To hate it when people "help" me with the pram

[willywallaby]

Ugh, just a rant! I get my pram on and off buses every day, I know how to do it. People help me without even asking, all the time. Like I've wheeled the back of it onto the street and someone will take the front and lift it down for me but it's always a surprise and I lose my footing. Quite often they don't put it down gently so baby gets SLAMMED down. Today I had wheeled the back wheels off of the bus, and a man lifted the front end so we were hovering in the air and I didn't know how to continue. So for the first time ever I said please can you put my pram down, I don't need help. And I had to insist a couple of times because he was so confused I didn't want help!

Just say, thank you for your help but I can do this.
Simple really.

What is the matter with you??

Do you also get worked up when you drop something and someone points it out to you?

This.

Some of these replies are OTT, this doesn't make you miserable to not want someone to help you with something you've not asked for help with. Not sure why we're always meant to be grateful for things we haven't asked for.

And yes you're right, some people do slam the buggy after they've picked it up, people think they have done the helping by lifting and then sort of drop it and walk off. One time someone did this while helping me off the train (I had asked for help, so I was grateful for it) and my baby started crying and the person was like 'oh sorry I forgot there was an actual baby in this' 😂

Completely agree with you OP. I recently saw someone look like they were struggling so I asked “do you want me to help?” and they replied “yes I was about to ask if you wouldn’t mind!”. I’m autistic but would never dream of just grabbing someone’s pram!

It wasn't so long ago that buses didn't have level access. There was a huge step down to the kerb, it was a massive pain in the arse to get a buggy on and off, and it was seen as a helpful thing to do, to get the other end to help someone. Could you alter your thinking and see it as a kind thing, with good intention rather than people trying to ruin your day and upset your baby? Easier all round, sometimes, a little attitude tweak, and that is within your control.

WOW you are getting a hard time on here @willywallaby I don't know why. You are entitled to not want people touching your baby's pram/pushchair and forcing unsolicited 'help' on you. People should ask if you need help, not just force it on you!

I was pulling a suitcase on wheels from the train station to the bus stop once, and a man GRABBED it off me, and said 'that is far too heavy for a lady to pull!' I was 30-something, not 103! I said 'excuse me, give that back to me.' He said 'don't be silly, I will take it where you want, where are you going?' I GRABBED it back, and glared at him.' He was like 'WOAH!' I just thought 'seriously mate, really?!'

And also one time several years ago, I was walking through a large churchyard as a shortcut to meet my friend, and 3 blokes shouted to me that my backpack was half open, and one of them ran up to me, and started to yank it off my back, to 'zip it up for me.' I pushed him away, and said 'stop it please! I can fasten it myself!' He was like I thought 'just fuck off, I don't need you pulling my backpack off me.' For all I know he might have run off with it.

As it happened, when I checked (after I left the churchyard, it wasn't open after all! (Well, maybe 3" open - that's it!)

Unless I ask for 'help' just fuck off please. Same as people offering me lifts when I'm on a walk trying to get my steps up, and when I politely decline, they're like ... Like I just shit in their mouth or something.

YANBU and have done nothing wrong @willywallaby . Don't take the responses on here to heart. Some people just love to bash and berate!!! There are some ridiculous OTT responses to you on this thread, and bloody rude. The irony! 😆

They want her to move from their way. They want to help themselves.
It's not ok

There may come a time when you need that sort of help and it won't be there

I doubt it.

I mean the people on this thread are confusing those two things, not the people doing the helping.

A number of comments along the lines of 'there's nothing wrong with people offering to help' when OP specifically talks about people just grabbing without offering/asking.

What about saying "Thank you but I've managed to perfect doing it on my own....could you just pop that end back down"

It was always nice to be asked but I also found it easier getting on and off buses and trains by myself. I would find it a little irritating when someone just picked the pram up, especially on trains when there is a gap and someone holding changed the weight so I found it more difficult to judge the distance etc (I have dyspraxia). Someone picked up the pram when dd was about 3 weeks old, she was in a bassinet and they lifted the pram so high i thought she was going to topple out so I snapped at the person to put it down.

Of course, when I actually needed help from someone (like a train station with no step free access) no one offers to help.....

I appreciate people are trying to help but just ask first rather than assume.

I do know where you’re coming from OP. It’s the asking. I was travelling with some heavy items and someone decided to pick up one side without asking me going up some steps and I nearly fell over with the items landing on top of me because I was unbalanced without warning. If they’d asked I would have been prepared!

Before or after door shuts on your baby?
Before or after you fall on your bum because you lost your balance?

I think "I've managed to perfect doing it on my own" sounds more twatty than what I said

I'm with you, OP. The number of times men grabbed one front wheel of the pushchair and lifted it, only to find it was heavier than they thought and went completely sideways is scary. Before someone attacks me for saying "men", women tend to ask, and if they do lift the pram they lift both sides together because they don't assume they're super strong.

There are times I have been really grateful for help with the buggy. But it costs nothing to ask first rather than just lifting part of a heavy buggy whilst I am invariably lifting another part of it. Sends everything off balance and is often dangerous.

I was once invited into someone's house with my sleeping twins in their massive buggy. There was enough space, and I carefully pushed it into their hallway. When it came to leave, the man of the house insisted on pushing the pram outside "for me" and bashed furniture and broke ornaments along the way. It was cringingly embarrassing, because it just wouldn't have happened if he hadn't taken over even as I was saying to let me do it.

Unhelpful help isn't help.

YABU. I wish people offered to help me more.

Unless you were exiting the lift at Blackpool Tower, I don't imagine it's the problem you think it is.

People are just trying to help and it would be nice if there was more of that.

That said, sometimes that help is either unwanted/unneeded or occasionally just downright patronising.

It's fine to say "actually, I can manage thanks", and that can be the end of it.

I'm sure OP realises people are trying to help. But it's backfiring, isn't it, so why should she put up with it?

My MiL used to insist it was a man's job to put up and later collapse the pushchair, (God know why as her son never did it) so I had to stand watching as FiL struggled, because he had no idea how to do it.

All you can do is say in a clear, firm voice 'that's very kind of you but I don't need any help'.

Looks like there's lots of posters on this thread out there randomly grabbing prams without asking!
Probably the same people pushing wheelchairs unasked too.

Personally I've never felt the need to grab anyone without asking, very odd behaviour.

Threads not about offering help though, is it? I'm sure everyone would appreciate being offered help.

Well it's not very nice for the baby is it. I personally try to give him a soft landing wherever possible.