Why are they coming in your bedroom?

Massively odd behaviour.

It's a natural process. ....menses I mean.
Why should you be embarrassed?
In fact, I'd let them walk in and see all sorts of embarrassing things.
That way, they will stop themselves,...
Also if they're making comments about 'embarrassing' things, let your BF take the guilt of that....you just stay quiet and smile dumbly.
You sit back, continue to exhibit embarrassing stuff, and enjoy their discomfort. They will soon stop, when they notice it doesn't trigger you.
Like Gisele Pelicot said- The Shame is Not Ours, It's Theirs- so make the embarrassment theirs.
Good luck OP.

Boyfriend should be setting boundaries but you can also - calmly- remind them this is your home and for them not to enter your bedroom. If there are direct references to the blood remind them it’s normal bodily function for women.

reevaluate your boyfriend OP. But definitely no more family stay overs.

LTB

I clicked unreasonable as I don’t understand why you can’t tell them yourself.
Is it too hard to say if the door is shut please knock as I may be changing or need rest, quiet time or am working?
You’re not a sahm if you are still running business from home. Treat them like an annoying customer/employee & tell them!

This is a bad sign, boundaries are very much so necessary and if it can’t be respected it will only end in you being hurt even more. I know from experience and I tried off and on for 10 years and children are involved as well. I’d be done with him and his family.

This is who they are. None of them seem to have boundaries and they don’t care about yours

op if you stay with this man this will be your life forever

@Hurricanejsms you are definitely not being unreasonable.

The fact they are discussing your period stained bedsheets is no reflection on you, it’s their backwards thinking.

You are being shamed into thinking you are being unreasonable and you should be stripping the bed asap like it’s something wrong.

I’d be making sure they are put off visiting for a long time, time to leave a used tampon sitting around and a little period trail

If they can’t respect your basic human rights, then it’s time to give them a little taster of “period week” they will soon bugger off during your cycle xx

Your BF sees it as his house not yours.
Therefore his parents see it as his house not yours. It’s their tendency to think that you are some sort of add-on to their wonderful child. They don’t see you as adults.

Any normal person has been taught from a young age that you don’t go into private spaces in someone else’s house even if staying overnight and you only use the one bathroom allocated. But they see it as their house because their son owns it and therfore they can go where they like to talk to him.

They are really rude and ignorant OP, socially inept. So is your BF.
It’s quite shocking to read your story.
You are entitled to put them straight with something simple but direct like ….if you don’t mind, this is our private space and I’d appreciate it very much if you show respect and stick to your own bedroom and not come into ours again from now on thanks and please remember to use your own guest bathroom provided, no need to use ours at all. If there an emergency or you need something urgently, please knock and we will come straight out to help.

But the real problem lies with your BF’s attitude OP.
You either have to get it through to him that you are an equal partner with your own very normal preferences over privacy which he must take into consideration, or you must think about how you want to live your life without him.

By the way, you may be the one who does all the childcare but you are a working mum if you do all the admin for the company in which you are a shareholder. So don’t do yourself down. You have to learn to be more assertive and value yourself much more so that others respect you.

Very good post. Time to put that boundary in place op. Your children are observing how you’re being treated by their father and his family. It’s your job to ensure that they don’t think that’s normal. Being treated as a separate and equal adult would be my hill to die on otherwise his family can stay in a hotel next time.

Op, you said they made comments about the blood on the sheets. What did they say?

Apologies if you have already said. I haven’t rtft.