To think not many MN posters would make good counsellors?

[NovemberMorn]

Some of the advice given by posters is understanding, intelligent, and helpful, concentrating on the OP's problem and sharing words of wisdom.

Others tend to talk down and judge...a lot.

So, if I were to vote, I would err on the side of...don't give up your day job.

See I find this a bit odd, it’s perhaps because some jobs are more about your personality than about your skills. Counselling is one of those. If someone has a ‘work persona’ I guess that’s fair enough, but it is strange!

I agree with this. I think it's a very small minority of people who are actually looking for genuine help and advice.

Most are either on the wind up, looking for an argument or looking for validation. They don't actually want to be disagreed with or to hear an alternative view.

hahaha very fair point!

Being a good counsellor is not about giving advice.

I'm trying to imagine just how quickly someone could fuck up their life if they expected themselves to apply unconditional positive regard to everyone they came across.

See I find this a bit odd, it’s perhaps because some jobs are more about your personality than about your skills.

Being a counsellor isn’t about your personality though. Yes it helps if you’re boundaried and measured, but offering empathy as a counsellor is very skilled - and different to being kind, or compassionate in the way you would to a friend.

I don't think a counsellor could possibly act the same in their personal life as they do when they're in "work mode". They'd piss people off for starters!

They’d also burn out very quickly, and have very odd friendships. Counselling is a paid for, professional relationship with very clear boundaries - it’s not a paid for friendship.

Exactly. It would be really odd if people were posting on here and acting like counsellors too, IMO.

I don’t think counselling is any more ‘about your personality’ than many other jobs. Are you labouring under the delusion that counsellors are just terribly nice people who sit there nodding sympathetically and saying ‘There, there’?

So op you honestly think MN could ever be the same as having an actual counsellor, seriously? That is worrying

Just suggests someone who doesn’t understand counselling isn’t some kind of paid-for ‘advice from a friend’.

I would like to think most counsellors go into their profession to help people and therefore are fairly decent as people go. But maybe it is just to make money and any outward appearance of niceness is a facade. Perhaps it doesn’t matter, except it does because a big part of counselling is trust and if I can’t trust that the person I’m speaking to is inherently decent then counselling won’t work.

I generally like to think that most people are decent, regardless of their profession.

But how people present themselves at work is always going to be different to how they present themselves in their personal lives.

I do understand that, and I don’t expect anyone to be a saint. I suppose for me the difference is that counsellors seem to put a lot of emphasis on being a changed person as a result of therapy, that to be able to set that aside and speak abruptly to someone seeking advice wouldn’t sit well with me. In the same way that I teach English; I couldn’t make SPAG errors even when not teaching it because - well, because I just instinctively spell and use grammar correctly. I think I’d see counsellors and how they speak to and relate to people similarly.

Very true i told my last one to piss off.

But you can be a good person and still have bad days, or give bad advice, or not be your best self when you’re just chatting on an online forum.

I mean, I wouldn’t describe my job as being professional, but I still speak to my clients very differently to how I speak on here or to my family. I just go into work mode without even thinking about it.

Why, out of interest? 🤣

I do understand that. Anyone can have a bad day. But have to admit some counsellors on here seem to be in perma arse mode, which isn’t particularly encouraging!

She wanted to talk about the past my childhood how i grow up.
I was not there for that i was there because of a fear that had nothing to do with my past or how i grow up.
But she would not let it go so i told her i would deal with it myself please piss off.
I broke to ribs and smashed the left side of my face in had a fear it would happen again if i ever went out i was becoming agoraphobic this happened when i was 28.
Someone said talk to a counsellor never again.
I recovered on my own.

Anyone can say they’re a counsellor on here though - I wouldn’t necessarily believe it 😉

I suppose for me the difference is that counsellors seem to put a lot of emphasis on being a changed person as a result of therapy, that to be able to set that aside and speak abruptly to someone seeking advice wouldn’t sit well with me

It’s unrealistic to expect anyone to always be at their best. Counsellors are people too, they have their own problems, issues and biases, they make judgements like everyone else does. They’re trained to understand better what their issues are, but they’ll still have issues. They can be abrupt when their own buttons are pushed, can loose patience and be as arsed as the next person. Why on earth wouldn’t they be.

They are paid to offer a particular service to their clients, that doesn’t mean they don’t genuinely care about their clients but the client only see one part of their counsellor, the part that is a paid professional. They (hopefully) don’t see the counsellors own fear and worries, the things that keep them up at night, in the same way as they don’t see the friend, parent, or lover parts. The paid professional part has no place on mumsnet.

You’re not understanding purpose of therapy — it has little or nothing to do with giving ‘advice’.

Thank goodness mumsnet is not full of counsellors! How boring it would be. Instead you get a diverse selection of people’s opinions. Or their similar experiences. Counsellors are very non commital and never say what they really think.
If you want to actively work through some mental health stuff speak to a counsellor, if you want to know what a range of people really think, without a social filter, use mumsnet.

I think the people who give the best advice are the ones that have had a lot of life experience.
It's obvious from a lot of the responses on here that there is little first hand knowledge.
I personally wouldn't ask for advice on here, but l am aware others can find it helpful.