Mother’s Day - when do I get a look in?

[Bestofbothworlds19]

I Don’t know how other families have the time to celebrate all the mum’s in the family, ideas welcome. But this year, again, I seem to not be part of things. I’ve got two young children, age 4 and nearly 2. Every year we plan stuff to do with my mum or my husband’s mum and this year it’s looking to be the same. I’d hoped that this year would be different, especially as my husband is actually in the country for Mother’s Day this year. Is that just how it is when you’ve got young children? You don’t get celebrated on Mother’s Day but the parent’s mums do because they’re mums and grandmothers? Do mums in similar positions get to celebrate Mother’s Day how they’d like because they plan it to be that way? Maybe I’m relying too much on my husband to try and plan and think of me. The first couple of Mother’s Days I had to buy or make a card for myself with my first born because he thought they were ‘too young’ to give me a card or present. Curious how it works in other families.

You will get a look in whenever you say “I am doing… this … and… these … are my expectations “.

And you stick to it. And if anyone complains, then it’s a them problem.

But if you are unhappy and do nothing to change the situation, then it’s a you problem.

Happy Mother’s Day.

I think there's room for all three to be celebrated. Husband can do breakfast in bed and flowers/ presents for you in the morning. Drop round flowers/ presents to the grandmother's if they are close by. Then you could have a takeaway and some wine together. Husband can sort kids bedtimes while you have a bath/chill time. Mothers day is a tough one for me as she died when my son was one but that's how our day goes usually and it's lovely.

You haven't really said what you will be doing. Can you all go out to eat? Do afternoon tea at yours for them both? Then you can get some of the day for you. I think really your DH isn't realising you want a change and you need to speak up.

I was going to say something similar. In a slight way, you’re slightly enabling this by not stamping your feet. Tell your husband that you don’t expect to have to buy your own card, and he should get something to appreciate that you’re the mother of his child. It’s your day to, not just your parents.

I feel the same. I’m going to be 62 this year. It’s been like this for 30 years or more.
I honestly don’t feel that I will feel that Mother’s Day for me until my own mother has passed away and she’s very very healthy and in her 80s so I might be waiting forever

I asked this question once, 'When is it my turn' and of course there is no winning. You get your turn when the grannies are very elderly. I wouldn't have felt great if we'd abandoned either granny. My siblings were a bit useless and ExDP was an only child. You do the right thing for the older generation.
DD and I are going out for tea this mother's day. It will be lovely.

Having looked at my husbands shift pattern he is actually working late this Mother's day. So the plan will be, tea in bed, nice breakfast (french toast), cards, he'll head off to work, I'll do the swimming lessons, and then the grandparents will have the kids for the afternoon, so I'll get a few hours to myself. But we'll do cards/presents for my mum on the Saturday, then a nice NT outing the weekend after probably with my in laws 😊.

Your husband sounds utterly thoughtless.

Speak to him ahead of the event. Make it clear to him that it is important to you that you are acknowledged on the day and that as the dad of small children, you expect him to plan accordingly.

If he loves and respects you then he will make the effort. If he doesn’t, then he’s showing you that he doesn’t care about what is important to you.

We split the day here too- I get lie in or we all go for a hike walk or something after dh and the kids get me breakfast then we go to mums, then his mums for a nice tea. I don’t see why everyone shouldn’t get a look in!

I hint at the kids and dh for days before about how I can’t wait for my cards and presents (generally sweets, sometimes a magazine or Sunday paper if I’ve hinted hard enough 😅).

As a granny I totally agree. I tell my grown up kids not to feel obliged, MD is about the younger kids making a nice day for their mummies. Honestly, it's all so commercialised and just adds more to busy mums' to do lists. In truth, my AC always get me something and visit etc but I always tell them it's really not necessary.

I typically have gifts, cards and breakfast in bed after a lie in (organised by dh) A nice bath and a quiet morning and we go out for a late lunch with both mothers and some extended family.

The best way to have a whole day to yourself is to book a weekend away with lots of notice. Or a holiday,

Your dh needs to step up!

