Sex parties and apps

[Isitmeyourelooking4]

I would appreciate another point of view on this as this is a not quite argument with my husband and I have had a few times now.

His longtime friend was always a bit of a lad when it came to sleeping with women and discarding them and many years ago, when I first dated my husband, there were a few mutual friends that he had had brief relationship relationships and one night stands with and invariably these women were left a little bit dejected.

Fast forward to after his divorce he is back on the dating scene in the world of apps and instant gratification and it’s safe to say over the last 4 to 5 years he hasmade hay. Everywhere he goes when he travels for work he straight on the apps and hooking up with somebody apparently. He’s been to sex parties and he’s involved with people in open relationships etc and he just seems to have this never-ending stream of women who are willing to sleep with him.

Obviously, his antics are very entertaining to their group of friends who look at him as a bit of a stud and according to him and then there are no victims in this because all the women going into it with their eyes open and everyone’s consenting adults.

Now he’s no Adonis but he’s a decent enough looking bloke in middle age has a few pounds around his middle, but he also has extremely high physical standards for the women that he dallies with in that he expects them to be in tiptop condition and is very superficial about that kind of thing. This morning it was discussed and confirmed he wouldn’t go near anyone with a similar physique to him, I.e. a few extra pounds.

Every time my husband brings it up and it’s always in a kind of in passing listen to this kind of way we end up having a bit of a row as I maintain that the nature of women has not changed and that the majority of these women he sleeps with he is actually using. According to this guy of course everyone’s getting the same out of it and everyone’s left happy but hundreds and hundreds of women just makes me feel a little bit sick to be honest. I’m sure they’re being safe but there’s lots of diseases that you can’t really avoid if you’re having sex to that level. Plus it sounds like an addiction. It’s more than once a week over several years.

How am I being unreasonable in thinking that he’s using these women and that he should not be celebrated for his incredible sex life? Or, as my husband thinks, is it just an amusing anecdote and none of my business (I get that either way it’s none of my business).

I’m not a prude, quite the opposite twenty years ago, maybe the world and women have moved on?

He's using them, and they're using him. All consenting adults. It's a bit sleazy, but noone's in the wrong.

Agree with PPs up thread. Who cares what this guy is up to? The issue here is your husband lapping up the details and relaying them to you. Why do you want to listen to your husband telling you the details of who his mate’s been shagging? I’d think less of your husband in this situation rather than his single friend.

Have you not hears of Adult friend finder? Not sure if it's still going.. but that was a site for sex only meets.. ratio of same number of men and women.. people looking for MMF and FFM ..and other group sex etc. As long as it's legal and consenting l can't see a problem?

These apps are a different world but shock horror the women on they are after random shags just like the men

If I was willing to have no strings sex, I'd pick young, hard bodied men to do it with (of which there are an oversupply on sex sites, hook up apps, clubs etc.) ...not chubby 50 something men.

I'd imagine he's exaggerating his "conquests".

He's clearly good at 'selling' himself on the apps if he's this successful, perhaps he's able to come across as safe / respectful or whatever other attribute these women are looking for in a ONS or sexual encounter.

The objectifying women, having strict physical requirements etc is what struck me as most off putting about this man as he doesn't seem to be regarding the women he 'plays' with as equals. But isn't that often the dynamic? Men will be judged on personality/ confidence/ social status while women will be judged on youth/ looks/ willingness? I expect a good number of men in real life also have this type of misogynistic thinking ingrained, they just don't vocalise it or get to demonstrate it as clearly.

Anyway he sounds kinda grim.

I'd just do a bit of eye rolling and say "ah yeah, the endless saga of Dave and his average sized, std infected cock; bored hearing about it tbh".

He's clearly good at 'selling' himself on the apps if he's this successful, perhaps he's able to come across as safe / respectful or whatever other attribute these women are looking for in a ONS or sexual encounter.

I'd imagine a lot of it is exaggerated.

I personally think it's quite sad and a bit gross and risky. But it's his choice. He's an adult. Equally, as long as the women are aware he sleeps with so many people and they are just one night stands, then it's also their choice. He definitely wouldn't be my cup of tea, but up to the woman!

I think in the future, when he's alone etc.. he might regret it. But maybe not! Each to their own I suppose.

