To think not many MN posters would make good counsellors?

[NovemberMorn]

Some of the advice given by posters is understanding, intelligent, and helpful, concentrating on the OP's problem and sharing words of wisdom.

Others tend to talk down and judge...a lot.

So, if I were to vote, I would err on the side of...don't give up your day job.

Advice is (sometimes, not always) what’s being sought by posters on here, but it’s not what therapists/counsellors are offering!

Most posters don’t actually want advice - they want validation or an argument.

I’m a debt counsellor so I can offer specifics on that as to what I’ve worked with clients on but always say that every situation is individual so you need to get specific advice. I’ve been involved in grief counselling too in the past but that is far more about listening combined with sign posting to specific things that could help the individual but even then it’s just a suggestion eg i would give details of support groups, programmes etc. I can also say to a client that x helped another person (anonymously of course) but it is their decision as to whether it’s right for them. I’m no longer involved in that anymore as I found the majority of people seeking help had complex underlying mental health conditions which had nothing to do with the bereavement and I’m not a psychiatrist or PhD in psychology so it’s way above my ability, I don’t want to make things worse! Debt counselling is more contained i suppose

I'm reading the OP differently from the majority. I don't think the question is about counsellors but about whether good advice is generally given on Mumsnet.
IMO there is some really thoughtful, informed and helpful advice but it's the minority.
Some responders seem to write nasty responses to posters' genuine difficulties as a form of entertainment.
Perhaps it's because they don't take the questions seriously?
Honestly, I do find it shocking, as they home in on the OPs' vulnerabilities.
Many of the questions are clearly genuine and written because the poster admits to having no-one to share their difficulty with.
I suspect many posters regret posting and may suffer real psychological harm.
Have there ever been any AIBU posts about posters suffering harm from posting?

This is often true but not always IMO. I worry about the (possibly naive) posters who really do want advice and have no one else to turn to.

That’s why I said most and not all…

I do think you have to be incredibly naive to come on a forum like this and think you’re going to get genuine, professional advice though. This is a website that’s constantly in the tabloids and that’s full of trolls and fake drama.

For the vast majority it’s just entertainment and a way of passing the time.

Well yes, but that's you speaking with the voice of experience. Of course, that's partly dependent on age.
I'm sure we could all cringe to remember the hopeless naivety of something we did when younger ( or even recently🙈).
The fact is that the world does contain the naive, the desperate and the malicious and it's not nice when th come together as they occasionally do on Mumsnet.

Speak for yourself. Not everyone feels the need to put on an act.

I don't think the OP was saying that.
I think she possibly meant some people don't have much empathy for others who may ask for help or advice.
I agree. The times I have seen posters jump in to encourage a wife to leave her husband because she has encountered a problem with him is laughable.

I think it’s quite rare for threads to turn genuinely nasty though.

What does happen is that people post expecting sympathy or validation and then when they don’t get it, they turn snappy and get rude with people who then respond in kind.

Totally agree - I’ve seen several threads be derailed and become a total bitchfest, including one of my own when I was in a really dark place. Just horrific.

Some people really misunderstand what counsellors / therapists do and while there will undoubtedly be bad ones there are also excellent ones. However those people will get paid for their expertise and probably come to MN to zone out and share cat pics!

I don't know why counsellors get dragged into this thread really as it seems to mostly be a random reflection about MN posters being a bit blunt!

So fucking what?

A counsellor is someone you open up and talk to about anything in your life , usually without judgement.
There is seldom anyone else you can do that to ime. So possibly people could learn to listen like that even without quals.

What is perma arse mode and can you give an example?

A public forum open to anyone probably isn’t the best place to go when you’re in a really dark place, though.

It probably means they disagree with the OP 🤣

I’ve noticed that more and more lately - anyone who gives an alternative view is roundly shouted down and even bullied off a thread.

It’s like certain posters can’t handle an opinion that doesn’t directly align with theirs.

I can't help thinking of the mob that used to gather to watch executions. Perhaps a little bit of an exaggeration! But only a bit. I think it's the herd instinct, often in response to vulnerability in OP.

I’ve seen lots of threads where the OP gets tonnes of support and encouragement too, though. It’s not all abuse and nastiness.

I wonder if people are a bit jaded - there have been so many threads from journalists and trolls that lots of people don’t really take it seriously.

I agree with this. It's horrible to watch the pile on.

There are stacks of us on here! But to answer your first point, yes there is some terrible, advice handed out on MN, and also some really helpful and thoughtful stuff. OPs have to be choosy in what they take seriously.

Personal attacks are pretty unpleasant.

They are, aren't they?

Hahaha I wonder if counsellors say as much as Mumsnetters do, "are you always so insert cutting putdown here?"