Never let ANYONE move in!!

[Engineweld]

OH moved in with me 5yrs ago. House is in my name, I have a nice home. I’m very house proud. I’d done everything on it before he moved in.
then I made a mistake.
I let BIL moved in “temporarily” ..he was struggling where he was and having quite a few problems. 2 and half years later he’s finally just moving out. I’ve been trying to get him out for over 12mnths.
But then I walked into the room he’s been using and I’m fuming!
It’s absolutely filthy! Clearly nothing has been cleaned since he moved in. Skirting boards, windows and blind, ceiling, marks and stains everywhere, laminate flooring full of I don’t know what. I bought him 2 sets of drawers when he moved in to help him ..both of them are completely beyond repair and it definitely needs repainting everywhere.
I actually burst into tears over the state of it.
I’m so upset.
I’ve come downstairs and took it out on DH and I know I shouldn’t. It’s not him that’s done it. He’s trying to be practical and saying we’ll just deal with it tomorrow but I’m fuming.
I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve got and to have someone take the p**s like this has just devastated me.
OH took me out of the room, closed the door, and just let me rant. I just can’t get those images out of my head. I’m angry, frustrated, disgusted.

Okay breathe. Big picture time.

This is annoying but can be fixed. The most important thing is he's out.

Let your OH do a deep clean before you go in again. Do you have any of the flooring left? Is it still sold? You probably don't need to replace all of it.

A quick lick of paint on the walls, ceiling and skirting boards will have it looking good again soon.

I'm not doubting he's been hugely disrespectful but rooms always look bad when you take out most of the furniture.

Don't let this part spoil what should be relief that you have your house back.

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BIL clearly either felt 1) very at home and went blind to his own mess or 2) like you would just sort it.

I'd get DP to have a word with him. Really make him understand how shit it's made you feel, and that this isn't acceptable, that you both feel he should at least have cleared up after he left. DP should emphasise united front and make it clear BIL owes you big time for the hospitality and owes you an apology for the state of it. You don't have to accept the apology, but he should expect to apologise.

I don't think your DP exploited you -- he may just feel it is what it is now and regret saying yes as much as you do. If he's a good egg, he probably feels he's let you down. Make him step up now.

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Sorry missed your reply

I learned this the hard way too op

I'd give him a call and say can I just check when are you coming back to clean the room and are you going to repair or replace the drawers?

Then I'd ask him what happened to the floor! He might not realise he's done anything if you don't bring it up. Or he realises and is just rude!

To spend 3 days wondering what’s going to happen?? It’s definitely not worth it 🤣🤣🤣 we’ve cleaned everything, we’re redecorating, we’re definitely never taking anyone in again

It’s definitely the latter

This is the same OH that refused to get a job until he had drained all your savings away? (Your user name is cool and distinctive so I remember you.)

That must feel like the final kick in the teeth. Possibly not surprising, but disappointing that someone could treat you with such disrespect.

Redecorate and give that room a new look so memories of the useless lump are not tied to that space.

Glad you finally got rid of him OP. Of course it's not yours or your husband's fault he abused your generosity, people on here love to put blame, when sometimes circumstances are beyond our control.
You wanted him out, and he's finally out, so we'll done for that.
Take the damage a pay off for finally getting rid of him.
Not ideal, but take the wins as you find them.

The reason you refuse to "see/understand" how your OH has used and exploited you as much as his brother, is why it went on so long.

Normal people do not have inlaws living with them and ruining part of a house, for 2.5 years.

We teach people how to treat us and you not understanding how you have been royally taken for a mug by both men, is why it could well happen again.

MNet sisterhood at work again !

Thought so - and the OH was conspiring in keeping him kushty in their home? The others are right. Its on your OH to clean and repair.

Get a cleaner in and do a deep clean. Buying new chest of drawers or look on market place. Often free good condition furniture there

flooring hopefully will be able to be sorted and a quick coat of paint once cleaned

It’s a real pile-on this evening OP. No idea why people are being so vile to you.

I think that a lot of us think that her other half is using her - if not abusing her - and that she could - and should - do better thank a man who won’t kick out his awful brother, refuses to work thus draining her of every penny of her savings and is awful when her grandson needs to live with them temporarily in an emergency.

Ok, that makes more sense then

So probably best to read the thread before jumping in with that

this OH is a grade a tosspot. Rinsed the Op of her money. Moved his brother in for 3.5 years, then he moved out for 4 months then he moved back in for 2.5 months. And didn’t pay any rent or upkeep at all. Oh and OH had a massive go at the OP when she had her grandson stay for just one week! Oh and he’s a functioning alcoholic

I get now why everyone’s been hating on my OH so I’ll give a quick update. Me and OH ended talking after my previous post and I explained how it wasn’t working. OH started full time job, supporting, respecting and completely changed his attitude towards everything (wish I’d sat him down sooner instead of trying to do it all myself). GS was welcomed and eventually moved back with his mum once she got a house large enough for them all. We still speak to them regularly. OH agreed that we needed BIL out and finally he’s moved. OH is just as disgusted with the mess etc but we cleaned it and are both going to redecorate (even though he can’t paint a straight line 🤦‍♀️) it’s still his brother and I expect them to still have a relationship, just not in my house anymore.

And the drinking?

Do you have any pictures?

It's just a room: Bin the broken drawers and redecorate. If you are angry about the cost, discuss it with your DH and ask him to pay for it as it his brother.

I understand that you are raging, but you need to stand back and get perspective: It is just a room that needs cleaning and redecorating.

We’ve had fostered children and lodgers over the years who have trashed rooms..it can all be fixed, re-decorated and re-carpeted. Really upsetting though if you’re someone who is house proud and there is no respect shown. Unfortunately, people have different values and your BIL certainly sounds like a very ungrateful, disrespectful person. Ask him to pay, or make a contribution, towards all the repair/decorating costs.

Dread to think what he’ll do to the next place.

Gosh! What an epiphany he had about 2 minutes after he realised that he was about to lose his lovely free housing in your lovely house.

Indeed if only you had spoken to him earlier as he just hadn’t realised that food needs to be paid for and that you should be nice to your partner’s grandchild!

If he had keys I think I'd change my locks.