Page 5 | Baby showers

rosedahlialily · 2025-03-17T16:35:56+00:00

First time Mum here, I don’t know where to start with my baby shower. it seems that everyone is having big, extravagant get togethers but I don’t know the etiquette behind it all. Does the mum organise everything or friends or family? Does the mum foot the bill for everyone, or is everyone expected to contribute (ie. If it’s at a restaurant) I had a big beautiful wedding so feel cheeky asking people to turn out for me for a baby shower as well; but seems like everyone does this and it’s really typical now ? I don’t want to miss out as it’s my first baby

Lulu1919 · 18/03/2025 17:50

Having a low key one
In our garden
Couple of simple games / activities
Bit of food ..nice sandwiches ,crisps kinda thing
Sister and best friend organising
Asking for £5 donation to go towards food etc
About 10 people

MummytoE · 18/03/2025 17:55

Have one if you want, you don't need everyone on here to agree with the idea of a baby shower. But people are entitled to their opinions. If I could offer any advice it is best to have someone " officially" in charge. I was at one recently it was like a wake, everyone just sat round, no one mingled , no music ,no games. If there had been a sister or best pal who took charge it might have been more fun. I don't like them personally but just what I've noticed for one Ive been too

Lavender14 · 18/03/2025 17:56

Pinkhat123 · 18/03/2025 17:23

It’s not just tempting fate. People have a different perception of what is being celebrated. You can see from most of the comments that most people find you haven’t done anything significant yet, you havent done the “hard work” yet- you have the birth to get through and then have to tackle motherhood which no book can tell
you. That’s where the real celebration is needed. Once you have given birth you will
understand these point of views.

But each to their own. Sounds like you want one so you “don’t miss out”!

Edited

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What utter BS "you haven't done the hard work yet"

My pregnancy was harder than the birth and the parenting so far. I was on bed rest for most of it, regular hemorrhaging, I lost 3 stone due to the sickness and then developed diabetes and by the end I couldn't walk due to PGP.

Every womans experience is different and quite frankly that type of mentality is why people expect pregnant women to just chin up and get on with it like it's nothing.

And as someone who struggled with infertility and then a high risk pregnancy I think telling someone who's had that experience they are tempting fate is actually disgusting and cruel.

Op I'm so glad you're enjoying and celebrating your pregnancy, doing what you need to to promote good mental health and not letting the anxiety win.

TumbledTussocks · 18/03/2025 17:57

My friends organise mine but v low key. They brought food and games and we hung out and drank nosecco it was perfect.

Whammyyammy · 18/03/2025 17:57

Lanzarotelady · 17/03/2025 17:06

They are grabby and tacky - nobody really likes them - do yourself and your friends a favour and say no!

This

Pinkhat123 · 18/03/2025 18:07

Lavender14 · 18/03/2025 17:56

What utter BS "you haven't done the hard work yet"

My pregnancy was harder than the birth and the parenting so far. I was on bed rest for most of it, regular hemorrhaging, I lost 3 stone due to the sickness and then developed diabetes and by the end I couldn't walk due to PGP.

Every womans experience is different and quite frankly that type of mentality is why people expect pregnant women to just chin up and get on with it like it's nothing.

And as someone who struggled with infertility and then a high risk pregnancy I think telling someone who's had that experience they are tempting fate is actually disgusting and cruel.

Op I'm so glad you're enjoying and celebrating your pregnancy, doing what you need to to promote good mental health and not letting the anxiety win.

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That’s your opinion if is “BS” or not. We all know the mortality risks of childbirth are higher, there are no mortality risks of a pregnancy so that speaks for itself. This isn’t a competition of who’s pregnancy was harder than another, it all has its challenges of course but childbirth and recovery is harder…. Known fact! I’m not saying pregnancy is easy either.

As someone who has had high risk pregnancies and fertility issues TOO I’m speaking from own experiences of “tempting fate”. Good for you that you didn’t suffer anxiety. Not everyone is like that and that is often their reasons for not having a baby shower and/or avoiding them. I don’t think Im the only person here thinking this.

Lavender14 · 18/03/2025 18:13

Pinkhat123 · 18/03/2025 18:07

That’s your opinion if is “BS” or not. We all know the mortality risks of childbirth are higher, there are no mortality risks of a pregnancy so that speaks for itself. This isn’t a competition of who’s pregnancy was harder than another, it all has its challenges of course but childbirth and recovery is harder…. Known fact! I’m not saying pregnancy is easy either.

As someone who has had high risk pregnancies and fertility issues TOO I’m speaking from own experiences of “tempting fate”. Good for you that you didn’t suffer anxiety. Not everyone is like that and that is often their reasons for not having a baby shower and/or avoiding them. I don’t think Im the only person here thinking this.

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I had awful anxiety in my pregnancy thanks. The point I'm trying to make is that just because that was your experience and how you processed it - it's very unfair to talk to another woman about tempting fate and mortality risks and suggesting that if she had a baby shower she should think about tempting fate.

XWKD · 18/03/2025 18:16

They're tacky. You're "inviting" people to give you a present.

OrlaOrka · 18/03/2025 18:18

Pinkhat123 · 18/03/2025 18:07

That’s your opinion if is “BS” or not. We all know the mortality risks of childbirth are higher, there are no mortality risks of a pregnancy so that speaks for itself. This isn’t a competition of who’s pregnancy was harder than another, it all has its challenges of course but childbirth and recovery is harder…. Known fact! I’m not saying pregnancy is easy either.

