DH retiring and how to sort money

[Moneyponders]

Posting here for traffic! My DH is going to retire at 55. I totally agree with this decision as his job is extremely stressful.

He will get a lump sum of £60k and £900pm.

I am self employed and he has said he will help me run my business. In my busy periods this will be a good thing. But not necessary as I’ve managed alone for 15 years!

I don’t know how to sort the money though? He currently sends me £1k a month which covers his half of the bills. When he retires (in 2 years) the bills will be lower because the mortgage will be finished. His half of the bills without food will be £300. With food probably £500/£600. I’d feel bad taking £500 of his £900 if he’s helping me. But a lot of the time I actually don’t need help and I’m going to be £1k a month down.

Can’t see the wood for the trees! What do you think? Should I just pay for everything?

OP I think you're perfectly reasonable. This isn't a partner having to give up work due to ill-health. This is a healthy 55 year old who wants to stop working, doesn't actually have enough money to do so, and seems to expect you to make up the shortfall.
Lazy shit quite frankly.

There are basically three options here:

1. He retires at 55, you continue to split things as you are doing, and he has a very frugal retirement. Not sure how that works with joint holidays etc.
2. you end up bailing him out
3. He realises that he can't afford to retire at 55 however stressed he is - like most of the rest of the world, and keeps working.

Sounds like (2) isn't going to happen and I'd say (3) is better than (1).

No, you’re not. He contributed £1k to bills. That amount will be £300 going forward, £500 with food. You’re zero down, he’s still paying his share based on what you’ve said.
on the other hand , you make £3k. Presumably your bills share is also 300 instead of £1000, so you’re even on what he gives you and £700 up personally.

don’t have him help you in your business. Tell him you don’t really need it and as a very young retiree he should be finding hobbies or part time work if that’s what he wants with other people to have a community.

the holidays sound like it will be difficult for him to fund. WHY THE FUCK HAVENT YOU BOTH TALKED ABOUT THIS?? Before he made his retirement plans!! You’re both at fault here.

You don't need to understand my point, I was replying to someone else. Not you, not the OP.

OP, I think you need to sit down with him, and tell him outright that you will NOT be funding his retirement in any way, shape or form. Point out that he will only have £900 p.m, out of which he will need to give you £500, and that his will leave him with £400 a month to fund EVERYTHING that he wants.

I would also point out, that if he continues to spaf his money up the wall, his £60k will soon be gone, and so rather than retiring, you think he should get a job which is far less stressful, but will still bring him in enough to top up his £900 each month.

What I don't understand, is why, when you say you've talked during dog walks, that 'It’s all a bit awkward', does he not understand how poor he will feel, or does he think that you are going to fund him? Either way, you need to enlighten him NOW!

Tell him to take a minimum wage job: work in a shop. work in a bar, do some admin or call centre work.

That would be 1600+900 and invest the 60 000 @ 4% for £200 a month additional income. That's £2 700 a month which should be enough.

I wouldn't let him elbow in on your business: all your eggs in one basket is a risk..

It’s like the MN Roast Chicken that lasts a family of 4 for a week! 🤣
I’m amazed by how much people can save whilst seemingly buying a lot.

You are sounding so crass. It's a marriage not a list of assets. No way would I like to see my dh retire at 55, potentially 40 more years together of him not working.
Insane.
Hecan volunteers, be a trustee, mentor young people.
You sound like you are going to be paying for him . I would not do this.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld he needs to still pay his half of food and bills.

If that only leaves him with £400 a month then he will need to supplement his income with a part time job.

I'd make it clear that you don't need help with your business. It sounds as if he wants to help then thinks he gets half your £3000 a month.

You just need to be completely clear and honest with him OP, he either continues working or accepts that he will have to live within his means and if you want to keep your finances separate you will have to accept changes to your lifestyle too (eg holidays) unless you are willing to pay for some things.

Why did you quote my post (and reply to the points made in it) if you weren't replying to me?

I think in his head he will be earning half by helping the op with the business even though she doesn’t really want his help.

