Boyfriend sees me two evenings per week?

[castoroil]

I am back with my ex.

Agreed to a fresh start and has been going well so far.

His work follows a different time zone, plus he works long hours. So often finishes work gone 10pm during the week.

He then typically stays over here on a Thursday and Friday night. He will often spend some of the day on Saturday here, but not always. He then spends Saturday and Sunday with his friends. Some Sundays he will spend the earlier part of the day with family and then see his friends later on.

I am struggling with only two evenings a week, and some of Saturday. But work is of course his priority, and seeing his friends is important to him.

Its a real point of contention between us.

Am I expecting to much?

He is coming over tomorrow night to discuss this.

I am not sure what to say.

Maybe I should suggest we take the relationship in a more casual direction? Although I know he wouldn’t like that at all.

You need to work out what you want out of the relationship.

How could it get more casual? What “wouldn’t he like?” That you were’nt permanently on standby like a plug in hoover, ready for the two nights he wants sex? Would @more casual” mean you would start to date other men ? Because I absolutely think you should be looking first someone who values spending time with you other than booty calls.

Theirs your answer. He couldn’t be clearer. What else do you want him to say.

Hiya, I’m curious as to why you both split up last time. You don’t need to disclose that but I think you should put that in the mix too.

On the issue of time (and the timing of that time being almost bedtime), that would not have interested me. The relationship doesn’t have enough awake, quality time to flourish. As PPs have said, you’re just sleeping together with the current arrangement.

At that age, with my future DH (now exH but that’s another story), I was going to his after work on a Thursday, going to work from his on a Friday morning, coming back to his Fri after work and spending the whole weekend together- socialising with friends or just the two of us, or visiting his family together - then going to work Monday morning and being at mine on my own until Thursday rolled around again.

I mean, the above wasn’t sustainable and looking back after we settled down I realised I’d done all the running around, but that gives you a flavour of the sort of routine you could have. The difference being any boyfriend of yours would need to come to yours (once things are steady between you) since you have your son there too.

He has made it clear that he doesn't want to embrace that role. You are his last priority. That includes your child.

Do you really think this is the man to be a good step father to your child when he spends a few hours with you a week, presumably when your child is not there (I hope!)

He's living like a young single lad, you're mum to a 6 year old. He's still pissing about with his mates on the weekends, you've got school uniforms, parents' evenings and bedtime stories. It's not going to last.

He's (rightly) focussed on getting his career started. At 24, that's pretty much the norm.

You come a long way down his list of priorities. What's far, far more important is that your 6 year old daughter will matter to him even less. Your first duty is to her, so this is not a relationship that's got much of a future.

Youre a grown up, he isn't.

Having a child so very young meant you had to mature fast and take responsibility.

He hasn't done that.

He SAYS he wants to embrace that - because that gets him laid.

What caused the breakup in the first place?

He says that work is his first priority, family second and then me. He’s relatively new in his role so is working hard to get to a good place with it.

So, he has told you that you are last on his list. Your son will be even lower.

You and your son are both worth better. You are in a different place to him, you will always be a generation ahead. Its rare that I think this but I think you need to be look at older men not younger.

But either way, get rid of this one.

This is very wise advice.

@castoroil He says that work is his first priority, family second and then me.

No, you are 4th - you only get the spare time he has when his friends aren't available. They get the prime-time relaxing fun time. You get the earlier part of the day when there's nothing better to do.

You’re not really seeing each other twice a week the way most people do when they are dating. You never go out together but he makes sure he goes out with his friends. It’s all about him really, isn’t it? I wouldn’t be surprised if his vision for your marriage was all about him too. His life style would remain unchanged but you’d be a live in housekeeper

Why won’t he take you with him when he meets his friends? Why doesn’t he want to go out together? You mention his friends also bring their partners…does he not like to be seen with you?

Have you suggested date nights/days when you have childcare?

he is just future faking you, all this ' talk ' about being together / marriage etc. it's not going to happen.

He is quite happy coming round after work for sex twice a week, and if he has nothing better to do he will spend a bit of time with you during the day on Saturday.

what do YOU do on a Saturday night ? do you get a babysitter and go out and enjoy yourself ?

how often do YOU go out to socialise / have fun.

does your child's father do overnights at weekends with him/her ? or is it just Thurs eve until Saturday daytime ?

Then run like the fucking wind because that man will not make that lifestyle easy. When will he be around to raise them, never mind "help" you around the house.

This might sound odd but to me a key measure of the seriousness of a relationship is who you spend your weekend with. He doesn’t have to spend every Saturday night/Sunday with you but it’s odd that he doesn’t want to spend any Saturday nights/Sundays with you. You split up before. It didn’t work then and it doesn’t particularly seem to work now. What you describe is not a basis for marriage.

Totaly !

How can it get more casual?
Why is always what he wants ?

He is coming over for sex now the weekend is over and he’s had his fun

You aren't expecting too much. Doesn't sound like much of a relationship sorry.

So he gets to you after 10 on a Thursday and Friday night for a shag, has a relaxing Saturday morning and then carries on with his life.

This is not a relationship and you are not part of his life. If he is thinking about living together, be under no illusion that this will change - you still won’t be woven into his life - except he’llbe in with a chance of more sex and split household bills. I can see what’s in it for him, but not you. Why would it make your life any better (possibly cheaper bills aside).

Spending time with friends is important for most men in their twenties, but is it possible he has another girlfriend for the weekends?

It doesn't sound great, though your updates that he spends most of Saturday daytime with you makes it seem a bit better. I assume you can't easily go out on Saturday night because of your child?

But:
He seems to come over late on Thursdays and Fridays so I presume you just go to bed, have sex and sleep. So your only real "quality time" is Saturday daytime. It depends on whether that's enough for you?
He's also told you that his job comes first, then family, friends are clearly third, so you are last on the list. Again, is that enough for you?

He doesn't sound awful and he's being quite open and honest, but it sounds like you are just not compatible. Whilst you are the same age, he's a fun loving 25 year old working and playing hard and you're a 25 year old parent with responsibilities.

It would be a no from me.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that plan. Maybe you are a tad needy?

I’m sorry but it sounds as though you’re not happy with the current arrangement but you’re trying make it fit and making excuses for him. If you’re honest with yourself you know the answer.