Baby showers

[rosedahlialily]

First time Mum here, I don’t know where to start with my baby shower.
it seems that everyone is having big, extravagant get togethers but I don’t know the etiquette behind it all.

Does the mum organise everything or friends or family? Does the mum foot the bill for everyone, or is everyone expected to contribute (ie. If it’s at a restaurant)

I had a big beautiful wedding so feel cheeky asking people to turn out for me for a baby shower as well; but seems like everyone does this and it’s really typical now ?
I don’t want to miss out as it’s my first baby

I didn’t bother but I’ve been to a few. There’s been ones at home or in a villiage hall with a buffet and games . No cost to attendees. And I’ve been to a few cream tea style ones in a cafe or restaurant where we covered our costs and the mum to be. Usually a sister/mum/best friend organises it.

Everybody does not hate baby showers (or weddings/hen parties/christenings!) I love baby showers.

I’ve been to one where the parents footed the bill. The rest mostly ‘afternoon tea’ style at a venue and we all paid for ourselves.

Both mine I had at home, small buffet and cupcakes. We played a few games and chatted the afternoon away. I organised one with my sister, the other was a surprise.

I prefer small intimate affairs, but do what suits you at the time.

Absolutely loved them all, just don’t invite sour faced folk who will ruin it! 😂

@TheCountofMountingCrispBags

Not everyone drinks alcohol, pregnant or not.

Special occasions are just as special (and even more so) if people don’t drink.

Can you share the reason why you want to have a baby shower?

Could you share the reason you feel the need to be passive aggressive about wanting a baby shower 😂

Good grief, what is wrong with folk!

Well, I think there are a lot of people than prefer to wait for the safe arrival of the baby, before celebrating anything. I'm not sure that means there is something 'wrong with' them.

That might be what you and others want to do, but why berate those who don’t? I don’t think anybody needs to ‘explain themselves’ to those on high horses why they want to celebrate their pregnancy with friends and family?

Me too, especially as my first pregnancy had ended in miscarriage.

I bought very little other than what I really had to before the baby was born. Even then I hid it because I was afraid of jinxing things so the very idea of a baby shower would have filled me with absolute horror.

In our family the women just get together for food, drink and maybe some games at one of our houses. I hosted for my cousin but sometimes the grandma of the baby will host or aunty. Everyone usually brings food and game ideas etc. Mother to be doesn't get involved in the organisation. The men in the family sometimes join after a few hours.

Small gifts might be given but nothing big as it's mainly about getting together to celebrate the mother to be and we are also a superstitious family.

I can’t understand why anyone would have a baby shower. Until your baby is in your arms you can’t be certain you’re even going to have a baby.

Yes, I understand that. That's why I said that I may have exaggerated!

Don't have one. They are annoying and I'd be surprised if people actually enjoy them. Far too American and over the top. What are you even celebrating?? Wait until baby is here and have a religious or welcome to the world celebration

People on Mumsnet hate baby showers with a passion. Anyone that’s had one is grabby and tacky and is jinxing their unborn baby.

Back in the real world lots of people have them and some of us quite enjoy them. OP have you been to any?
In my social circle a baby shower is a get together of a few females in one of their houses with baby shower games (guess the size of the bump and the like). The friends agree an amount we can all afford, usually £10/20 and each of us take charge of something; so one person gets the balloons, the other the sandwiches and another the drinks (soft). It’s seen as a last girlie get together before the baby comes and we have a lovely time. Some people get token/funny gifts but we usually save the gifts for the birth.
Speak to your friends/family and tell them you’d like one.

Everyone on Mumsnet gets very sniffy about baby showers. I've been to plenty in the UK and also Canada. I know some people think that because they are American that there couldn't possibly be etiquette but there absolutely is. First rule of baby showers is you never, ever, ever host your own. A friend or relative does the hosting. Also a baby shower is a one off event for the first baby only, not subsequent babies. There's absolutely no expectation for them to be held in restaurants etc and in fact the nicest ones I have been to have been in the home of the host. It's generally a nice excuse to get together for tea and cakes and play some silly games if you like. Guests can then get you a gift but there should be no obligation, especially because in the UK it is more common for people to give a gift when baby has arrived so that should be respected. The nicest idea I came across is the host requested on behalf of the mother to be that everyone buy a book for the baby so no pricey gifts.

This is the reason I didn’t have a baby shower. I went through a twin pregnancy loss before my son.

However, I wish I didn’t feel this way. I think being excited for your babies arrival is a privilege and a nice thing, I don’t begrudge anyone or find it odd that some people want to have a baby shower. Whilst it’s true that you can never be certain, I wish I celebrated my pregnancy more than I did. Living life with the ifs and buts isn’t the best way, so yes there’s always a possibility of it going wrong but to those that want to and can enjoy a baby shower - do it!!

This is exactly how I feel. It makes me far too uncomfortable.

Having had a few friends and family who have lost babies at birth or very late, the idea of a celebration before the baby is born makes me very uncomfortable.

I have no problem getting a baby a gift once it’s born.

Why would anyone ruin someone else's celebration? Who would turn up and be sour faced?
If that's happened in your experience, that's an incredibly rude thing to do.

I think they are tacky and attention seeking, especially when the hard work hasn’t even started yet.
I also think they can tempt fate and have experienced this. sadly my BF had a baby shower and 1 week later she had a stillbirth which was awful, she had all the balloons still in her living room when she got home which is a vision she keeps reliving. She then had to sort out all the unwanted presents.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but after this I didn’t have one.

I just had immediate family and a few close friends in my parent's garden. They probably spent about £100 in total, on the cake, some buffet type food (you can get part sandwich platters from supermarkets), and decorations. You could shave that figure down easily if someone home bakes a cake. We played some party games.

I was clear gifts weren't expected, I just asked everyone to write a little message or piece of advice for my future daughter. I just wanted a little party to celebrate going on mat leave and celebrate my first baby. Mine was super low key and I loved it.

Never been to one. After an indescribable loss within our family I’ll wait until the baby is here before I celebrate.

Usually someone offers to arrange it for you, friend, mum, sister.

I’ve organised several and don’t hate them but didn’t have for either of my babies.

At their best they’re fun, relaxed gatherings of female friends and relatives with cheap thoughtful gifts, tea and coffee, cake, wishing the mum to be well. At their worst they’re expensive, stressful, competitive, boozy, feature rows, unpleasantness and horror stories about childbirth “organised fun”. After one I went to the mum to be and her mother and a sister had such an ugly row they didn’t speak for years.

If you attend a baby shower and bring a gift, do you ALSO give another gift once baby is born?

I've attended only 2 (UK and abroad) but was never sure if I'm supposed to give 2 gifts or not?

I’ve been to a few and usually give a gift at baby shower and then once babies born I’ll bring wine and chocolate or cupcakes over for the parents. I don’t do 2 baby gifts

I've had two, and been to many more

I’m referring to the sour faced folk on mumsnet intent on telling everybody who whispers the word baby shower that they are tacky, grabby etc.

If somebody wants a baby shower- great good for them.

If they don’t- good for them!

I don’t understand the hate. If you can’t go to a gathering with a gift of £4 bibs and spend time with an expectant mother with a good heart, decline the invite. It really is that simple.