To not have a housewarming because of this friend

[Isitme27]

I'd like to have a housewarming but I have one friend who is quite outspoken. She will speak her mind and sometimes says things that upset people. She can be tactless. I know people may ask why im friends with her but otherwise she is a good friend, she can be very kind. However I am worried about her offending someone at the party, especially one member of my family particularly who is very sensitive. Not inviting her isn't an option, she is part of a large group of friends and it would effectively end our friendship. How would you handle this one? Would it be unreasonable to have a bit of a word with her beforehand and say my relative is sensitive or something?

You cant control other peoples behaviours , your all adults if she were to say something to upset someone then I’m sure that person is old enough to sort it out themselves her behaviour and actions are not on you, I completely understand it as I have a friend like it so much so I’m trying to let our friendship fizzle out as if I’m being honest it’s taken me a long time to see that actually she’s not just being pedantic or picky she’s a complete bitch who loves to control everyone and everything in her life and it’s like treading on egg shells for fear that you say something and change your mind as god help me if I did !

reevaluate the friendship , sometimes it takes time to see people for who they really are and that atually that’s not the type of person you want in your life xx

Who's supposed to tell you to wind your neck in when you're being a dick if not your best friends?

OP I've thought long and hard about this and have a foolproof solution for you. Have the party, but once everyone has arrived get your arsehole mate and your overly sensitive relative to strip naked and fight to the death.

Winner stays at the party, problem solved.

Warn the sensitive people about your gobby friend, say she’s like that with everyone and not to take personal offence if she is being a dick.

"I have a friend who is really rude and gobby, its just what she's like and you aren't to be offended" suuuuuuure that will work

Why are you even friends with her?
She sounds awful.
why don’t you not invite her and tell her why.

Your friends behaviour is not your problem, it's hers. You can step in if she oversteps and upsets someone.

Why even have a house warming if you don't want to ? Problem solved!

I think get a confident mutual friend to be her minder for the party!

Also warn the sensitive relative that Jane can offend people.

Or speak to her.

Or don't invite her.

I still think 2 parties is easiest and shouldn't cost much more. Personally I'd find it less stressful having less people in the house, but if you have a large house that's probably not an issue.

Invite her and don't worry. If she says something rude and your family member takes offence, that's between the two of them. Don't take it on.

Could you find out when the awful friend is unavailable and hold the party then?

Just tell your friend straight. She clearly doesn’t have a problem upsetting you or anyone else, so she can’t complain if you upset her, can she?!

Why throw your relative under the bus by saying they are sensitive, when you should be telling this "friend" to knock it off with her awful comments? Not inviting her absolutely IS an option. If she ends the friendship then so be it but I doubt she will.

Wow. She sounds horrible.

Don't invite her. If you ask her to tone it down beforehand, she sounds like the sort of jerk who will go the other way, with lashings of self pity and obvious references to being asked not to be a bitch.

Why are you wasting time and energy on someone so unpleasant? Don't invite her and when she asks why, tell her you didn’t want her offending everyone.

What happens for a wedding?

Really, just don't invite her. She sounds awful!
Why would you want to be friends with someone so horrible?
I'd see it as a bonus if she was so pissed off with me.

Above are all good ideas.

If she is so outspoken, she ought to be able to take it as well as give it out. Be frank with her and say I am worried that you may upset sensitive Auntie Nora. Can you promise me that you won't? Otherwise I can't invite you.
Also you said that she can be kind... so say to her that Auntie Nora needs to be treated with kid gloves.
If she's "outspoken" about this... then say, this is causing me so much anxiety if you can't help me out, you'll have to give this one a miss and come another time.

But really if she is giving you anxiety and she's also rude to you,then I think I'd be taking a step back

She’s clearly not worried or feeling awkward about offending you, your family or your friends so tell her straight! We’ve known people like this and asked her to leave one of our parties. She had corner mil and she was hammering home her opinion and mil was tearful. She’s a very gentle soul and quite sensitive so she couldn’t understand this behaviour. DH took care of his mum while I showed friend the door. The friendship fizzled out after that bc she realised I would stand up to her. Others in the friend group stopped inviting her as they finally had an excuse. It was only then I realised how nasty she actually was. I hope you can get this sorted @Isitme27 life is too short for stress!

If this friend is such an 'outspoken' person she's probably well able to take the same outspokenness as she dishes, so the solution to the problem is to be very blunt, direct, and forthright with her when you warn her to wind her rude neck in.

I think this is your cue to re-examine this friendship. It’s not normal to worry about a friend upsetting a member of your family in your own home.
Speaks their mind is a politer way of saying someone is a bully. Do you enjoy this persons company?

Wait til she goes on holiday.

@pikkumyy77
Thank you for the sign posting. I read the reviews, and most of 75 pgs.
I've picked up some good tips.

wrong thread?

How does this friend deal with people being outspoken and opinionated back at her?.

Why do people on here put up with shit friends! You’ve said that she’s said things, that upset you, why entertain this?? Why would anyone want to spend their precious time with someone that would upset them, and also upset their other friends and family. You shouldn’t be accommodating her, you should be telling her it’s not ok, and she should be trying to improve her behaviour, rather than you tip toeing round her!

does the big group of friends you are in, think the same about her, as you? Or is her bad behaviour just aimed at you in particular?