Mother’s Day gets better as your own children become old enough to understand about it. I’d say primary age up when they start trying to bring you tea in bed and little gestures like that. Means much more when the children do it themselves rather than the other adults around you ie the dad of a toddler. I think we just have to put up with the early years being a bit meh ready for when they are older and want to make it special.

Once i became a mum, the focus of Mother’s Day was on me. Our mums had had many mothers days about them before.

I don't care for mother's day but my lovely Mil always helps the children to get me a treat/ bake a cake etc. She's truly wonderful.

Well to be honest now I’ve got DC it’s my day more than my mums or mil; they had lots of years of it being them. I’m happy to include them in a lunch out etc but I’m not cooking lunch for them, running round after them etc. It’s pretty poor on your DHs part that he didn’t make an effort.
All that said though my favourite part is the hand made stuff they make at school and nursery

Do you celebrate father's day? What does you DH get/ have planned?
If you do, perhaps point this out to him!

My first mother's day I ended up with 3 cards which I thought was a bit odd, one from DH/ds and a present, my mum turned up with one from DS and some flowers, that later turned out to be because my brother is shit and hadn't bothered to do anything for sil's first mother's day and she was really upset, so my mum now always makes sure to get her a card and get DNs to make something for her, although DB seems to have learned his lesson and she gets presents etc. I also got one from PIL that said on your first mother's day and put a message in there telling me I was a wonderful mother to DS etc which was very sweet.

We tend to go out somewhere for dinner often with both mums and dB/SIL so no one is cooking or watching the DC (if the men cook we end up chasing around after the children) , this way the men are in charge of the DC, we don't have to cook and we all get to celebrate together. My parents and DHs parents get on though and SIL is NC with hers (for very good reason)

Having some appreciation from your children is important (hugs, cards, breakfast making) and similar to make some effort to your own mums.
We however discovered a great hack that Mothers day is a great day to go to a usually busy attraction (legoland, alton towers, Chester zoo etc) as most families are taking the mums out to lunch!

Your DH should be assisting your DCs to bring you a homemade card and breakfast in bed.

At 2 and 4 they will be pretty rubbish at it, and you may not want to eat it but the point is that they start learning!

Otherwise you will be at grandparent age and your adult kids still won't be doing anything for Mother's Day as they never twigged they were supposed to.

You need to point out to your DH that the Mother here is you and give him some expectations for your day.

So when he was a kid, did his dad buy things (cards flowers) for his mum or did his dad have the same attitude

I guess I would expect something similar as we do for Father’s Day. For me personally I’m happy to share this day with my MIL, it’s not like I have a need to sit down and be pampered. I’m happy with a card and maybe a small gift/activity of my liking. We have time to pop over to see my MIL as well.
My mum passed away but I’d obviously be happy to share this day with her as well.
It sounds like your husband has let you down over the years so I’d tell him how I feel and make sure he organises something for you this year. For me personally it would be ok if the event took place the day before - that really doesn’t matter to me. If that does matter to you just arrange to see the mums the day prior, explaining you’ve never done anything as a family on the Sunday so this year you will be, for a change.
I don’t understand why it isn’t possible to fit in a lie in, a lunch out/activity as well as an hour with each mum. If they get on ok I would simply invite them both out for lunch and kill 3 birds with one stone.

Our girls are grown up now but when they were little between me (female) and my partner's mum we made sure that my wife had mother's day gifts and was made a fuss of. And we in turn made sure that granny had gifts from her grandchildren.

My DC are grown up now but when they were young I did the cup of tea and toast in bed thing along with whatever they had made in nursery/school
I then took my Mum out for a nice lunch in town , which I still do
i let my DH do whatever he wanted with my mum , which I still do
My DC send me cards and flowers

I see my mum the day before, my OH sorts his mum himself but the Sunday is a nice family day with just us :).

It depends. Always send flowers and card to my mum and my grown up children send the same to me. My lovely mil isn't with us anymore but when she was alive did the same. Depending on how busy we all are we may meet up for lunch either on the day or around the day. This year I will probably go to see my mum as she's getting older and isn't able to travel quite as much.