Never let ANYONE move in!!

[Engineweld]

OH moved in with me 5yrs ago. House is in my name, I have a nice home. I’m very house proud. I’d done everything on it before he moved in.
then I made a mistake.
I let BIL moved in “temporarily” ..he was struggling where he was and having quite a few problems. 2 and half years later he’s finally just moving out. I’ve been trying to get him out for over 12mnths.
But then I walked into the room he’s been using and I’m fuming!
It’s absolutely filthy! Clearly nothing has been cleaned since he moved in. Skirting boards, windows and blind, ceiling, marks and stains everywhere, laminate flooring full of I don’t know what. I bought him 2 sets of drawers when he moved in to help him ..both of them are completely beyond repair and it definitely needs repainting everywhere.
I actually burst into tears over the state of it.
I’m so upset.
I’ve come downstairs and took it out on DH and I know I shouldn’t. It’s not him that’s done it. He’s trying to be practical and saying we’ll just deal with it tomorrow but I’m fuming.
I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve got and to have someone take the p**s like this has just devastated me.
OH took me out of the room, closed the door, and just let me rant. I just can’t get those images out of my head. I’m angry, frustrated, disgusted.

Get a cleaner in and hand bil the bill. Tell DH he needs to be clear that BIL pays this, or that is the family relationship with him over.
what a pig.

I feel your rage. So disrespectful.

Take your DH’s offer to sort it out - and I’d get him to ask BIL for the cost of anything damaged.

Bil trashed your room that you kindly let him overstay in, DH can tell him he pays for the cleaning and repairs.

When he overstayed the first of 12 months, your husband should have come down on him like a bug.

So this is your OH's brother or his sister's EXH? I would tell him that you will be having it redecorated/fumigated and whatever else needs replacing at his expense. I do not believe he never went in that room and saw what it was like yet said and did nothing. You were kind and this is how you were repaid. So sorry for you: what an absolute pig to do that to your home. If you're not married, I'd be throwing your OH out too.

BIL as in OH’s brother?

And yet you’re the one that has been spending 12 months trying to get him to leave?

Leave it all to your OH, the cleaning, the redecorating, the cost.

Tell him he needs to make it right within the next 4 weeks.

In 2.5 years you’ve never popped your head in to this room?

OH took me out of the room, closed the door, and just let me rant.

well he should be pulling on his marigolds OP

You married poorly and he and his family have exploited you being a mug.

Nobody gets to stay in your home for 2.5 years without your agreement.

I'm sorry OP but this is actually on you.
Your husband and his brother have both exploited you and your home.

Good men do not behave like this.
Scum does.

You need to wake up to just how used you have been and continue to be.

Exactly! I don't see how that's possible

I doubt OP will clarify!

he always had an excuse as to why. I’m relieved he’s gone but it’s what I’ve been left with that’s gutted me

We both spoke to him. It just seemed to drag on and on.

There's always excuses.

Your cocklodger adjacent BIL should have been steered elsewhere the first month he started making excuses. You guys were dumb and now you've got a trashed room and furniture.

Well, whatever, time for your husband to get busy.

For 2.5….. years???!!!!

He was never ever out the house and you were passing and just popped head in?

He always had his door closed? Always?

I will clarify. Yes I’ve popped my head in. But the damaged to the drawers couldn’t be seen cos they looked closed. But turns out they don’t open. The floor he hid with a huge rug and the walls I couldn’t see because of the stuff that was there!

But what you have described in your op is total and unequivocal disaster zone that could not have been hidden

Have you spoken to your BIL since discovering this?

Blimey this is dramatic. Get your husband to clean it up , charge BIL and move on.

My heart goes out to you Op. My uncle pulled this stunt last year, finally got rid of him in November. My guest room was destroyed in addition to the china dinnerware that he laughed about. Never helped to cook, clean or gave us a penny. I've been put off helping anybody ever again.

Sounds a bit dramatic.

Walls after 2.5 years I would paint anyway.
How expensive were the drawers? Hopefully just cheap IKEA that you can bin?
The floor is annoying and tbh, I dont clean my blinds all that often and they look fine. What has he done to them?

Do you have any pictures?

Just sort it out and dont let anyone walk all over you again.

I'd tell DH it's his job to sort it out, including whatever needs replacing, decoration ... he can get his brother involved or not, his choice. BIL needs to be under no illusion - he will never be allowed to return.

My OH exploited me?? Of course I’m going to defend my OH but how did my OH exploit me??

So where did this gem of neatness move to?

Exploitation is the action for fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit. So they both clearly exploited you- your OH by not demanding his brother leaves. And your BIL by overstaying and damaging your room.

Moved his brother in to your home for 2.5 years and no doubt knew he was a shit show on housekeeping front