Baby showers

[rosedahlialily]

First time Mum here, I don’t know where to start with my baby shower.
it seems that everyone is having big, extravagant get togethers but I don’t know the etiquette behind it all.

Does the mum organise everything or friends or family? Does the mum foot the bill for everyone, or is everyone expected to contribute (ie. If it’s at a restaurant)

I had a big beautiful wedding so feel cheeky asking people to turn out for me for a baby shower as well; but seems like everyone does this and it’s really typical now ?
I don’t want to miss out as it’s my first baby

Oh right. I've not seen hate on here, that's a strong emotion?. I'm sure that if people don't want to go to a baby shower, they won't go. I don't think £4 bibs are the factor.

some of these replies are quite presumptuous, suggesting I’m having a baby shower and gender reveal for ‘social media likes’…when I haven’t decided what I’m doing yet 😂 just asking questions

By missing out, I don’t mean on presents, I just feel like this pregnancy is going so quickly and have noticed other people having showers/celebrations, they don’t feel very me to be honest but I don’t want to look back and think I wish I’d celebrated more with friends and family

Perhaps you’ve not read the full thread 😂

Would people feel differently if Mum to be was covering the costs of the shower and didnt expect presents? That was my original plan. Ie putting on a big spread at my house.

It's up to you. You want to have a party - go for it. I think it's one of those things where there's no right answer, so just have what you want. There are very different ones described upthread. Do your own thing!
Good luck with the baby. When's it due?

This is really nice ☺️

Yes, I read the thread. I always report "hate". Strong opinions are ok! Not hate.
Each to their own.

I love the advice idea!

Do it then! Celebrate. Just make sure that it's what you want and enjoy it with your friends. Hosting it at home sounds nice, a bit more personal than a restaurant, and you can probably relax more.

I never had one, why on earth do you think you will miss out if you do? Is it thr presents you are after? If not then what is their to miss out on?

There was nothing aggressive about my post. OP seemed undecided so I was trying to understand her reasoning so as to advise her better.

I’ve been to quite a few- normally an afternoon tea or meal type affair. All been organised by friends of the mum to be, but none have been surprises afaik.

None of these enormous, Insta type dos have happened around this way. Normally just family and close friends. All of the above that I’ve attended have been enjoyed by all, people brought gifts to their budget but there wasn’t pressure as such.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

I’ve been to a couple not through choice and they were so cringeworthy.

I am pregnant due quite soon and wouldn’t dream of having one. I do find them so Americanised and grabby. Plus I’m not the first person to get pregnant and give birth. I’d rather people donated to a charity.

They can be lovely and you can do whatever you want for it. Ignore the haters.

If it’s an afternoon tea sort of thing at a venue it’s normal to ask people to pay for themselves (no-one’s forcing anyone to come). Just say this is the amount if you want to join us.

If you want to do it in your house, put some food on, a few decorations and ask a family member to do a few games, and say you don’t expect gifts. Job done.

I had meet the baby/eat cake gatherings a few weeks after both of mine. Babies safely arrived, I was recovering by then, people got a cuddle, over in 90 mins type of thing.

You won’t miss out on things if you don’t have a shower. But it sounds like you really want one. Don’t bother saying no gifts, people will bring gifts, you may as well get things you’ll use.

Small gathering with friends where gifts aren’t expected = fine.

Big gathering where the very obvious purpose is to show off all of the expensive stuff it was made clear was expected + cringey games = no.

I’ve been to many of the latter and very few of the former. Probably why I just see them as super-grabby, sorry.

I was pregnant at the same time as a work friend so our other friends from work organised a get together (I guess it would be a baby shower but it was more just a meal out with workmates which is something we would normally do). We both got given a collection as neither of us did a wish list as I think baby showers were still relatively new at this point.
With my second everyone had moved on and no one organised anything and neither did I.

I have been to two others. One being a meal with friends of the mum to be. Everyone paid for their own meal including the mum to be but we all chipped in for decorations and activities to play.
Another was an afternoon tea, again everyone paid for the afternoon tea and covered the cost of the mum to be plus money for decorations and games. This mum had a wishlist so some of us put money together to buy a bigger item of her list, and then when the baby was born only gave a token gesture.

I really think you can do whatever you want.

Personally, I can’t see the appeal of a baby shower. It’s all just a bit “look at me” for me! I am aware that many of my friends have experienced loss and fertility issues, so it would have felt quite insensitive to have a party to celebrate my pregnancies.

Would it be possible to have a small get together after baby is born? Feels less superstitious, plus it’s harder to begrudge anyone celebrating a baby.

@Moonnstars A wishlist for a baby shower!!! I didn't even think they were a thing for wedding now 😬

OP- If you really want a get together pre-baby, then organise one yourself and/or ask family to help. A casual luncheon at home, sandwiches a cake etc. OR, have something after baby has arrived.

I think you get a mix of people who are jealous that none wanted to organize one for them probably because there a Scrooge and people who loved them.

I didn't like attending most of them when single as no booze and the games like guess how big the bump is are mind numbingly boring. Please don't put your guests through that!

If you host it you must feed people and things like advice for parents to be or for the babysat future are nice.

Hopefully a friend or family will host for you though

They are chavvy and grabby and only exist as people in America do it. Don't put people through it. Also, I have personally known a few people whose babies died shortly before or during birth. Much more sensible to wait until after the safe arrival and people give a card and gift, just as has always been done before this American crap kicked in.

I'm American. Usually the shower gift is the baby gift. When the baby is born, flowers, a bottle of wine or just a card is perfectly fine.

Traditionally, the etiquette was that the mom-to-be's friends, sisters or sils gave the shower, not the m-t-b's mother or mother-in-law, but these days that rule has been thrown out of the window.

I have three children and didn't have a baby shower for any of them. The one's I have been to have been work colleagues where there are many colleagues wanting to give them a send off/leaving do......whatever.

They have usually been in restaurants and you choose to go or not - I don't actually know if it was the Mum, or other work colleagues who arranged them - I went anyway because it was another opportunity to have fun with my work colleagues, I suppose.

I think if you want one, just have one. If you're not that bothered, then don't. I don't think it makes any difference to gifts - work colleagues often club together - and that's what happened with the ones I went to - there wasn't an additional gift after the baby was born.

Alternatively, if you're superstitious and want to wait until the baby has safely arrived, then have a party/christening/naming ceremony then

They're almost universally hated by anyone invited to them. Don't fall for it.

Luncheon sounds the opposite of casual.