Child in DS class asking inappropriately

[WhatTimeIsIt007]

I really don’t know if I ABU here.

My DS (8) has recently told me about a boy in his class who has touched a girl in their class inappropriately. He said that the boy touched the girl up her sides and onto her chest, and the girl was telling him to stop. DS and the girl both told the teacher. DS has also told me that this boy has said he wanted to drink this girls milk and also that he had asked her to breastfeed him.
I’ve reached out to school, and they have told me that they are dealing with this, and covering consent etc in PSHE lessons.
I totally understand that at this age children will be more curious about relationships, but this just doesn’t sit well with me at all.

AIBU to push the school harder in relation to this particular child, or am I totally overreacting.

Are you allowed to ask the school if the parents of both children have been informed? That's not breaking any confidentiality surely.

I honestly dont know if I'd trust the school, I've so many friends who are teachers and it seems a lot gets covered up or lessened to some degree

So this is sexual assault, whether or not the child realised it. I have to say that a horrible statistic shows that the majority of children who commit sexual assaults have either been sexually assaulted themselves, or witnessed a sexual assault (and so are repeating the behaviour). For example - where did he learn to keep touching someone's body after they said 'no'? That sounds like a repeated behaviour. I really hope that this boy receives proper support as well as his victim.

Or there could simply be a new baby in the house?

Do NOT do this. What if that boy is being sexually abused? For fucks sakes.

OP, you’ve told them. Now you need to butt out and let them handle it.

They need the chance to tackle things initially before you ‘push it’ further.

It isn't sexual assault. For one thing the age of criminal responsibility in this country is 10. You also have no evidence that there was a sexual motivation at all. The behaviour is potentially concerning but it's been reported and OP has been told the school are dealing with it. Labelling this child as some kind of predator or making assumptions about his home life or experiences are not helpful.

Well when someone who has been sexually abused displays age inappropriate sexual attention towards a peer, we would expect to safeguard BOTH of them. Absolutely tell the girls mother what happened. Why would you not?

A few years ago we had a boy in school who became quite fascinated by breastfeeding after seeing a relative breastfeeding her baby at a family gathering. He hadn't realised it was a thing before and was really curious so he was talking to other children about it, he asked a couple of female teachers if they could make milk and was staring at their chests. All it needed was a calm conversation with him to explain that although it's a perfectly natural thing, breasts are still a private part etc.

Maybe there is something concerning going on for the boy in the OP, but there could also be an innocent explanation.

Because that is the schools job. OP has reported her concerns, which is all that's required of her. why would she now take it upon herself to have a conversation with a parent about an incident at school that does not involve her or her child? OP did not witness the incident, she has no information aside from what she has been told by her child, who was also not involved in the incident. You're not advising her to "safeguard" anyone, you are advising her to gossip, which is rarely helpful.

Surely the girl would tell her own mother?

I really don't think anyone of this is the Op business. School are dealing with it.

And yes I'd also think they will be safeguarding for the boy who we have no clue what his situation is. He could already by in the care system.

The school isn't allowed to dish out personal information about another child.

You can want as much as you like, it doesn't change the fact that the school cannot give out personal information. If their reassurances aren't enough for you, you may have to place your child in another school.

And that is correct. The school has the details, let them handle it. The OP will not be told of the outcome, it did not involve her child, so she has no right to be told anything. It is not for her to 'push' anything.

I don’t see what else you should be pushing for. you’re not entitled to the details of what happens with either of these kids parents. If you want to be sure her parents know, you tell them yourself, otherwise you mind your own business

I disagree. Her child was involved because he stood up when someone was in trouble. If John saw Alice be seriously unkind to George, I would tell George’s Mum.

In OPs child’s situation it’s perfectly possible the little boy wasn’t sexually motivated at all but the little girl might need her mum.

Does anyone know do the school HAVE to tell the childs parents or can they decide to deal with it 'in-house?' Cause we all know how well that goes.

Genuinely though why are people ok with just being told the school are dealing with it, maybe the extent of that dealing is just classes about consent which wouldnt be enough for me. Can you speak to the other mum just to pass on your concerns?

So what would be enough for you? This is why the schools should be dealing with incidents, and not parents taking things into their own hands. Can you imagine what that could lead to? Not advisable.

The problem here is you and your son are third parties. So there's no duty of care involved. You should report and back up the girl involved but beyond that you are limited in how much you can do.

Personally I would be reaching out to the mum of the girl and asking the situation and what support she and the daughter needs. And I would be on repeat in terms of each and every situation your son is witness to, as part of that support.

Beyond that you are not relevant nor important.

Because it’s not your place as another parent. It’s the school who do that, not you. You have no idea what is going on and who has been told what, you do not insert yourself in like that.

Mad you think the school wouldn’t tell the girls parents. Or that the girl herself wouldn’t.

Well all I can say is “you do you” because I would find your lack of care for the little girl totally unacceptable. It takes a village not a keep your head down and don’t insert yourself , imo.

How is talking to the school and making them aware a ‘lack of care’?!?!

OP has told the school. They have said they’re dealing with it. She needs to let them deal in the first instance.

As someone who has seen and reported abuse, I would never fucking keep my head down. But I would not go a tell the girls mother without letting her school deal with it. You have no idea what the school has done and what they’ve put in place to support the girl, the boy OR their parents.

Stop looking to be a have a go hero.

I understand your concern that the school are not dealing with it as a child protection concern. You do not have the right to know the CP process in this particular case, but you do have the right to make explicit that you are reporting a child protection concern. I would do that. You could email and say that while you think covering it in PSHE is a good thing, you want to be sure that you have made this report for the attention of the Designated Safeguarding Lead, as you were reporting as a child protection issue

They have said they are dealing with it… so let them?

Not looking to be a hero at all, we just have different ideas about what to do in this instance.

There will be kids that age still breastfeeeding or seeing siblings at home breastfeed so will try recreate it with other children. Might be work speaking to teacher about boundaries / consent. Or you could teach your DS breastfeeding is a natural thing and not to judge what goes on at homec

No, you have your opinion on what to do and most of us are telling you that it’s not the right thing to do and the best thing to do is not to insert yourself and stay out whilst the school deals with it, which is most likely what all parties involved would want. The school will have informed both children’s parents, they wouldn’t need your opinions on the matter.