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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you think I'm weird? Swimming

92 replies

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 16:42

I've started taking my autistic dd (almost 6) swimming again. She LOVES it 😭 bless her

But when we go, she hates playing with me.

The only thing she'd let me do was to lift her up onto the side so she could jump in. But she's figured this out herself now

I get in the pool with her and just kind of stand in the corner of the pool, supervising

Other parents play with their kids and try to teach them to swim but mine loses it if i get close to her 🙈🙈 (trying not to tell myself that she secretly hates me)

Would you think it weird if you saw me just kinda standing there? Last week another mum kept on telling mine 'well done' for splashing - I took that as a dig that I wasn't doing anything

Today I just kept on asking if she's having fun and waving awkwardly 😭 - I feel so awkward tbh, like everyone must think I'm the laziest mum ever

What would you do in my situation? 😬😄 Aibu to worry?

OP posts:

Higglepigglewiggle · 15/03/2025 16:43

I think with an ASD child you need to create a bit of a thick skin where other people are concerned. Sounds like your dd is having a great time, well done!

Wakeywake · 15/03/2025 16:47

I probably wouldn't even notice tbh. There are plenty of parents I've silently judged at the pool, but you wouldn't stand out in my eyes.

Hugattack · 15/03/2025 16:47

So long as your kid is happy and safe and not doing anything to hurt or upset anyone else I wouldn’t give two hoots what anyone else thinks.

Mmmm19 · 15/03/2025 16:49

Good on you for taking them to something they enjoy and letting them do it their way. I understand why you are thinking this but for me the loud performative parents are much more annoying.

parietal · 15/03/2025 16:59

As long as you are supervising and will intervene if she splashes or annoys other kids, you are fine.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 17:02

Mmmm19 · 15/03/2025 16:49

Good on you for taking them to something they enjoy and letting them do it their way. I understand why you are thinking this but for me the loud performative parents are much more annoying.

Thank you 🥰

😄 me too, not sure fan of overly performative parents - i think I was overdoing it with the waving today so will stop that

OP posts:

TartanMammy · 15/03/2025 17:04

I would try not to worry about what other people think as long as she is happy and safe.

The splashing comment might be passive aggressive though - you're really not supposed to splash people at the swimming pool. It's bad manners. I hate it when I'm swimming lengths and end up getting splashed in the face by kids or overly keen (usually male) swimmers.

Itisbetter · 15/03/2025 17:05

Ignore the ridiculous superior mothers. They honestly have no idea. Swimming was a huge help for my child with ASD growing up so keep going if you can.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 17:05

parietal · 15/03/2025 16:59

As long as you are supervising and will intervene if she splashes or annoys other kids, you are fine.

I agree - i'm constantly watching her and moving her away from smaller kids.

She does have the tendency to try and take other's toys but I'm straight over there to stop her and then explain that she is non speaking right now.

Tbf she is more curious than mean and will stop when she hears 'no'

i did get speaking to two mums this way actually, which was nice

OP posts:

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 15/03/2025 17:07

You're being unreasonable to even consider other people and their opinions in this situation OP. Just do whatever your child needs you to do, and if that means standing there and watching, just do that, it's none of anyone else's business. I'm glad your DD is enjoying her time in the water.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 17:07

TartanMammy · 15/03/2025 17:04

I would try not to worry about what other people think as long as she is happy and safe.

Agree, she may have been annoyed by the splashing, although hers were splashing and jumping too

But this week, i was moving mine away from others when she wanted to jump in, to avoid that

OP posts:

Iknowaboutpopular · 15/03/2025 17:09

My asd dd is the same. Water has always been a safe space for her. I dont give a shit if she splashes and take no notice of the tutters. It's a pool, you get splashed sometimes.

I found it easier to interact with my dd by getting some of those diving toys you chuck in and they have to find. She absolutely loves doing that and would happily keep it going for ages.

Just keep going. You're not weird.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 17:09

Itisbetter · 15/03/2025 17:05

Ignore the ridiculous superior mothers. They honestly have no idea. Swimming was a huge help for my child with ASD growing up so keep going if you can.