As someone who has had high risk pregnancies and fertility issues TOO I’m speaking from own experiences of “tempting fate”. Good for you that you didn’t suffer anxiety. Not everyone is like that and that is often their reasons for not having a baby shower and/or avoiding them. I don’t think Im the only person here thinking this.

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There are mortality risks of pregnancy, blood clots being the number one cause of maternal death in this country. But that’s besides the point- the OP can have a baby shower if she wishes without being judged by people who think it’s tacky, or tempting fate, everyone likes to do things differently.

Pinkhat123 · 18/03/2025 18:49

Pinkhat123 · 18/03/2025 18:07

That’s your opinion if is “BS” or not. We all know the mortality risks of childbirth are higher, there are no mortality risks of a pregnancy so that speaks for itself. This isn’t a competition of who’s pregnancy was harder than another, it all has its challenges of course but childbirth and recovery is harder…. Known fact! I’m not saying pregnancy is easy either.

As someone who has had high risk pregnancies and fertility issues TOO I’m speaking from own experiences of “tempting fate”. Good for you that you didn’t suffer anxiety. Not everyone is like that and that is often their reasons for not having a baby shower and/or avoiding them. I don’t think Im the only person here thinking this.

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*no such mortality risks (reduced) in pregnancy I meant.

Pinkhat123 · 18/03/2025 18:50

OrlaOrka · 18/03/2025 18:18

There are mortality risks of pregnancy, blood clots being the number one cause of maternal death in this country. But that’s besides the point- the OP can have a baby shower if she wishes without being judged by people who think it’s tacky, or tempting fate, everyone likes to do things differently.

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I agree. That’s why I said for her to do her own thing.

ForPlumReader · 18/03/2025 19:32

I didn't have one, neither did any of my friends. I'm not sure if they're that common, maybe more just an American export mostly seen on TV.

FinallyPregnant2022 · 18/03/2025 20:19

I think they’re a bit outdated to be honest.
By all means organise a pre-baby getogether for your nearest and dearest but the concept of a baby shower is a bit naff in my opinion.

Lanzarotelady · 19/03/2025 08:01

rosedahlialily · 18/03/2025 17:06

You’re a real ray of sunshine 😂

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For not enjoying tacky, grabby events? Maybe I just have higher standards?

Inmydreams88 · 19/03/2025 08:07

I didn’t have one as I think they are tacky and I just didn’t want to celebrate my baby before he arrived safely.

I have been to other peoples, one I just brought a gift and I assume she or her family/close friends paid for it all. The other one I was asked to pay £40 to contribute to food, venue and decorations and also asked to bring a cash gift on top.

TizerorFizz · 19/03/2025 08:26

They are becoming more common because so few dc have christenings. We always had a party after a christening. Before the birth was never considered worthy of celebration. Many people I know just wanted a safe birth and were ready to celebrate that at the christening or naming ceremony. Baby showers are not widespread here but I still prefer a celebration for a new baby as opposed to celebrating pregnancy. Sometimes that can have an awful outcome.

strangecarinroad · 19/03/2025 08:56

Never been to one. I always politely decline they are not traditional in UK and could be almost considered bad luck for many. ( me included)
Remember people didn't use to even have the pram in the house before a baby was born!
You will not miss out as people buy presents when a baby is born.

Darkclothes · 19/03/2025 09:32

If you want a low key lunch with friends, then do so. You could always call it something other than baby shower. Whatever you do though- ensure that YOU buy the cake yourself and don't rely on someone else decorating it! 😳

Wannabegreenfingers · 19/03/2025 09:39

As others have said, usually a friend or family member will organise one. I personally really dislike them. Very grabby, and generally boring.

Honestly save your time and money.

Gemini29 · 19/03/2025 09:47

I dont enjoy them but i do attend if it's a close friend. You should pay for it seeing as it'a your party.

I didnt have any but i always have a big baptism party when DC is a couple of months old so i understand why people who aren't religous would want a celebration.

user1492757084 · 19/03/2025 09:48

Keep it low key. They are not compulsory.
Others decide to put one on for you, usually if it is your first born.
At family or friend's home and garden - a small gathering of close women who bring useful advice, small gifts or all put in for a large item like a cot or pram.
I prefer a Christening when the baby is there to join in.

Gall10 · 19/03/2025 09:50

Lanzarotelady · 17/03/2025 17:06

They are grabby and tacky - nobody really likes them - do yourself and your friends a favour and say no!

Only correct answer!

Gall10 · 19/03/2025 09:51

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 17/03/2025 17:13

Sadly, they are an american import, not something particularly special for mother-to-be due to drinking restrictions, while everyone else has a riot!
Ok, I exaggerate, but it's one of those things, along with school proms, that should be consigned back over the sea!

Yes, another American import…!

PurpleChrayn · 19/03/2025 09:52

It’s so tacky and chavvy.

thatmistylight · 19/03/2025 09:53

I really don’t think anyone other than the parents enjoy them. Everyone is skint these days and yet people seem to be expected to buy presents for a gender reveal, baby shower and the birth of the baby. If you really want one I’d keep it low key, but I don’t think you’re missing out as hardly anyone I know has had one.