To think not many MN posters would make good counsellors?

[NovemberMorn]

Some of the advice given by posters is understanding, intelligent, and helpful, concentrating on the OP's problem and sharing words of wisdom.

Others tend to talk down and judge...a lot.

So, if I were to vote, I would err on the side of...don't give up your day job.

This is weird. Is anyone on here trying to become a counsellor? It's a discussion forum, not a 'practice being a counsellor' (or indeed any other career or skill) forum?

Start a thread saying 'Most people on here wouldn't make great cleaners/actuaries/carpenters/jockeys'-it'd be just as valid. Nobody on here comes on to counsel anyone, counsellors included (and for what It's worth, I am a qualified counsellor).

If you mean 'Most people on here don't talk to people wanting advice, in a very nice way' then fair enough.

I suspect most people are on here because it passes the time and is vaguely entertaining. It's also something you can pick up/drop whenever the mood takes you.

MN is not a serious forum for serious queries - it's primarily an entertainment website. Some people may use it to ask for/offer advice but that doesn't mean every user has to conform to that standard.

I'm also not one for platitudes and "there theres" - it doesn't help and generally just comes across as patronising and infantalising.

I’ve seen a few people claiming to be counsellors when they offer advice.

People can claim all sorts of things on an anonymous forum, doesn’t mean they are what they say they are. Not all counsellors/therapists are good at what they do and everyone can have an off day or a blind spot.

Im not sure what you expect from a huge group of people, mostly women, with very varied values and life experiences.

I agree. I was answering the poster who said people were fools if they came here for help and advice.

I think it's precisely because we're women that we're expected to be nice and kind and considerate in our answers, tbh.

This is the same as hysterical posters saying things like “the thought of you all sitting on a jury is horrifying” said on a now deleted thread earlier today. It’s just ridiculous. What people say on here is not reflective of how they would be in real life.

Hopefully they are not claiming to be acting as counsellors. Even if like me they are qualified they should not be treating fellow Mumsnetters as clients.

I possibly could.
My scone attempts are often mistaken for rock cakes, I can share the recipe if you like.

Unfortunately yes, this 🙌🏻

Oh I don't know, I'm a cold-hearted foul-mouthed psychopath in real life too!

Ditto.

Really, in the first few posts of this new thread we have had a therapist, a counsellor and a psychotherapist answering.😂

Yes, presumably because of the question you specifically asked.

Ahhh, that'll be it then.😂

Yes. Also people aren’t coming on here for therapy. Quite often what they clearly need is tough love, a brisk talking to, or to be laughed out of something. Or told their boyfriend is an irredeemable wanker. None of which generally feature in a therapist’s professional toolkit.

That’s a bit unkind. So many people are isolated or for some other reason don’t feel able to ask for RL advice so come here to ask strangers. Does that make them a fool? Or vulnerable? Or desperate to share their problems?

. Most people here are kind and most or many give decent advice but some are just horrible and happy to kick someone when they’re down.

However counsellors aren’t trained to give advice, quite the reverse so asking for advice on MN is entirely different from seeing a counsellor.

^this all day long.

They're incomparable.

I've read your replies on many posts and I can honestly say you'd definitely never make a counsellor!

Is that meant to be offensive?

I'm not trying to be a counsellor nor do I have any interest in being one.

The only suggestions they would have are LTB, loop ear plugs, a hearing test or counselling. With another counsellor, that is.

You forgot logging it with 101

I get your point, but I think that OP was trying to make the point that some posters lack a sense of empathy/ability to see things from other people's POV.

Well, of course most of us wouldn’t make good counsellors. But so what? Nobody’s claiming they’re a counsellor and I doubt most of us would ever want to be one. Most of the general population wouldn’t make good counsellors either so of course that’s going to be the same among MN users.

Mumsnet isn’t therapy. If people want a response that’s akin to professional counselling they need to find a counsellor and pay for it.

Counselling is a highly trained, professional job which takes years of training and a very specific personality type. Counsellors with clients are being paid to provide a professional service. It requires quite a bit of restraint; you can't give someone your opinion or get emotionally involved. It's easy to get burned out or compassion fatigue, hence why counsellors set very firm boundaries including never sharing any personal details, ending a 50 minute session after exactly 50 minutes, and not engaging with clients outside of work.

You couldn't act like a counsellor all the time and people wouldn't like you much if you did.

That's why counselling costs £70 an hour and Mumsnet is free.

True (and I think the OP is right 😁 ) but that has the flip-side that a lot of OPs aren't looking for counselling, balanced perspective, or even genuine advice, they want to be agreed with, so you get the threads that go

"Am I being unreasonable?'
Yes x 20
"But! I feel hard done by! And here's a completely unrelated piece of backstory"
YABU X 30
"I disagree! I'm very reasonable"
YABU and not listening x 50
"I'm going to ask for this to be deleted, you're clearly all (something)ist"

They don't want counselling because that requires reflection, self-examination and honesty as well as encouraging you to see the perspectives of others involved.