To not have a housewarming because of this friend

[Isitme27]

I'd like to have a housewarming but I have one friend who is quite outspoken. She will speak her mind and sometimes says things that upset people. She can be tactless. I know people may ask why im friends with her but otherwise she is a good friend, she can be very kind. However I am worried about her offending someone at the party, especially one member of my family particularly who is very sensitive. Not inviting her isn't an option, she is part of a large group of friends and it would effectively end our friendship. How would you handle this one? Would it be unreasonable to have a bit of a word with her beforehand and say my relative is sensitive or something?

Have a family only do and then have a gathering of your friends, who are also her friends? Why do you need to have one huge party with everyone?

What would be the worst that would happen if she offended people? Would it just be awkward or would it cause bigger problems?

Either separate the gatherings or only have one or the other.

Is it likely based on numbers this friend would bump into your relative? Would the friend respond well if you explained the situation with this family member and asked her to avoid certain topics? Though clearly if your friend is sharing racist, homophonic or anti disability rants etc, then to me that’s reason enough not to invite her - not saying she is, just not sure what type of speaking her mind you are talking about.

Because it's not a nice feeling to be on the receiving end of it??

Let the friend go.

Have 2.

Does she speak her mind or is she nasty?

Nothing wrong with speaking your mind but if it's comments that are made in a nasty way about/towards someone which aren't warranted then to me that's their personal preference and uncalled for and not someone I'd want to invite to a housewarming party..

After all you're just as entitled to speak your mind as she is and if you think she's going to upset your guests speak up and tell her why she's not invited.

Instead of my relative is sensitive I’d go with “I know you can be quite opinionated/speak your mind without thinking but I’d appreciate if you tone it down for the housewarming party”

Personally I had a friend like this and I ended the friendship, worried about her going to my house for my engagement party, worried about her upsetting someone at the hen, worried about her saying something at the wedding. She was also opinionated and said rude things to me to.

I can't imagine having a friend who was so tactless and gobby that I was contemplating not having a housewarming because I was afraid of having her around other people. Just tell her to zip it, or she's not invited? Is she completely unaware of how awful she is?

Introducing different groups of friends, or friends to family, can sometimes be a bit of a minefield. When you don’t gel with a friend of a friend, It’s hard to realise someone you like has actively chosen to spend time with someone you don’t. There’s a woman several of my friends really like for some reason, whereas I keep hoping she’ll fall into one of the vats of wine she appears to have necked every time I see her.

You say this woman is part of a large friendship group. If it’s that large, I’m guessing it will be a big party. Will she even speak to your relative that much? Not everyone will get to spend time with everyone there. If she does manage to offend someone, don’t make excuses for her - it’s okay for not everyone to like everyone.

This. How odd.

That's a tricky one. You've decided against the most obvious choice, to not invite her. So have two parties, or just have the one and accept that her behaviour doesn't reflect on you - although in this situation it kind of does, and you may need to run interference. That doesn't sound like it would be fun for you. A housewarming should be a nice get together to celebrate a new start in life.

You've got a friend who offends your family when she sees them. Either you have to keep them apart or accept that offence might occur. Unless your friend is outrageously rude, you could just let the people concerned sort it out between themselves. Perhaps the relative she upset last time will avoid your friend and no more harm will be done; it would be easy in a big party.

I have a friend who can be a little abrasive when you first meet her. However she is also absolutely loyal, great fun and never judges me and I have learnt the abrasiveness is really her trying to come across as funny and more confident than she actually feels. If someone is likely to really clash with her I would give them a bit of a heads up in advance that one person is a bit more sensitive and the other can come across a bit much but is actually lovely. But for the most part I don't really bother about it as it doesn't overly concern me and they won't be expected to hang out again if they don't want to. At the end of the day everyone is an adult and is responsible for themselves.

It's just life isn't it? These clashes happen when you get groups together for any social occasion. Unless she's an outspoken racist, homophobe or seriously offensive I'd just leave everybody to it. Some people are annoying, some people are sensitive but they're all adults and have to sort it out themselves.

Having two separate housewarming parties isn't an option unfortunately.

It would cause bigger problems.

What are some examples of things she says?

What level of offense are we talking about? Fat abuse? Racism? Politics?

She's very pedantic, she will pick people up on small details of things that they say, she will give her opinions on people's relationships, people's children. Basically she'll just give her opinion on how she sees it. It's become worse recently because she is unhappy and I think this is how she sort of lashes out/protects herself.
I think the only option would be to ask her to tone it down for the party but my God what an awkward conversation to have and I'll probably offend her!

then you need to pull on your big girl pants and not invite her. And if she asks, tell her why.

Honestly, it is a bit ridiculous to not have a party for this reason. Also: your friends who she might offend need to learn to say "pack it in, twat" when she does it. She'll either stop or not be your friend any more. Win-Win

She values saying it how it is so she'd be a huge hypocrite to be able to dish it out but not take it, right?

So begin by saying that you know how important speaking her mind is to her and how she feels free to express her opinions and so you know she will respect you doing the same.

Then tell her she's a dick and to pack it in.

If you're not comfortable telling her when she's being a dickhead, why are you friends? Genuine question - people I consider friends are people I can be honest with. Anyone I'm not close enough to be honest with, wouldn't be invited to a housewarming party.

Would you rather offend her, have her offend others, or miss out on a housewarming altogether? I’d go with what @Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast has just suggested or find a date you know she can’t come!

Why can't your sensitive relative just tell her to fuck off if she feels offended?
You can't go through life trying to avoid someone else risk of offence!