Confidence on the floor after ex left for somebody else

Greenhouselover · 2025-03-16T10:58:21+00:00

I always thought my ex and I would be together forever. Our relationship went downhill massively after kids, he was working late and ramped up the hobbies and nights out and I was so lonely. Anyway, after I said I was done he left easily, within weeks he was with somebody else and it has completely knocked my confidence, I don’t want him back, I really don’t, but was I just so disposable? He seems really happy which is good and it’s a shame I couldn’t make him happy as he avoided us at all costs.

LivelyMintViper · 16/03/2025 10:59

Nothing useful to add but sending hugs xx

Soonenough · 16/03/2025 11:10

Men are rarely any good at being alone. He is happy as he has been able to skip out of any responsibilities. You can bet he is on his best behaviour and love bombing his new woman. It may not last too long if he reverts to his usual selfish self . I know it has been said so often but it is not you it is him . There is a deep flaw in his psyche that allows him to justify being so uncaring . It does knock your confidence though , makes you feel rejected and it is a horrible feeling. Just try and get all you are entitled to and eventually you will see how you are better off without him .

BarneyRonson · 16/03/2025 11:14

His immediate new relationship is about him, not about you. In the kindest possible way, it shows you him, it doesn’t show anything about you.

Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 11:14

Soonenough · 16/03/2025 11:10

Men are rarely any good at being alone. He is happy as he has been able to skip out of any responsibilities. You can bet he is on his best behaviour and love bombing his new woman. It may not last too long if he reverts to his usual selfish self . I know it has been said so often but it is not you it is him . There is a deep flaw in his psyche that allows him to justify being so uncaring . It does knock your confidence though , makes you feel rejected and it is a horrible feeling. Just try and get all you are entitled to and eventually you will see how you are better off without him .

I just feel like I have a constant knot in my stomach as I loved him so much and we have 2 beautiful children together, I just wanted him to realise what he was going to lose but I don’t think he was too bothered.

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Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 11:15

I questioned his relationship on numerous occasions and he always said to me she was just a friend and she was nothing compared to me, obviously not.

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Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 11:36

He said he grieved our relationship for a year or so before I ended it but I was blindsided

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Imbusytodaysorry · 16/03/2025 11:42

@Greenhouselover do you really think he will
have changed in a few weeks ?
He may appear happy but she will soon see the real him she will get rid of him or be miserable too.
Or he will get bored .

Try focus your on the peace you have at home now . Do you want to change the bedroom ?
Sone time to meet friends the gym , out walking ? Work on your self esteem things that make you feel better . As much self care as you can with kids.
He hasn’t changed overnight it’s all fake .

imfae · 16/03/2025 12:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

HomeBodyClub · 16/03/2025 12:11

He is nothing but a selfish cunt.

Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 12:32

Maybe he was just ready to move on and I put my all into trying to fix it with no reciprocation. I just feel so heartbroken, can’t sleep eat etc.

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SilkSquare · 16/03/2025 13:10

Are you married to him? If so, he will find that it won't be that easy to walk off into a golden future. This is a legal situation and he will have many legal things to deal with: fancy "romantic" language like he was grieving for the relationship before it ended won't cut any mustard or butter any parsnips.

If not, did he ever want to marry you or were you the one who didn't want marriage?

If the former, then he was telling you what he felt about you loud and clear from the start.

If it was the latter, then it has made it so much easier for him to walk away from you.

Be prepared now for him to marry quickly and for you and your children to be relegated to the status of a practice run.

It is very very painful and it will become more painful but one day, that pain will start to ease and you will regain confidence in yourself. Right now that feels as if it will never happen but it does and it will.

pikkumyy77 · 16/03/2025 13:15

Soonenough · 16/03/2025 11:10

Men are rarely any good at being alone. He is happy as he has been able to skip out of any responsibilities. You can bet he is on his best behaviour and love bombing his new woman. It may not last too long if he reverts to his usual selfish self . I know it has been said so often but it is not you it is him . There is a deep flaw in his psyche that allows him to justify being so uncaring . It does knock your confidence though , makes you feel rejected and it is a horrible feeling. Just try and get all you are entitled to and eventually you will see how you are better off without him .

This is exactly right.

Its not that you, OP, the quintessential you “were so disposable “ as that he was so shallow rooted in his own life. Imagine that you are a powerful tree—tall and strong and home and shelter to many small beings. He was just an opportunistic vine ir bird that took temporary shelter with you. The lifetime if such a creature, their viewpoint, their goals are different from that if the tree. They easily reatrach to another host. Not because you aren’t wonderful but because they gave the shallowest attachment

Mummaonherown · 16/03/2025 13:28

My situation was/is very similar my ex was cheating on me and telling me everything was fine/all in my head - he eventually left for someone else when I tried to make it work.
I was at rock bottom, I'm over him but I don't think I'll ever be over how brutal it was, it changed me as a person.

This is about HIM not you, I know it's hard, but every day is a step closer to healing.
I had therapy which did help, and I tried to eat well (my appetite wasn't great) but every time I looked at my son I knew I didn't have a choice I had to carry on and build a new life for us both.