I wouldn't even hold hands with a slimy man like that though! Let alone be more intimate 🤢🤮. He sounds gross! And I wonder if he ever reflects on that and feels a bit low about himself. I wonder where his self worth is at?

It's sad he values looks and superficiality so much. But lots of people do I guess.

What a load of horseshit!

Some might say that it's the other way round. That longterm heterosexual relationships are a patriarchal invention to brainwash insecure women into remaining with substandard men, and that they usually work in the man's favour in terms of having their needs met - especially in the realm of domestic and emotional labour.

Some might say that women's low libido outside of a relationship is also a patriarchal construct, ensuring to men that their partners aren't going to stray while society forgives them "not being able to help themselves".

However, as a committed feminist I prefer not to judge any other women for their choices. Unlike some 🙄

Adults have fully consensual no-commitment fun shocker.

Nobody is asking you to do it, nobody requires your approval to do it, and yes, clutch the pearls, women exist who actually enjoy no-strings and/or nonvanilla sex and who don't want a relationship or don't want a relationship with every man (or woman) they fuck. It's not what everyone wants out of life, and there are life options other than cosily coupled up.

He sounds like a misogynistic jerk who thinks he is better than he is.... But no, I don't think he is using them.

A lot of women enjoy casual sex and I am careful about infantilizing women when it comes to their sexual choices.

As long as he is not promising anything more than the reality, then he isn't doing anything wrong in that regard.

But I do despise hypocritical men who are a bit (or a lot) tubby but expect women to be "perfect".

As if his personality and charm makes her lucky to be with him, but her body has to be ideal.

Haha - this!

I have a divorced female friend in her 40’s. Lovely woman, but she’s a jeans and trainers, no make up type. She’s slightly out of shape - not a gym bunny at all!

she is on a no strings app and it’s all 25 year old hot men with 6 packs. They can’t get enough of her!

I hardly doubt the sort of women using ‘sex apps’ are expecting to be wined and dinned before they are 69ed.

Your husbands friend is full of shit.

I’d agree. And crying alone drunk.

if he’s crowing about it, he is over compensating and doesn’t want to be the single saddo while all his friends are in stable relationships

Sorry - tagged wrong post. This was in response to @lookeelikee

Do you not worry that this could be swaying your husband into the life that he could have too ?
I don’t think I would want my partner to have friends with these opinions coz usually birds of a feather flock together and I wouldn’t want this behaviour to rub off on my partner .
His friend having this amazing sex life type thing ?

Don't look at the gay versions - you'd be horrified. I worked with a guy who went to Nazi themed gay sex parties.

Whats the difference between sleeping with as many partners as you can in 24hours or sleeping with as many partners as you can in a year, month, a weekend?

All seems pretty much the same to me, its just a question of scale.

Anyway, most, obviously not all people who boast about their sexual prowess, are just that, boasting, who knows if its true?

I cannot comment on sex clubs but apparently, in around 1 in 4 ons, no protection is used, i have to say in my experience and within my social circle, i could believe it was none at all!!

All the judgment on this thread :

Single saddos-relationship status shaming. There are plenty independent, happy, single by choice people. Some people think relationships are traps and not the penultimate or goal.

Wined and dined before 69ed - transactional sex. Sad. Same as prostitution TBH.

Equating the act of sex with morality. It's just genitals whacking of each other, let's not turn it into a pilgrimage.

The swinging scene is full of middle aged people just looking for adventure. No body owns anyone else's body, people can do whatever they want. Drop the judgment.

If your husbands stories bore you or irritate you. Tell him that. Don't turn it into some holier than thou jugeathon.

It does rather seem that your experience is extremely limited, mind you. Almost as if you were opining on something you knew nothing whatsoever about....🤔

One is a pretty unappealing venture and the other is a lot of fun?!

Drop the faux disingenuous rubbish, clearly there's a difference between fucking 100 men in a night and fucking 100 men in a decade.

you are not in a relationship with him I presume
He is just a friend of your husband's and if he chooses to live his life like that so be it.
If he using apps that are intended for people looking for the same thing then no one is suffering and presumably getting pleasure too
it's not like he is going to bars etc picking up people perhaps you would have a point as it could be misinterpreted as what they are getting together with
as it is let him get on with it unless you are jealous?