Child in DS class asking inappropriately

[WhatTimeIsIt007]

I really don’t know if I ABU here.

My DS (8) has recently told me about a boy in his class who has touched a girl in their class inappropriately. He said that the boy touched the girl up her sides and onto her chest, and the girl was telling him to stop. DS and the girl both told the teacher. DS has also told me that this boy has said he wanted to drink this girls milk and also that he had asked her to breastfeed him.
I’ve reached out to school, and they have told me that they are dealing with this, and covering consent etc in PSHE lessons.
I totally understand that at this age children will be more curious about relationships, but this just doesn’t sit well with me at all.

AIBU to push the school harder in relation to this particular child, or am I totally overreacting.

An 8yo absolutely knows this is wrong. I would be furious if I was the girls parents and would not let down until that boy is dealt with. I doubt school will tell you much though. Well done to your ds for telling the teacher.

The school have said they are dealing with it though…what else would you like them to do? Great that you have reported it.

Are they dealing with it in a separate way from genetic teaching about consent in lessons? Do you know what they are doing?

The school is aware and dealing with it. What exactly do you want to "push harder" on?

I’d push it, I’d want confirmation that her parents had been notified and I’d want to know what action had been taken. Absolutely vile behaviour and you have to wonder what’s going on at home.

Step back, let the school deal with it in the manner they and their safeguarding team think appropriate.
They will not - and should not - give you the full picture of how it’s been handled as it’s none of your business, however well meaning your concern.

I’d push it, I’d want confirmation that her parents had been notified and I’d want to know what action had been taken.

no! It’s nothing to do with you. Your child wasn’t involved. You don’t have any right to know the details of interventions with other people’s children.

You’ve done the right thing and have reported it. It’s up to school to now assess and report further as necessary. I don’t think you deserve to be privy to any more information about how this is being addressed with the children in question. What I would do though is use this as an opportunity to work with your son on boundaries and consent. The NSPCC has great resources. And encourage him to come to you and the school if anything else happens so you can also report that.

Thank you. And I’ve absolutely done that as you have suggested. We have a very close relationship and I believe that my son is very clued up on consent. I have also asked him to tell me if anything further happens.

I don’t know 100%, I asked my son and he said that in PSHE this week they were learning about healthy eating 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m worried about my son being exposed to this behaviour in school, but I totally understand that they should have procedures to deal with such things. I have asked my son to tell me about any further instances.

It could have happened to other children, it could happen to my child so yes I absolutely want reassurances to make sure my child would remain unaffected. I have the right to ensure my child’s safety.

I’d tell the girls mum, and tell ds I was proud of him helping a friend.

I think there are lots of things to be concerned about, but mostly the welfare of the boy.

I'm not sure what you want from the school, but if you don't trust them to be dealing with it, make a child protection referral yourself.

But you don't have the right to know how the school are interacting with another child or their parents. That child has rights as well that the school is required to respect. And those include not being discussed with a third party.

The school won’t tell you what action they’re taking specifically in relation to the other child. You are free to ask questions about ensuring your own child’s exposure and how they plan to continue discussions on consent with all of the children, but they can’t tell you details about the other kid. The boy still being in class tells you nothing. It’s absolutely a safeguarding issue, awful for the girl to be subject to, but I’d be raising eyebrows about the boy and what he’s being exposed to, too. It’s been raised appropriately. Not much else you can do other than keep open conversations with your own child and the school more generally about what they’re teaching and sharing with the kids.

That kid is either witnessing inappropriate behavior at home between adults, or has access to porn. Either way, its really an issue for SS.

Or is being abused. Which is definitely social services .

Behaviour like this in young children can be indicative of abuse. The school will be privy to any safeguarding issues for this child and any ss involvement etc. You have to trust they're taking it seriously and there are things going in that it wouldn't be right for you to know. You've done the right thing, they'll have told her parents so I'd leave it for now and keep communication open with your son.

I'm pretty sure that the school would be breaching all sorts of confidentiality rules if they told you any more than that appropriate action is being taken.

You also have a right to confidentiality, as do the parents of this child.

You have no evidence that this child is being abused but if the school have safeguarding concerns there are process in place to report them. OP is not entitled to confidential information about other children. The school do not owe her a detailed explanation of actions they are taking in relation to this child. But even if they were to provide one, there is nothing in OP's posts to suggest that she is an expert in working with children who display sexually inappropriate behaviours, so who is OP to judge whether the schools actions are sufficient? She has reported her concerns so now she needs to move on.

Yes. Witnessing porn at 8 counts as abuse as well.

Ok I think you're possibly telling the wrong person here. I don't disagree with this.

If your concern is that the girl’s parents do not know what happened, you can ask the school this, although I would be surprised if they hadn’t told them.

I’m not sure what else you are expecting the school to tell you though? The boy is entitled to an education and privacy as much as any other child. If something is happening to him which has caused this behaviour it is up to the school to deal with that and it is none of your business to know anymore about it.