Child in DS class asking inappropriately

[WhatTimeIsIt007]

I really don’t know if I ABU here.

My DS (8) has recently told me about a boy in his class who has touched a girl in their class inappropriately. He said that the boy touched the girl up her sides and onto her chest, and the girl was telling him to stop. DS and the girl both told the teacher. DS has also told me that this boy has said he wanted to drink this girls milk and also that he had asked her to breastfeed him.
I’ve reached out to school, and they have told me that they are dealing with this, and covering consent etc in PSHE lessons.
I totally understand that at this age children will be more curious about relationships, but this just doesn’t sit well with me at all.

AIBU to push the school harder in relation to this particular child, or am I totally overreacting.

So basically I have a different opinion to your own….I can live with that.

…it’s not really a matter of opinion in these situations but sure.

With respect if you don’t understand that what you think is “the right thing to do” is an opinion and actually believe that there is only one way to respond then you probably need to do a bit more thinking.

Er, okay, sure, let’s bin all proper procedure in life in lieu of someone deciding to gossip. Sounds good to me.

Telling someone something that happened to their child isn’t gossip.

Which is why the school will have it covered and will be dealing with it.

I don’t think there’s a logical progression between your post and the one you quoted. By all means if your own child tells you something of this nature feel free to do what YOU feel is appropriate, as would I.

Well it kind of is gossip.
The Op didn't actually see what happened. Therefore she is repeating what someone else has said. And that's how rumours start.

I'm quite sure the girl is more than capable of telling her own Mum what happened.
And I'd have thought the school would also have been intouch with the Mum or guardian (remember not all kids stay with Mum) even if the girl hasn't told her.

That’s how ping ping gets played with reported abuse and no one really takes responsibility. That’s why the archbishop resigned over an abuse case. He assumed it would get dealt with and it never was. OP could at least be told categorically that the little girl’s parents have been informed.

Or not.

So what do you propose? That the OP does what exactly? In this thread there have been some great suggestions about the OP asking to make sure it goes down as a sexual abuse case and speaking to the child protection officer within the school. What more do you want her to do?

Victims don’t always tell though and in this instance I would be making sure mum knew.

Hi, so it is sexual assault, but it's classed as COCSA ('child on child sexual assault'), and is very much recognised as a 'thing'. There doesn't have to be a sexual motivation for the behaviour to be inappropriate - touching someone in a private place is SA. Likewise, if a child stole a sweet from a shop, they would still be guilty of theft, even if they didn't have the capacity to understand their actions and were not of an age of criminal responsibility. It's important that it's recognised to be assault, so that the victim can receive proper support. SA is traumatic at any age, and the child needs help, not for the incident to be brushed under the rug. My evidence for this? I was assaulted as a child by an older child (of the age of criminal responsibility, but still a child). Since we were children, the incident, which is legally rape, was brushed under the rug at school - it still traumatised me, just as the rape of an adult would.

In regard to making the child out as a predator - where in my original post did I do this? The child is quite clearly not a predator - they are 10 years old. The child needs appropriate help, they need empathy and kindness. The child is not 'bad' or 'evil' - they likely just don't have an understanding of bodily boundaries. They don't deserve to be stigmatised, or told they committed a crime. However, they do need to be told that this behaviour isn't ok, and adults need to be responsible to make sure it doesn't happen again. The child isn't at fault, the adults involved are - however, this doesn't mean that nothing should be done, or that the child shouldn't be taught to respect the boundaries of others.

In regard to suggesting things about the child - yes, I do think it's important to recognise that children who touch others/ignore the body boundaries of others have often been taught to do that. Children model adults: an adult who models respect of other people's bodies teaches a child to do the same. An adult who violates the boundaries of others teaches a child to do that as well. Alternatively, inappropriate touching can be linked to viewing porn at too early an age (which is traumatic for the child and warps their understanding of bodies and sex). This clearly isn't always the case, but should be recognised as something that is actually serious. Ignoring the potential for abuse just because it's unpalatable to consider it/would make trouble is a recipe for disaster.

In short, I made my earlier comment not out of the wish to stigmatise the child who committed the act, but to recognise the experience of the victim. Being touched inappropriately is a humiliating and violating experience. It's important that the victim is actually offered help for what happened, and the only way to ensure that this happened is to label the experience for what it was - assault.

Let the school deal with it, don't be 'that' parent.

This!!!
'I'd want confirmation'....🙄

You're not wrong but the parties likely to be given more info are the boy and the girl, your ds was being a good friend/witness but essentially a 3rd party. I'd be tempted to ask school if the girls parents have been told as I'd have to do more if I thought they hadn't. I agree the wording or language the boy used was worrying in the sense that it seems that a very odd influence was evident.
Thumbs up for your ds though

I would be worried with where this child is getting sexual content from , possibly being abused or having access to it online which in my view is neglect

Yes that was my first thought too! He's seen his mum breastfeeding the baby and stroking babies leg ect. Everyone always jumps to the worst conclusion! The school will deal with this as a safeguarding concern and get to the bottom of it. The op needs to stay out of it the school can not tell her anything about another child.

There will be 8 year olds still breastfeeding?
if there are I would consider that a major safeguarding or parental mental health concern.

Did you report it to the class teacher or the safeguarding lead?

If you are concerned you haven’t done enough/school isn’t dealing with it properly you could make a factual report of everything your child said and email the safeguarding lead, stating you are raising a safeguarding concern.

If you’re still not happy, reach out to the safeguarding governor.

I had a not dissimilar situation when my child was in reception/y1 (although my child was the victim)

I met with the principle and they were geared up to give me a lecture about not being able to share information about the other child. I pointed out at no stage did I ask for any information about the other child but that I wanted to know how they were going to safeguard my child.

Lots of people saying the child could have been exposed to porn/seen something they shouldn’t have and how that could be causing the child to behave like this. Yet the fact her son witnessed a sexual assault and could again (regardless of any motivation) is being dismissed.

Nah….
im sure many 8yo have had babies in the family and they havent asked girls to taste their milk!
Actually I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t ask their mum either!!

Leave the school to deal with it; they’ve said they’re doing do but I’d keep the date you reported it written down & listen to your child if another incident occurs; I agree an 8yr old would know this is inappropriate but it could be an innocent child being a little exuberant; I’d be careful about how you approach your child in regards to any matter involving this child as you don’t want to label them as odd or weird in a young child’s mind when all you have is one incident that’s been reported

This. And OP, you have absolutely no right to expect the school to discuss this boy with you, in terms of next steps. You have reported it and the school are dealing with it. That's all you need to know. If you feel the school has not dealt with it, you can of course escalate above the school, but I'm not sure what grounds you have for believing the school has not dealt with the incident appropriately?

I hope the little boy is okay and that he's being looked out for.

You won’t get any more info from the school- it’s a confidential issue now. I would ask you son to let you know if he sees or hears anything like that again to tell you straight away and you can report that. But they won’t tell you the outcome of your reporting or what they are doing about it