To hate it when people "help" me with the pram

[willywallaby]

Ugh, just a rant! I get my pram on and off buses every day, I know how to do it. People help me without even asking, all the time. Like I've wheeled the back of it onto the street and someone will take the front and lift it down for me but it's always a surprise and I lose my footing. Quite often they don't put it down gently so baby gets SLAMMED down. Today I had wheeled the back wheels off of the bus, and a man lifted the front end so we were hovering in the air and I didn't know how to continue. So for the first time ever I said please can you put my pram down, I don't need help. And I had to insist a couple of times because he was so confused I didn't want help!

I have a double pram ( two under two). I am always grateful for help but in my experience, both men and women have offered / insisted on helping before grabbing the pram.

I understand why you might be annoyed, perhaps, simply say "that's very kind, but I can manage fine, thank you!"

I was at a train station 20 years ago no lift at all only stairs with my son in a pram baby bag stuck in the school rush.
Not one helped me but a couple of school lads and carried the pram with my son in it up and over the other side to the platform.
Same group of lads got off at the same stop as me and took my buggy over the next set of stairs no fuss at all my son loved it he was 12 months old at the time.
I was very grateful.

But did they ask if to need help or just take over? That's the point here

Yes they asked if id like a hand.
I forgot to add that to my comment I do understand the point sorry.

Well have a strop if it makes you feel better, but it takes a few seconds to ask if someone wants help. I've had people lift the front suddenly whilst I've still got the back wheels up and it makes it heavier and nearly toppled me. I knew what I was doing, I didn't want help. Conversely I've had people ask and I've been utterly grateful, and I've asked people. I've held babies and helped lift pushchairs.

People always ask me would you like some help. I always say yes please!!!!

This thread is bonkers.

It is incredibly rude to start manipulating with your baby (even if in a buggy) without agreement.
And it doesn't have to be anything big, the agreement can even be nonverbal, but some kind of communication/acknowledgement is a key.

As for posters recommending a big smile, wtf? Women don't owe you a smile.

I’d always offer to help someone lift a pram where there are steps, but would offer, not just do it, saves anyone getting upset, not that often people say no

I don't know why there are so many flippant replies. This is a serious issue.

I agree with you. I’ve offered to help many a time, but I wouldn’t dream of just taking it upon myself to pick up a pram without asking. For exactly the reasons you mentioned - I wouldn’t want to be responsible for taking the pram-operator by surprise and my actions having unintended consequences.

I am on my 70s and long past taking prams on buses, but I can see how someone lifting the other end of a pram, when you are lifting your end to keep it level, would be dangerous if you weren't forwarned! Not really helpful, it's a bit like helping an old lady cross the road, when she doesn't want to cross🤣

100% this!
What an awful attitude you have OP!

Why should she "flash a big smile" when the other side isn't polite enough to communicate before grabbing the buggy?

I agree people should ask first. But I think you would be so quick to complain if no one offered to help.

I don't offer to help because of people like you, but then people just yell that I didn't offer to help them. You can't win.

This level of individualism is worrying.

I had a huge pram and could manage up and down pavement steps but struggled if 3 or 4 steps. Usually DH was there to do it but very occasionally if I was somewhere with more than 1 step someone would offer to help I was always very grateful if people offered to help.

I think people are trying to be kind but they lack manners in not asking if you need help first. When you see someone coming for your pram just say "no, I got this, thanks" and a smile.

This never happened to me and I take the bus daily with 4 kids. Maybe you look like you are struggling?

If you lose your footing with the shock of someone lifting your pram, you need to see a doctor.

It's like you see an elderly person struggling; you wouldn't dare to just grab their groceries/ wheelchair or whatever but you ask if they need help. 50% of the time they don't because they want to be independant and it would be rude to force help upon them. Sale with prams or any other situation.

Instead of "please can you put my pram down, I don't need help", maybe as soon as you see somebody coming forward to help without asking, say "Oh, that's okay thank you, I think I'll manage better on my own. But thank you.".

Because of this, I had my pram nearly fall off the bus trying to disembark. The people waiting at the stop just watched me struggle and gasped when the pushchair tipped. I aged inside about a century but managed to get it stabilised, then one of the waiting people said, "You should be more careful next time". I was already to wallop him, what with the adrenaline charging round my system, and only didn't because I thought he had learning difficulties.

It's so much nicer if people do help, if you don't want them to just say "I've got it thanks" or similar.

This is why everyone misses out on random acts of kindness. A few days ago a poster was really pissed off because someone pointed out to her that she'd dropped her purse (she already knew), now this one doesn't want help with her pram...
Well if you're trying to negotiate a flight of steps/an escalator or any other drop-based street furniture, let's hope everyone has read the memo and doesn't piss tyou off by offering to help.
Maybe MN towers could create a 'sod off I do NOT need help' lanyard to help those poor fools who think that helping is a nice thing to do...

Everyone is grateful for an offer of help so no reason to stop offering.

Randomly grabbing other people's prams I'd weird and unnecessary though.

I've had people suddenly try to 'help' me put my baby on my back by grabbing the sling which is even worse and really dangerous.