Boyfriend sees me two evenings per week?

[castoroil]

I am back with my ex.

Agreed to a fresh start and has been going well so far.

His work follows a different time zone, plus he works long hours. So often finishes work gone 10pm during the week.

He then typically stays over here on a Thursday and Friday night. He will often spend some of the day on Saturday here, but not always. He then spends Saturday and Sunday with his friends. Some Sundays he will spend the earlier part of the day with family and then see his friends later on.

I am struggling with only two evenings a week, and some of Saturday. But work is of course his priority, and seeing his friends is important to him.

Its a real point of contention between us.

Am I expecting to much?

You don't have a boyfriend, you have a fuck buddy.

Why would you want to marry someone who sees you a few hours a week? It's hours not days because he arrives late and sleeps. Of course he wants to move in. You will do everything for him and he will continue to do as he pleases.

He could spend one weekend day with friends and go out with you that evening and spend the other day with you and out with friends in the evening but he doesn't. You are not a priority.

Keep him as a fuck buddy if you want but look for someone more suitable for an actual relationship.

We have been out during the day on a few of the Saturdays since we’ve been together.

Bansheeofthesouth is right.

'We have been out during the day on a few of the Saturdays since we’ve been together.'

is that your only comment after all the replies ?

who are you trying to convince - us or yourself...

what about Saturday night dates
weekends away

etc.

No we never go out with his friends or their partners, but he has said he would like to.

I do know them because we are all from the same small area.

He has taken me out for meals.

We went out for Valentine’s Day. And for breakfast a couple of times.

Also travelled to an art gallery and then went for a meal.

I was reading through all the responses.

We have spent one Saturday evening here, he slept over.

No weekends away yet, but we have talked about it.

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship. He sees you when it suits him and he's not prepared to make time for much more. You sound way down on his list of priorities.

@castoroil "I am struggling with only two evenings a week, and some of Saturday"

You previously separated for whatever reason but here you are again, struggling with this relationship.

Just because he is familiar, it really does not mean that he is your only option lovely.

Find someone else who doesn't make you so sad. 🌻

I don't think it sounds great, doesn't sound very serious.

I think if he was keen he'd be wanting to spend Saturday day and night together, maybe seeing his friends just on the Sunday.

Thank you for all your responses. They have given me a lot to think about.

There’s significantly more ‘we’ve talked about it’ than ‘we’ve done it’ here. Look at his actions not his words, ask for what you want from this relationship, if he promises to deliver but doesn’t follow through immediately - it should be a no from you.

So what does his work pattern look like during the week?

Love, this isn't a relationship.

You're packed into a handy little compartment labelled 'fuck 'n food'.

The rest of his life is taken up with work, friends, a life you don't share. You get the crumbs.

I'm willing to bet even if you move in together this will continue.

You'll be on here in a few years, life will have gone on, yet you'll be asking why does my husband never seem to want to spend time with me and our toddler?

He was your ex. So what happened that ended the first version of this thing?

And how old are you both? This may be significant.

It sounds like a teenager relationship. What are you getting out of it.

' Am I expecting to much? '

you are not expecting enough
you are accepting far far too little

Yeah, that wouldn't work for me. Unless there's a special event or occasion, I'd expect most of his weekend to be spent with me. If he doesn't want that, he's not a good fit. There are men out there who will want to spend more time with their serious girlfriend, partner, or wife. I'd get rid of this one and look for someone with a more similar outlook.

How old is he? Past the age where spending that much time with his friends is normal?

Yes exactly, people older than 21 dont need friends and its weird to spend more than a few hours a week with them. Mature adults spend all their waking lives with their needy partners -- friends are for children and toddlers

@castoroil It wouldn't be quite enough for me to conduct a close relationship. I don't like the strangulation of 24/7 . Neither would I like late arrivals and the relationship you describe.

That wouldn’t work for me, I’d prefer more variety and some spontaneity. I’d also not like fitting into someone else routine, I’d become ‘busy’ on those evenings.

@castoroil he arrives late for sex op that’s it.
He is serious when he “gives up “ his Saturday night for you .
No date Nights or anything ? How can this be serious ?
It’s lip service from him or this is the life you would live with him . You home waiting while he was out “busy”

Sounds like a booty call if he arrives late and is gone next day. He is saying what he needs to so you invest in this and keep it going. He sees his friends more that you, how can this be healthy for a committed long term relationship ?

The issue is he comes over late at night sleeps and then presumably you go to work. So you might get an hour if you wait up. And then a couple hours Saturday morning. It’s not a lot, whilst it’s understandable he wants to see friends/family and separate time is healthy he should also want some quality time with you or you could see friends and family together.

if you move in you will spend every night with him but it’s the lack of actual daytime together that is the issue and if he’s not willing to compromise it’s unlikely to change. What if you chose to have children would you be doing all the parenting?

Unless you are a independent person too and happy with your relationship being a small part of your life I’d walk away.

So on weekends he is meeting his friends and their partners but he is not bringing you, his partner? I would find that very suspicious. He is clearly not viewing you as anything serious.