You don't need his help in the business so don't give him a pity job

He continues to pay his share, if his pension is not enough then he can do PT at Tesco or wherever.

"Working" together is a recipe for disaster anyway. Also, you don't need an employee. Keep it separate and ask him to find his extra money elsewhere.

I agree with you op. I wouldn’t be supporting a physically fit 55 year old man ( who has no financial awareness ) to retire. Is he lazy ? What on earth does he expect to do every day of the week and who does he expect to finance him?
He cannot afford to retire!

Why is he retiring at 55? You say he is a spender so it sounds like he can't actually afford to retire, especially if you don't want to pool funds. Could he semi retire and go part time at his work or get another part time job in order to top up his income?

Has he actually said he expects payment for 'helping' you run your business?

If so, I'd tell him straight that no, you don't need any help and cannot afford to pay an employee. Or point out that you'd be happy for him to help you when the business is busy, however, as you've helped him financially in the past, it will be because he's being kind, and not to receive any payment.

There's no way I'd be paying him for help that you don't even need when he's a prolific spender and has had money problems in the past. Why on earth is he retiring at 55yrs old for £900/mth?!

How much do you have to rescue this man before you feel like it's fair for him to pay his way?

Seriously, he is a spendy man who, despite having means, he frittered away any life earnings that weren't glued down.

Crassly, he is planning on you subbing him til he gets an inheritance which you, as a gentle soul, deep down hope that means he isn't a parasite using you. But he is a parasite, because he hasn't provided for himself.

He can't afford to retire with his existing standard of living and he hasn't broken his speedy lifetime habits, ergo his expectation is that he will sponge off you, while dressing it up in pretty packaging as helping you and you being a team.

Don't let him near your business. If you weren't already married to him, I'd suggest not doing that either!

We started talking about his retirement about 5 years ago. Mainly on dog walks. It’s been airy fairy and we’ve never sat down to hammer out how the money would work.

What on earth have you been talking about for five years, if it's not 'can you/we afford to do this?' @Moneyponders?

Also, given how you've helped him out in the past and how shit he is financially, it's a kick in the teeth that he won't be sharing any of his huge inheritance with you - his long suffering wife!

OP, I’m confused why you said in your opening post that you ‘totally agree’ with your husband’s decision to retire early, when every single one of your subsequent posts shows that you clearly don’t agree with it in the slightest.

He can't afford to retire. He's clearly expecting you to bankroll him and thinks your modest £3k pm income is a magic money tree. Oh dear.

He hates his job, fair enough he wants to leave but at 55 and assuming no health restrictions he could work part time in a garden centre or something, earning £1500-2000 pm depending on hours, less stress and wouldn't expect you to pay him for meddling needlessly helping out with your business.

I will add that there's no legal obligation for all assets in a marriage to be shared despite what the vows say. It's only upon divorce they are deemed to be shared in order to split them. Before then there's no way of enforcing sharing. My husband and I have separate bank accounts, savings, pensions etc (and a joint account for household/kids stuff though that's not compulsory either). No one from the Ministry of Marriage has ever rapped on the door and ordered us to move everything into joint names!

He's 55. He might have sensibly resigned from his stressful job. But he can still work at something non-stressful, and if he can't support himself on his pension, then that's what he needs to do.

I'm still amazed that you didn't discuss this beforehand.

You can retire at 55 if you have pots of money not 900 quid 🤣🤣 He's taking the piss

Also sounds like your DH should catalogue his kites, exercise balls etc. and list them for sale on ebay.

He could learn to use the metal detector and hunt for treasure too.

I'm just trying to figure out why you MARRIED a fiscally irresponsible man, spent time financing his debts and subsidising his continuously feckless lifestyle, and thought he'd wake up one day making smart, independent financial choices.

Tell him he cannot retire because he cannot afford it.

You sound quite calculated, but this is presumably an aversion to financing him dossing about/eating further into your purse, after he's made such a colossal fuck up of his finances. What is he doing with 3 cars and £900 income per month?

Again, why did you marry him?