It's been months, and I'm starting to see the other side, soon you will too - take each day as it comes and focus on your children.
You've got this and I can ensure you, you'll come through the other side stronger than before.

Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 14:03

Mummaonherown · 16/03/2025 13:28

My situation was/is very similar my ex was cheating on me and telling me everything was fine/all in my head - he eventually left for someone else when I tried to make it work.
I was at rock bottom, I'm over him but I don't think I'll ever be over how brutal it was, it changed me as a person.

This is about HIM not you, I know it's hard, but every day is a step closer to healing.
I had therapy which did help, and I tried to eat well (my appetite wasn't great) but every time I looked at my son I knew I didn't have a choice I had to carry on and build a new life for us both.

It's been months, and I'm starting to see the other side, soon you will too - take each day as it comes and focus on your children.
You've got this and I can ensure you, you'll come through the other side stronger than before.

Are you happier? In hindsight was it the best thing?

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Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 14:04

SilkSquare · 16/03/2025 13:10

Are you married to him? If so, he will find that it won't be that easy to walk off into a golden future. This is a legal situation and he will have many legal things to deal with: fancy "romantic" language like he was grieving for the relationship before it ended won't cut any mustard or butter any parsnips.

If not, did he ever want to marry you or were you the one who didn't want marriage?

If the former, then he was telling you what he felt about you loud and clear from the start.

If it was the latter, then it has made it so much easier for him to walk away from you.

Be prepared now for him to marry quickly and for you and your children to be relegated to the status of a practice run.

It is very very painful and it will become more painful but one day, that pain will start to ease and you will regain confidence in yourself. Right now that feels as if it will never happen but it does and it will.

Be prepared now for him to marry quickly and for you and your children to be relegated to the status of a practice run

ouch that stung

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Mummaonherown · 16/03/2025 14:11

@Greenhouselover well he's still causing problems with Child support/other issues but as a whole, I'm happier.

Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 14:12

Mummaonherown · 16/03/2025 14:11

@Greenhouselover well he's still causing problems with Child support/other issues but as a whole, I'm happier.

That’s really reassuring, my head is so preoccupied with what him, his gf and my children are upto it is really painful. How long ago was it for you and are you completely over him/don’t want him back?

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Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 14:14

I have honestly never felt emotional pain like it. I wanted the family to work for the kids. I have ruined everything for them.

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FieldsofSummer · 16/03/2025 14:26

After 9 years together my ex left after a row. He said we'd not loved eachother for a long time (new information to me?) so he was leaving. We had a DC together.
He was with someone else a few weeks later and he absolutely prioritised that new relationship over seeing his child or providing them with financial or emotional support.

Then the following year he met someone else again, but this time she had kids so suddenly our child was back in the picture so he could play happy families.

I grieved the relationship and the nuclear family I felt that I owed my child.

That was 16 years ago OP. Within two years I had met my DH, we then married and had a DC together. He is the best man I have ever known and so kind. I never looked back and don't have any feelings about my ex.

He's showed himself. You can do so much better when you're ready.

Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 14:30

FieldsofSummer · 16/03/2025 14:26

After 9 years together my ex left after a row. He said we'd not loved eachother for a long time (new information to me?) so he was leaving. We had a DC together.
He was with someone else a few weeks later and he absolutely prioritised that new relationship over seeing his child or providing them with financial or emotional support.

Then the following year he met someone else again, but this time she had kids so suddenly our child was back in the picture so he could play happy families.

I grieved the relationship and the nuclear family I felt that I owed my child.

That was 16 years ago OP. Within two years I had met my DH, we then married and had a DC together. He is the best man I have ever known and so kind. I never looked back and don't have any feelings about my ex.

He's showed himself. You can do so much better when you're ready.

Thank you so much for this. I have read some stories on here that women are still pining for the awful that hurt them years down the line. I did really really love him and suppose I have to accept that it’s going to be painful for a while.

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Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 14:56

Ex has just called me to say he had plans tonight so gf mum is looking after the kids!!

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SherlockHomies · 16/03/2025 15:01

How long have you been separated and how old are the kids?

Original poster

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 15:15

SherlockHomies · 16/03/2025 15:01

How long have you been separated and how old are the kids?

About 3 months. I really don’t want the kids to stay with his new gf mum whilst they go out, they are only 4 and 7

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NeedToChangeName · 16/03/2025 15:19

Greenhouselover · 16/03/2025 14:56

Ex has just called me to say he had plans tonight so gf mum is looking after the kids!!

That seems inappropriate. However nice and kind she may be, she's a stranger to the children

NeedToChangeName · 16/03/2025 15:22

Be prepared now for him to marry quickly and for you and your children to be relegated to the status of a practice run

@SilkSquare Sure, that's exactly what the OP needed to hear........ NOT

OP, his new relationship may become serious, or may just be a rebound fling cos he wants to prove to himself that he's still got it. Either way, best revenge is to live your own best life and move forwards. It's a tough situation but won't hurt this bad for ever