To think not many MN posters would make good counsellors?

[NovemberMorn]

Some of the advice given by posters is understanding, intelligent, and helpful, concentrating on the OP's problem and sharing words of wisdom.

Others tend to talk down and judge...a lot.

So, if I were to vote, I would err on the side of...don't give up your day job.

I was referring to the personal attack in your post.

Yes I know.

It's a public Internet forum that provides fodder for the tabloid press. People need to realise that.

If they want a therapist then they should seek one out.

Yes, but as in my pp, that's not obvious until you've learned it, sometimes the very hard way.
Also, that's only part of the picture. Personally, I have zero interest in trampling on people's vulnerabilities, or indeed reading troll posts; it's not just an entertainment for me.
I' m interested in the genuine posts and what I can learn from them. Unfortunately, I have to read a lot of quite unpleasant stuff in order to do that.

It’s not always easy to tell the difference though, which I think is why people have become a bit jaded.

There have been multiple threads over the years which MN have sworn are genuine but that have turned out to be total bollocks.

Thank you. At last, I feel understood.❤

😁

Thanks for your contribution, it was very helpful.

Exactly this. An assumption that 90 percent of it is bs seems a good starting point.

I love your take on this, I agree 100%.
If a cry for help post doesn't seem genuine to me I will just ignore it.
If it does seem genuine, and the OP has asked for advice or info, I will try to help if I can...as do many others.
What I see often is women (presumably) coming in and mob handedly grinding the OP down, it's very unpleasant to see, and says a lot more about them than the person asking for help or advice.

See this is pretty much the problem. Posters share a fairly vulnerable problem, and replies charge in immediately accusing them of lying, of leaving out information that would make them the bad guy, of just wanting validation, etc. It's super aggressive and puts the person on the defensive, which the aggressive replier then uses as validation. It's boring and frustrating to read even though the replier feels sanctimonious and "gotcha".

In reality about 1 in 10 posts or less are as you describe. But aggro mumsnetters accuse, like your assumption, "most posters" of it.

I’m not saying posters aren’t genuine or looking for help - but I am saying they often want validation and sympathy rather than disagreements.

So when a poster doesn’t respond in the way they hoped, they get defensive, forgetting that this is a public discussion forum and not somewhere where they get to dictate the responses they get.

100%. Couldn't agree more.

People jump on people, jump to conclusions-you'll leave something out of the OP because you think it is irrelevant but it comes up then you're accused of drip feeding. One time this happened to me, I'd posted about something DP had said that I found unreasonable- and said I would always be with DP when they did a certain activity that was relevant-and everyone told me how I was imposing on DP and maybe DP was sick of me following them about. .. I later explained that DP had decided to do this thing on the only day we saw one another so I had to be there or not see DP-Oh my god I was jumped on for not specifying this-but I hadn't expected people to say how imposing and clingy I was.

Or you'll change a slight detail to not be too blatantly who you are to anyone who knows you and they'll rummage through your old posts 'Hang on you said your child was boy and he was a girl last week' or 'OP you said you work nights but now It's mornings' (maybe I changed my shifts?!) etc etc.

I described an upsetting situation once and everyone decided that once this situation had happened, I'd 'stormed off' and 'left huffing'-I hadn't and had said nothing of the sort. Just one poster said I had so everyone followed suit.

I've also posted a detail (for example, not this but similar, a certain type of job I do) and everyone in essence decided I was a scumbag who didn't deserve any help. Posted including this detail, about a different situation some time later and everyone was very sympathetic and nice to me!

Minefield if I ever experienced one.

I agree, that applies to me. Much better at my day job.
I don’t have the patience to be a counsellor/therapist all day and all week.

If people don't have the patience to reply to a poster who is asking for help, they should simply move on to another thread...just my opinion of course, I'm sure the odd troll wouldn't agree.

Unfortunately the internet doesn’t work like that!

Sadly, that is true.

Vote finished, and for once, I am NOT being unreasonable.
Thank you all.😃