To hate it when people "help" me with the pram

[willywallaby]

Ugh, just a rant! I get my pram on and off buses every day, I know how to do it. People help me without even asking, all the time. Like I've wheeled the back of it onto the street and someone will take the front and lift it down for me but it's always a surprise and I lose my footing. Quite often they don't put it down gently so baby gets SLAMMED down. Today I had wheeled the back wheels off of the bus, and a man lifted the front end so we were hovering in the air and I didn't know how to continue. So for the first time ever I said please can you put my pram down, I don't need help. And I had to insist a couple of times because he was so confused I didn't want help!

Have you ever heard anyone to recommend to a man to just "flash a big smile" ?

Especially a man who was just put into potentially dangerous situation (see the poster with broken ankle caused by some dimwit lifting her buggy without saying a word first) by the one he should be smiling at?

Imagine being annoyed at people being nice.

Are they really being nice?

If they verbally offered, that would be nice. Just grabbing the buggy and throwing the OP off-balance sounds pretty rude and dangerous.

We are damned if we do, damned if we don’t help. I’m sure within a day there will be someone moaning nobody offers to help anymore

Who's damned anyone for offering help?

My daughter relied on buses with her first baby and she was regularly helped getting off a bus …did people ask for her consent? Have absolutely no idea ,but she certainly never complained about it ! Am sure she was grateful and thanked the strangers for their help .
Shall ask her when I see her later and report back 🙄

Why though? Offering help is fine.

The OP just, totally reasonably, doesn't like people lifting the buggy out of the blue. It's just a basic politeness to communicate with people before joining their ongoing balancing act.

Wow I thought my thread had died yesterday. Interesting how polarising it is! Although part of that might be due to reading comprehension issues, as there are a lot of replies saying they love offers of help, but this thread is explicitly about NOT offering to help!
Yes I like it when people offer to help, yes I'm gracious about it, and yes I'm quick to offer to help people when I can.
Whoever it was a couple pages back who said if someone picking up the pram would throw my footing then I need to see a doctor. Well yes I'm incredibly physically weak, that's partly why this is such a problem. I've worked out how to get my pram on and off the bus by myself without falling over and I can unbalance easily if someone grabs it. See PP who broke her ankle.

There’s a lot of stupid on MN and unfortunately your thread has attracted many of them.

I'd love more people to help me.

The amount of times people have sat/stood and watched me struggle through doorways etc in public is pretty sad.

Yes it is being nice - if so rather live in a world where people make kind gestures and don’t execute them perfectly than never be kind because they’re too afraid to offend snowflake parents and their PFBs. So what if the buggy is put down harder than OP would have liked. Her baby will be fine

Probably because of people like OP being all po faced when people dare be kind!

are you the same poster who complained that people had pointed out she had dropped her phone

I prefer a world where people are helpful towards strangers or try to be

Just nope. There is nothing kind about manipulating strangers buggy without communicating first (unless we talk about preventing imminent danger).

If you don't understand the manners aspect, think about the mechanics involved. One person is balancing with a relatively heavy and bulky object. Someone comes from the other side and unexpectedly moves it in different direction (for example upwards), when the first person can be mid step. Can you see how dangerous it can be?. The buggy put down harder isn't a significant issue on it's own, it's just an illustration how risky the approach is.
And it can be easily prevented if the person "trying to help" used their words.

MANIPULATING

😂😂

Helping a woman with her pram is now being manipulative? Seriously how do you function on the real world? You must have a nervous breakdown every time someone offers to make you a cup of tea

Nonits not dangerous to lend an extra pair of hand when someone is lifting something heavy.

I think I’ve reached peak MN. Helping someone lift a buggy off a bus is dangerous and manipulative

This is why I’d rather turn my back and leave people to struggle. You can’t do right for doing wrong.

Are you sure you are really reading my post?

It is absolutely fine to offer.

"To manipulate" has two meanings, one of them means physically move an object. Yeah, it might be better to phrase it "manipulate with" strangers buggy, but one would hope that the subsequent mention of mechanics clarifies this.

And yes, physically moving a pram when the first person doesn't know about your intention is a creating a potentially dangerous situation. Have you missed the other poster who got her ankle broken that way? Can't you see how throwing someone off balance when they are stepping up/down is just a bad idea from a point of view of pure physics?

Yeah do ignore. If you can't bring yourself to ASK if someone needs your 'help' rather than forcing your 'help' on people, just leave them alone.

👏 Result! No-one wants you helping, without consent - or asking them first anyway!

What a ludicrous over-reaction! 😂

100% this. Why are (some) people not getting this?! Do NOT force your 'help' on people, and then act all butthurt and sniffy when you get a bad reaction from them. As has been said (by some posters,) when you are moving/ maneuvering a pushchair, or have a heavy bag or something, and someone tries grabbing it, it destabilises you, and can result in you toppling over, and hurting yourself (and the baby/toddler in the pushchair if it's a pushchair.)

If you do feel the need to 'help' then ASK if someone needs the help!

If the op isn’t southern I will eat my hat

I’m southern and I appreciate offers of help I also like to help wherever I can!

I agree though that the further north you venture, the friendlier people get.

The OP doesn't have any problem with offers of help, why would she?

She just doesn't appreciate people randomly moving her buggy without at least warning her while she is getting on/off with it.

Where exactly did I mention the OP in that comment? 🧐