Boyfriend sees me two evenings per week?

[castoroil]

I am back with my ex.

Agreed to a fresh start and has been going well so far.

His work follows a different time zone, plus he works long hours. So often finishes work gone 10pm during the week.

He then typically stays over here on a Thursday and Friday night. He will often spend some of the day on Saturday here, but not always. He then spends Saturday and Sunday with his friends. Some Sundays he will spend the earlier part of the day with family and then see his friends later on.

I am struggling with only two evenings a week, and some of Saturday. But work is of course his priority, and seeing his friends is important to him.

Its a real point of contention between us.

Am I expecting to much?

He has made it clear that he would like to embrace that role.

He might have said so, but his actions make it clear he's nowhere near ready. He wants to embrace his career and his social life with his friends, which is pretty normal for a 24yo. You're in a very different place having a 6yo and would be best off just dating, not looking for marriage and kids with this guy who can't even spare his weekend for you. Forget what he says, focus on what he does. The rest is all good intentions at best or total BS at worst. He's not necessarily a bad guy but he's not a good bet for a long-term partner and step-dad material.

Sounds ok. Do t you have your own stuff going on the rest of the time?

It doesn't sound like this arrangement suits you. If you are not happy move on - don't keep wishing that he spends more time with you. He's happy, you're not - prioritise yourself.

He just isn’t ready for the kind of relationship you need and what he says he wants, his priorities are still in a different place and you can’t force that shift but it will take time to happen naturally and it isn’t fair for you to be bottom of the pile waiting around for that to happen.

Well I have a friend who thinks if you are a couple you should be together at the weekends, and without that and a few other things missing, that it is not a relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️😄
So it's each to their own really i suppose.
She couldn't understand when I had a bf, with now having a child and wanting some weekend time to myself, when my child wasn't there, that why i didn't want to spend Fri-Sun with the boyfriend 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even though I have already responded, when you put it the way you have, it's spot on. And like reading back what I had, with who I ended up with long term and had my DC with.
Yes things improved, over the 'years' but I wouldn't advise OP to wait it out to see how it goes.
Although sometimes people need to hear what the other wants or considers reasonable.
You are not compatible or he just doesn't want to give that much time.

We have done date days/nights.

I don’t want to end things with him, but I know he won’t budge in this situation. So I’m not sureI have any other option.

A few have said it’s all about him, but the reason we do Thursday and Friday night is because they are my child free nights. Although I’m sure we’d do Friday anyway as he has every weekend off.

There were a multitude of reasons as to why we broke up before, it is all very complicated.

I don’t want to go into it as I don’t feel it’s relevant anymore, I have put it behind me and agreed to a fresh start. I don’t want to muddy the waters or distract from this specific situation.

So marry him and have children, then complain he does nothing at home and never parents his own child but spends every weekend out with his friends.

That’s not what I want.

Well he won’t change and you won’t dump him. So your only other option is to stay with him and be miserable.

As @BansheeOfTheSouth says, have a baby with him and then come back here to complain that he never cares for his baby and moans that you don’t keep the house clean enough, cook often enough and give him enough sex.

In fact , why don’t you give up your job to be a SAHM with him? Then you can also complain that you can’t leave him because you and your two kids are now financially dependent on him.

You can post here about how you thought he would change once you had a baby ( hint = he won’t ). And that you were sure he’d make an amazing dad because he was posting all over his Facebook about it and going out with his mates every weekend to celebrate .

Or you can just skip the next 5 years of misery for you ( and 20 years of misery for the baby you might have with him ) and DUMP HIM NOW.

Because I’m afraid it’s not all about you and what you want, it’s about your 6 yo child . Yes I know that’s harsh and you are only 25. But when you chose to have that baby aged 19 you chose to put them first , because that’s what being a mum is . Yes men get to fuck off and leave women holding the baby and it’s not fair but that’s biology.

So you have to make an adult decision and chose not to be a fuck buddy to your waste of space ex. You deserve a lot better and so does your child.

Dump him now. Use your child free nights to have fun with your female friends. Work on your career and qualifications and make a secure financial future for you and your child.

And don’t try to marry or have a baby with a bloke in his 20s, whatever weasel words he uses to get you to shag him and feed him. 99% of men that age have no intention of settling down, why would they? But many of them are prepared to use a vulnerable single mum for their own ends.

You are at a different life stage than most men your age, if you want to marry and have another kid you need to wait until your 30s until men catch up.

I know I’m being very blunt but you are too trusting by half and you are going to get used ( yet again I suspect ).

I appreciate your blunt advice, but your response is patronising and full of assumptions. I never said I was unwilling to leave him, I clearly stated that I see it as my likely option. You implying otherwise suggests you either didn’t read my post properly or chose to misinterpret it to fit your narrative.

I don’t need a lecture on being an ‘adult’ or a good parent, I found this extremely patronising. I am a fully functioning adult, mother and working professional. I have been raising my child responsibly for six years, and I am offended by your baseless assumptions about how I make decisions for my family. You don’t know my experiences, or my past relationships, so the claim that I’m ‘too trusting’ or ‘going to be used yet again’ is both insulting and incorrect.

If your intent was to offer support, there were far better ways to do so than condescension and sweeping generalisations . Constructive advice is absolutely welcome, or else I would not have made the post in the first place, but I won’t entertain patronising lectures that make assumptions about my intelligence or life experience.

That really is a bit much.

This is exactly how I’m feeling.

I really don’t think that is the case. I’d be flabbergasted if it was.

So, you can never do anything together at the weekend because he prioritises friends?
And Thursday and Friday is just a sleepover, Saturday you're on a timer until he goes?

When do actually date? Hang out with friends together?

OP, he's too young. He's immature, barely an adult, behaving like a teen. Of course he's saying he'd like to embrace the role of dad to your child - because that gets him laid.