Never let ANYONE move in!!

[Engineweld]

OH moved in with me 5yrs ago. House is in my name, I have a nice home. I’m very house proud. I’d done everything on it before he moved in.
then I made a mistake.
I let BIL moved in “temporarily” ..he was struggling where he was and having quite a few problems. 2 and half years later he’s finally just moving out. I’ve been trying to get him out for over 12mnths.
But then I walked into the room he’s been using and I’m fuming!
It’s absolutely filthy! Clearly nothing has been cleaned since he moved in. Skirting boards, windows and blind, ceiling, marks and stains everywhere, laminate flooring full of I don’t know what. I bought him 2 sets of drawers when he moved in to help him ..both of them are completely beyond repair and it definitely needs repainting everywhere.
I actually burst into tears over the state of it.
I’m so upset.
I’ve come downstairs and took it out on DH and I know I shouldn’t. It’s not him that’s done it. He’s trying to be practical and saying we’ll just deal with it tomorrow but I’m fuming.
I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve got and to have someone take the p**s like this has just devastated me.
OH took me out of the room, closed the door, and just let me rant. I just can’t get those images out of my head. I’m angry, frustrated, disgusted.

Sorry - I get sarcastic when I get annoyed.

I just think that you need to sit down and think about what you each bring to the table here Op. You seem nice and kind and practical and a steady job and have a house. What does your partner actually bring? If you think back to your life before he moved in (when you had savings and a lovely spare room), has he improved your life or made it worse?

Working damn hard on it. It’s been far from easy watching him struggle for the last 5/6 months (physical and mental) it’s a lot to deal with, and no doubt will be for a long time. But, he’s getting there.

That’s exactly what we did last year. Told him it wasn’t working. I didn’t want “this” anymore. He now works full time, sorted his priorities out and he has spent the last few months not so much trying to make it up, but trying to prove what he wants (if you know what I mean)

Scrub the laminate (very easily and cheaply replaced if necessary: cheaper than carpet) and wash down and paint the walls. It could be sorted over a weekend if your partner helps.

This sounds like you have control issues. He stayed against your wishes, enabled by his brother, for 2.5 years. Now you're going OTT about less than £500-worth of superficial damage. You're focussing on the superficial stuff instead of tackling the real problem, which is that you allowed your partner and his brother to override your decisions in your own home. In your shoes I'd be wanting my partner to leave too, because he enabled his brother to stay against despite your feelings.

The mess isn't the problem. Your partner is.

Peak Mumsnet victim blaming.

Tell BIL it’s disgustingly dirty, and that if it’s not clean in 24 hours you’ll have to pay for a deep clean. Not clear if you charged BIL rent.

Appreciate it is upsetting but if it were me I'd just be celebrating that he's gone. That's a far bigger win.

You also have the trump card if there was ever a suggestion that he return

I’d love to react to this but I’d probably get slated for that too 🤷‍♀️

Did you charge any rent or get a damage deposit? Sorry haven’t read the whole thread.

Your OH should be reassuring you that he will deal with it all at his own expense.

The issue is not so much not allowing other people to move in but don't marry people from families with massive red flags. Your OH also moved in without paying any mortgage or rent. He has a slob for a brother who can't get his life together and it ended up being your problem too. Why couldn't BIL stay with his parents?

So he decided to try and model a normal decent human when he realised he was losing your home?

You seriously believe this is about regard for you?
No doubt he will suggest marriage at some point and you will sign over half your home.

Unfortunately some woman have to be used and abused their whole lives.

God help you OP for what has brought you to accept such utter wasters into a home you have worked so hard on.
That you would allow someone dictate who enters your own home, your own grandson, tells me you are so vulnerable and are absolutely in a controlling abusive relationship.
He is waiting in the long grass with a mask on.
He is the same loser he always was, you are just determined not to see it.

Wishing you well. You are so going to need it the older and more vulnerable you get, surrounding yourself with users and takers.