Boyfriend sees me two evenings per week?

[castoroil]

I am back with my ex.

Agreed to a fresh start and has been going well so far.

His work follows a different time zone, plus he works long hours. So often finishes work gone 10pm during the week.

He then typically stays over here on a Thursday and Friday night. He will often spend some of the day on Saturday here, but not always. He then spends Saturday and Sunday with his friends. Some Sundays he will spend the earlier part of the day with family and then see his friends later on.

I am struggling with only two evenings a week, and some of Saturday. But work is of course his priority, and seeing his friends is important to him.

Its a real point of contention between us.

Am I expecting to much?

Fine for a casual boyfriend if you have a busy and full life yourself but it's no basis for a life partnership. You aren't in his top 3 priorities in life. Have some self-respect and give this one a swerve. Find someone who wants to prioritise spending time with you.

What is his job, that he has to work until 10pm?

It's a casual arrangement, not conducive to a long term relationship.

You see him twice a week and on those days he arrives very late, stays over, then leaves. That isn’t a relationship.

Did you post last week about him changing plans last minute? I seem to recall someone who’s boyfriend worked in another time zone.

this isn’t OP right. He’s just not that into you. When I met my husband it was different. He saw each other all the time at the weekend. We bonded, cooked food, watched movies, went shopping, played mini golf, went to the seaside, a weeks holidays met family and friends planned and had Christmas within three months of meeting.

I didn’t need to think “is it OK if I call him”.

we are all needy, we all have emotional needs. Don’t settle for something you are that doesn’t not meet your needs.

A couple of evenings a week would be fine for me. I'm married and see my husband 2-3 evenings a week. I have a very busy life though so I'm not sat twiddling my thumbs waiting for our time together.

Have you told him you'd like to spend more time together?

WTF? What's 'better' - someone who will ditch their friends for you?

It doesn't sound like it works for the OP because their schedules and her wants are nor aligned. That's life, its not a case of 'doing better'.

Why was he an ex in the first place?

Has that reason suddenly disappeared?

I'll wager not.

Make him an ex again.

I wouldn’t be planning marriage and kids with someone who was recently an ex. Why did you break up and did those issues really get sorted before you reconciled? Because this kind of issue sounds like you’re not on the same page and aren’t communicating well in terms of meeting each other’s needs. Those are the things that really matter in terms of things being serious and having true long term potential. Not whether he says and does what he wants and you have to go along with it. That’s a recipe for misery.

You're talking about marriage, but you've never had a weekend away together? That's insane. You need to experience a few different things together to see how they fit for both of you

Why did you break up the first time?

What was the relationship like last time around, who decided to call it a day? Did you see more of him then?

Not at all - but there’s a point in life where friends aren’t your main commitment any more. How many men outside their 20s do you know who have non-negotiable time blocked out every week for their friends at the expense of their partner? As you mature you make time for your friends in your life rather than have an immovable feature every single week

Better would be someone who wants to spend more time with OP than sleeping at her house twice a week because that’s basically all this is.

I agree with this. When there's kids involved too, it's unusual that you would be leaving the home of an evening or for hours at a time to see friends socially. Partner and family come first. If people aren't prioritising their partner/ spouse over friendships, then there's a problem with the relationship.

I’d definitely knock Thursdays on the head.

I’m 25, he’s very nearly 25.

I have one aged 6 DC from a previous relationship.

He knows how I feel about it the current arrangement, isn’t willing to change it as time with his friends is important to him.

He says that work is his first priority, family second and then me. He’s relatively new in his role so is working hard to get to a good place with it.

He would argue that he sees me more than he does his friends.

He does often stay until late afternoon/early evening on a Saturday before going to spend the rest of it with friends.

He is almost 25. Maybe I am expecting too much for his age?

Though he is keen for marriage and children whilst still in our 20’s.

You are in very different places in your lives. I hope your child hasn't met him. Very unhealthy for a young child to have someone in and out and back into their lives like that.

At 24, taking on a 6 year old step child wouldn't appeal to many people.

He's told you that you are last on his list of priorities. End the relationship and prioritise your child and yourself.

How long were you together previously op and how long are you back together?

I personally would normally have felt 2 date nights in a week was plenty but I'd want to do something other than just go straight to bed with them.

However, there's not much here to go on - if you're only recently back together then it makes sense to me to go slow.

You are not a high priority to him. He spends a couple nights, then see ya later.

This sounds more like just sex than a relationship or FWB.

Other than his mouth, there's nothing in this that says he wants commitment and family with you.

You need a man that's hesitant to leave you, not one that has you on a rigid schedule. This is not your man, so don't allow him to waste your time.

Which I understand, and wouldn’t expect.

He has made it clear that he would like to embrace that role.

He’s lying, though.