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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby showers

137 replies

rosedahlialily · 17/03/2025 16:35

First time Mum here, I don’t know where to start with my baby shower.
it seems that everyone is having big, extravagant get togethers but I don’t know the etiquette behind it all.

Does the mum organise everything or friends or family? Does the mum foot the bill for everyone, or is everyone expected to contribute (ie. If it’s at a restaurant)

I had a big beautiful wedding so feel cheeky asking people to turn out for me for a baby shower as well; but seems like everyone does this and it’s really typical now ?
I don’t want to miss out as it’s my first baby

OP posts:

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MugsyBalonz · 17/03/2025 16:41

Usually friends and family organise them but they're not compulsory and they do t have to be extravagant.

The way my friends and I did it was that everyone except the mum-to-be chipped in £5-£10 which paid for a gift and some cake/nibbles with games at the house of whichever one of us volunteered to host.

Iknowaboutpopular · 17/03/2025 16:44

You don't have to have one. Will be the response you get on here because baby showers are really scorned round these parts. But i get you, it's your first baby and a lovely thing to be happy about so why not celebrate.

Usually it's your family or friends that might organise one. And don't worry about people feeling you're cheeky, none of your people who love you will actually feel like that.

In terms of organising, the showers I've been to have usually been a contribution thing of £10-20 to cover the food/drinks. Then we all bought our own personal gifts.

ByWildLimeCat · 17/03/2025 16:51

My sister organised mine for me, I didn’t actually ask her too and wasn’t sure I’d have one but she went ahead and did it anyway haha - I’m glad she did though as it was a really lovely day. Nothing extravagant at all, it was just in our local pubs event space.

DenholmElliot11 · 17/03/2025 17:01

Usually a close friend mum or sister organising and decides how to pay. You don’t need to worry.

comfyshoes2022 · 17/03/2025 17:03

In my experience someone else hosts, and the host(s) pay.

Lanzarotelady · 17/03/2025 17:06

They are grabby and tacky - nobody really likes them - do yourself and your friends a favour and say no!

Lanzarotelady · 17/03/2025 17:08

rosedahlialily · 17/03/2025 16:35

First time Mum here, I don’t know where to start with my baby shower.
it seems that everyone is having big, extravagant get togethers but I don’t know the etiquette behind it all.

Does the mum organise everything or friends or family? Does the mum foot the bill for everyone, or is everyone expected to contribute (ie. If it’s at a restaurant)

Miss out on what exactly? Presents? For having sex?

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 17/03/2025 17:13

Sadly, they are an american import, not something particularly special for mother-to-be due to drinking restrictions, while everyone else has a riot!
Ok, I exaggerate, but it's one of those things, along with school proms, that should be consigned back over the sea!

Corinthiana · 17/03/2025 17:18

It's a recent thing in the UK, no such thing when I had mine (born mid 90s). I only knew about them because I saw it on American tv shows!
So I don't know what the etiquette is. Perhaps ask your friends? You don't have to have one, but if you do, make sure people aren't spending too much money.

Corinthiana · 17/03/2025 17:19

rosedahlialily · 17/03/2025 16:35

First time Mum here, I don’t know where to start with my baby shower.
it seems that everyone is having big, extravagant get togethers but I don’t know the etiquette behind it all.

Does the mum organise everything or friends or family? Does the mum foot the bill for everyone, or is everyone expected to contribute (ie. If it’s at a restaurant)

You won't miss out on gifts - people will bring them when the baby's born, in my experience.

Londonrach1 · 17/03/2025 17:23

Don't know a single person that's had one. Think it's an urban tale

Corinthiana · 17/03/2025 17:27

Londonrach1 · 17/03/2025 17:23

Don't know a single person that's had one. Think it's an urban tale

That's a good point. Lots of women at my work have had babies - no baby showers.

CarpetKnees · 17/03/2025 17:27

"Everyone" doesn't, at all, so you won't be "missing out" on anything.

If you want to get together with friends or family before the baby comes, then do it. It doesn't have to be a big 'thing' - just tell people you fancy going to X before the baby is born and let you know by such and such a date if you want to come. Send a link to the menu.

Topseyt123 · 17/03/2025 17:34

I'm glad to say that baby showers weren't a thing back when I was having my three.

I wouldn't have bothered with them anyway and wouldn't have felt I was missing out.

Corinthiana · 17/03/2025 17:35

Topseyt123 · 17/03/2025 17:34

I'm glad to say that baby showers weren't a thing back when I was having my three.

I wouldn't have bothered with them anyway and wouldn't have felt I was missing out.

True. Plus I was always a bit superstitious and only wanted to celebrate when the baby was safely here.

BinWim · 17/03/2025 17:36

Baby showers are naff, most people hate them and just feel they have to cringe and go along with them.

Lanzarotelady · 17/03/2025 17:37

But you will have one won't you OP........

redphonecase · 17/03/2025 17:38

Just don't have one if you don't want one. They are a horrible Americanism which most people here don't do, and it sounds like it's stressing you out......

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 17/03/2025 17:39

Nobody had them when my two were born 20ish years ago. Its a "thing" thats come over from America. Better than a "what is between my childs legs" party I guess (ie gender reveal) but still can easily seem super "give me presents" grabby.

Throwitback · 17/03/2025 17:40

The ones I have been to have been surprises for the mothers, thrown by friends.

I’m superstitious about celebrating/presents before the baby was born, so was very clear with anyone who might throw me one that I didn’t want one!

Corinthiana · 17/03/2025 17:42

Are you having a gender reveal as well? They seem quite popular.

Justified07 · 17/03/2025 17:42

Mumsnet hates baby showers so you won’t get many sensible answers here.

And I say that as someone that didn’t have a baby shower. I don’t feel like I missed out by the way.

TheChosenTwo · 17/03/2025 17:46

i had 3, one for each of my children!
my mum organised and hosted, very low key, sandwiches and cakes for all, a few bottles of fizz (not for me!), some silly games, my sils, sil, few of my girl mates and couple of my mums friends. I requested no presents in advance when my mum suggested a baby shower. A couple of people bought teddies and mil bought be a comfy set of clothes to wear in hospital but other than this there were no presents which suited me perfectly.
Each were a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon and it was just a lovely excuse to get out and see all my favourite people in one go!
You don’t have to have one at all, I’ve been to a few and enjoyed them but then I like my friends and I like celebrating things.

Lanzarotelady · 17/03/2025 17:47

Corinthiana · 17/03/2025 17:42

Are you having a gender reveal as well? They seem quite popular.

That will be another party for SM likes

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 17/03/2025 17:48

Just don't OP. They are grabby and attention seeking nonsense.

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