DH retiring and how to sort money

[Moneyponders]

Posting here for traffic! My DH is going to retire at 55. I totally agree with this decision as his job is extremely stressful.

He will get a lump sum of £60k and £900pm.

I am self employed and he has said he will help me run my business. In my busy periods this will be a good thing. But not necessary as I’ve managed alone for 15 years!

I don’t know how to sort the money though? He currently sends me £1k a month which covers his half of the bills. When he retires (in 2 years) the bills will be lower because the mortgage will be finished. His half of the bills without food will be £300. With food probably £500/£600. I’d feel bad taking £500 of his £900 if he’s helping me. But a lot of the time I actually don’t need help and I’m going to be £1k a month down.

Can’t see the wood for the trees! What do you think? Should I just pay for everything?

I haven't read the whole thread, but have read all the OP posts, so apologies if this has already been said.

You support him retiring from his current job because it's stressful. Why can't he get another, maybe PT, less stressful job to contribute more/properly to the household? It feels as if he wants to contribute, but he can't expect you to create work in your business for him. He needs to find something else so he can make a decent contribution/cover his own costs/extravagances.

This.

You are right to keep your finance separate. I personally wouldn't let him work in the business, it makes no sense to dilute your earnings when you don't really need the help. When he retires he needs to be able to cover his fair share of any costs and also make an equal contribution to household expenditure and holidays.

It’s not actually recommended that someone give up a very stressful job to retire retire. In my profession there are pension meetings before someone retires and as it’s such a manic/ stressful job they tell people it’s fine to have a month off or go on holiday etc but then they need to get another job because it’s too much of a shock otherwise. If I make it to retirement age, which for me would be 60 I would then try to get another job. Minimum wage would be fine.
So I think you should tell your partner that. Great that he wants to leave his job but for the sake of his mental health and also your joint finances he will need to do something else even if it’s 2 days a week.

You know exactly what I mean. I had responded directly to another poster asking her a question but you decided to insert yourself into that, so then I responded to you, essentially saying you'd misunderstood what I wrote. I shouldn't have bothered.

Is this in any way helpful to the OP?

Surely his wife who is earning £3000 per month could help, if she’s,not too selfish to do so. And here’s me thinking marriage is a partnership!

No, A partnership you are not.

I’m in a similar situation and hoping to retire at 55 but have made it clear to DH that he needs to be in a position where he can cover his half of the household expenses before he can follow suit. Possibly going to downsize to release his equity in the house and adjust tenants in common accordingly but he will also need a part time job. In your position I would make it very clear he needs to fund his own retirement and decline offers to help you if he expects payment. He would probably be better looking for another job and prioritising boosting his retirement fund or going to part time at 55 so his pension can continue to grow albeit at a slower rate than full time hours

Why should she have to pay him for a job she doesn't need doing?

He's 55. He can find another job. She's already paid his debts off for him, paid for his long haul holidays etc etc.

It doesn't sound like he can really afford to retire!!

He needs to pay his way.

DH retired at 59 because his father was very unwell. His job was long hours and very stressful. He took his work pension and lump sum. His dad died 8 months later. DH subsequently signed up with an agency and has done a variety of jobs since. He is nearly 70 and still working part time.
He wants to keep working till 75 if he can because it is good for his mental health and it means we can still have holidays.
Honestly, IMO having your dh helping in your business could be a disaster, unless you work extremely well together and his input will add enough to the profit to replace his salary, tax and NI.

What I think is this is another post that should have been elsewhere - in the Money forum.

Why on earth is he retiring now? It doesn't sound like he can afford to. At best, he can find another less stressful job. It shouldn't be on you to fund his life just because he doesn't like his current job.

No, you directly quoted me, I replied to your post quoting me, and then you were rude to me and said that your post quoting mine wasn't directed at me. Why not own your error and apologise for your uncalled for rudeness?

OP you have been supporting this man for years and now he wants a slice of your business?

He sounds like a lazy loser that is a bit of a parasite.

Knock any involvement in your business on the head.
You subsidise him too much already.

I think he is using you and has used you your entire relationship.

I would be telling him to move out if he wants to retire and find someone else to fun his lazy arse.

We are not in England - if we split, my assets are still mine (the law is different here). Have no intention of doing that, we are very happy.

Actually, I forgot that he has to pay his pension from his pay, so he actually draws about £2500 a month. So less than me. This is why I pay for our treats mostly. It's not a lot - we eat out maybe twice a month. He pays for his own stuff and holidays etc.

I have had a few unexpected lump sums (redundancy and inheritance) which is why I helped him to pay a loan off. He has had no windfalls. His parent, who is extremely wealthy has never given him a bean. That's a whole other thread tbh - he has a brother who is on the breadline, who gets no help either, despite the parent being so wealthy. It's baffling to me, as a mother.

Op, ignore those calling you out for not being a partnership. Your partner retiring before he can afford it will transfer a greater burden to you to provide than is reasonable at the stage of life you are at. That is not how you behave in a partnership unless there are health issues that can't be worked around. Job too stressful? Change it. Diluting your partners income when you are otherwise fit and healthy is unreasonable and selfish. Loving him now won't stop you from feeling resentful further down the line.

I've got up to this point and had to comment, so apologies if the thread has moved on.

It sounds like you've subsidised him since day one? And are now about to subsidise his early retirement!!!

I planned out our pensions etc on a spreadsheet and modelled what retirement would look like at 55, 60 and 65.

It's a very interesting exercise and I think you need to give it a go.

His plan sounds very unreasonable. He's planning on retiring on the equivalent of state pension. Of course you will end up subsidising him.

He isn't in a financial position to retire is he? If he hates his job, why doesn't he get another, lower paid but less stressful job. He is only able to consider retiring because you have supported him financially since you met.

Loads of people hate their jobs but can't just retire in their 50s if they can't afford to live on the amount of pension that they will receive.

If he didn't have a high earning wife with her own business and her own house that she already had when they met, he wouldn't be able to do this.

Why will you be 1k down? If the bills have reduced and he is still paying half then you actually are paying less yourself

Ahhh so you have a cock-lodger. Now I understand why you don’t want to share.

He needs to carry on working past 55 then, doesn’t he?

It's not financial abuse to refuse to pick up more of the bills to enable your husband to retire at 55 and still have lots of spending money ffs.

OP, if he wants to retire so early that's on him, but he should still be covering his half of the bills and only let him work for your business if and when you need the help. If he decides he doesn't have enough spare money every month, he can find a part time job and earn it, like everyone else.

Im sorry to say this but.. but you have all the assets and the business. I think you should protect yourself. He sounds like a completely entitled freeloader

He can't afford to retire. He is entitled to, but can't actually afford it. There are a lot of lovely supermarket delivery drivers my way who are men in their 50s and early sixties who really enjoy a new lower stress job. Mortgage is paid off- he can take it easier, but he can't stop completely.

You really aren't a partnership at all.

This. You’ve bailed him out plenty, and you need to explain if he can’t fund himself he can’t retire at the young age of 55. Most of us have to plan to 67.