Thank you, she loves it so much - I was paying out for one to one lessons, so so expensive and she wasn't learning, just jumping around, so I think this is better for her (and my bank balance 🤭)

OP posts:

GazeboLantern · 15/03/2025 17:11

Every mother gets this sort of 'she doesn't parent the way I would' prejudice, but parents of children with special needs get it most of all, from parents who haven't taken one step in their shoes, let alone walked a mile.

You need to ignore what others may or may not think about you.

Do not let them live rent-free in your head.

Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 17:13

Sounds like she's secure you love her and happy in her own company in that context. Well done Mama!

Layla120 · 15/03/2025 17:18

Oh dear poor you - I do feel for you! 😊That would feel pretty awkward for me too but you know why you are doing it and it's far better that you are, than just avoiding it. Well done toughing it out! I would have to try to stop myself from explaining 'she is super independent and doesn't like me interferring' but you really shouldn't have to. You are doing a great job!

Happystrider1 · 15/03/2025 17:19

Nah not weird just ignore any stares. I can't swim but we go regularly as a family because I want our children to learn on top of their weekly lessons and I generally don't go in any deeper than about 1.2m-1.3m. They are about to turn 4&6 and the youngest can't swim yet so DH can't watch both in the pool comfortably. Sometimes they both want to play with DH in slightly deeper water but often enjoy pretending to be sharks and 'getting' me unawares.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 17:32

Layla120 · 15/03/2025 17:18

Yeah I did that today, just randomly explaining to someone 😭

Thank you, yeah exactly, I hate feeling awkward! but its better that she has fun

OP posts:

GreyGoggles · 15/03/2025 17:33

They might judge you but what can you do? The priority is that your child has fun. My younger sibling has Downs Syndrome. They adore dancing and love dancing either on their own or with peers. At concerts or weddings, etc I know I've been judged for standing to the side, or not dancing with them, when if I do, they just turn around and move away 😂The important thing is that they have a great time.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 17:38

Iknowaboutpopular · 15/03/2025 17:09

My asd dd is the same. Water has always been a safe space for her. I dont give a shit if she splashes and take no notice of the tutters. It's a pool, you get splashed sometimes.

I found it easier to interact with my dd by getting some of those diving toys you chuck in and they have to find. She absolutely loves doing that and would happily keep it going for ages.

Just keep going. You're not weird.

Okay im gonna do that this week!

I'll get a bucket and fill it with some toys - plus, it'll give me something to fidget with and feel less awkward 🤭

Thank you, as @Higglepigglewiggle said, I'm gonna be more thick skinned about it - shes allowed to take up space, just like anyone else

Yeah, with the splashing, there are bigger kids in the pool, as well as more boisterous ones tbh. As long as I'm wading over and redirecting her from babies, I think we're okay

OP posts:

Barrenfieldoffucks · 15/03/2025 17:39

We swim a lot, I rarely look at what other families are doing provided it is safe and appropriate.

Avonandice · 15/03/2025 17:39

I work as a lifeguard in a hotel and as long as you are not letting her jump in if not allowed and supervising her instead of sitting on a phone on the side not even watching what she is up to then crack on. Ignore the parents who tutt and keep her having fun as she is building confidence in the water.

TheDenimCritic · 15/03/2025 17:40

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong tbh. It’s not anyone’s business as long as you’re not neglecting your child.

diddl · 15/03/2025 17:44

I'd probably do a bit of "swimming" around rather than just standing, but on the whole I wonder if anyone really notices?

Gobbledegeek · 15/03/2025 17:46

Echoing all the others here and saying you are definitely doing the right thing. At the end of the day, it's nobody's business how you swim as a family and why. The pool is there for everyone!

I know what you mean about feeling awkward though so maybe you could mention it to the lifeguards? I used to be one and this is definitely something I'd help out with, even if it was just with a comforting glance across to you every now and again. If the other parents see that you have a good rapport with the staff, they might catch on that there's a very good reason for you to spend.

Keep swimming! It's brilliant!

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